The Equinox (Volume III, Number I)

THE EQUINOX that state of uncertainty in which I lived before this realization came? This realization having come about has at any rate remained as a glimpse of Being, different from the previous not-being. The result of his mental analysis appears to amount to this, that he had experienced within himself a state of con- sciousness full of Peace and Joy, yet which more nearly approximated to Zero than any other term. He can find nothing with which to compare this state, but he recognizes its immense superiority over normal consciousness, and feels an intense desire to make it possible for others to share his experience. Since however he finds it impossible to explain it in words, he recognises that he must obtain the knowledge of some definite System of producing the state scientifically, but since he is not even a Neophyte of the A..A..., he won- ders if They will recognise him as qualified to demand the right to know and spread Their teachings. He determines in any case to reduce the wants of the Ego as a separate being as far as possible, by forgetting self in his efforts to do all he can for others according to the Light he has obtained. He found however that the destruction of the Ego was not thus easily accomplished at the first assault. Nevertheless he learned, not from books but from experience, that the Goal was to be found within himself, and that the nearer he could approach to the Consciousness of Nothingness the nearer he got to the Realization of Pure Existence. This reduction of consciousness to Zero then became the fixed aim of his Meditations; and any other experiments he en- tered upon, were, from that time onward, looked upon as necessary in order that he might fit himself to help others, rather than for his personal development. On January 7th, 1911, he received No. 4 of THE Equinox, 138