The Equinox (Volume III, Number I)

THE EQUINOX We shall not enter into the details of the various practices he performed during this period, but we may mention, for the sake of completeness, a few fragments recorded during the last few days of the Retirement. October 9, 9.6 P.M. (This was the 9th day of Section C, and the 39th day of the complete Operation.) The ‘state’ is getting more and more difficult to describe, in fact I don’t know what to make of it. I might almost say I feel ‘normal’; and yet there is a subtle difference. There is (I think) an entire absence of fear, worry, disgust, joy, sorrow, pain, or any of the old states, and this seems to be a condition of calm observation without any desire to criticise anything. I suppose, as a matter of fact, it is a state of equilibrium. I think I have it. It is the empty shrine await- ing the in-dwelling of the God. to P.M. I experienced another peculiar state just now, Having closed my eyes for a few moments (concentrating), I thought I would try and think backwards over the last few things I had been doing, but found, try as I would, I could not think of things done even a moment before. All was the “present peculiar ex- perience,” and there was no getting away from it. The concentration acted just like a magnet, and became automatic. Again, on trying to look back over this retirement, it appears as a “Single state of consciousness,” not as a number of events. I should really have to read my diary if I wanted to know any details in succession just now. At the end of the 1oth day of this Section “C” and the be- ginning of the 11th Day I think the true climax of the Oper- ation took place, for he writes: Oct. 11, 12.30. So did the day start and I knelt at the altar from 12 Midnight until 12.28. During this time did my Lord Adonai begin to manifest within me, so that my being was wrapped away in bliss ineffable. And my body was filled with rapture of His coming until the cry burst from my lips “My Lord and my God.” There are no words to describe Thee, my Beloved, though I yet tremble with the joy of Thy presence, yet do I feel that this is but the beginning of the reflection of Thee. O God, wrap me utterly away, beyond even this Bliss. Let me be utterly consumed in Thine Essence. Amen. 154