The Equinox (Volume I, Number VIII)

THE EQUINOX That night, as he said his prayers at his mother's knee, she was surprised and pleased to hear a new petition: “ And oh] dear Jesus, do let me do ever such a great work for other little children I Bring them all in ! Don’t let me miss one out." Hot stuff for six, I don't think. It was evident, to his astuteness and business capacity, that this work demanded the most complete organization He therefore obtained a post under Government, so that, while touching a good salary, his whole time was free to devote to his great scheme. “Punctuality,” he often said to me, “is the thief of time; procrastination is the soul of business,” and would justify his paradox by pointing out that if you only left letters unanswered long enough, the need to answer them disappeared. His system, in fact, became extremely popular; even Charles Dickens playfully animadverts upon it in one of his novels. A secretary being necessary to him, he pressed his sister A—— into the service, thereby saving her from such terrible temptations as love, marriage, or even occasional relaxation, which is known to be the devil's subtlest engine, and saving himself from the expense of hiring a drudge. He applied the same fine intelligence to all the problems of life. Onanism, he argued, is demonstrably safe and eco- nomical ; further, it is secret, and can be passed off as chastity; hence credit with the pious Again, “I am out to get the money that parents give their children ; I am the Sole Inventor of the ‘ Kinchin-lay‘ ; and I am certainly not going to queer my own pitch by getting children. I might have to give them pennies now and then myself." Onanism consequently became the rule of his life; and it is only fair to say that I believe the 246