9.10.
953-
10.14.
10.27.
122
THE EQUINOX
bered at all.
I have gone to bed, and shall take things
in hand seriously, ifit kills me.
Since 9.17 have done Pranayama, though allowing
myself some irregularities in the way of occasional
omission 01 a Kambhakham.
’Tis very hard to stick to it.
I find myself, at the end
of above sentence, automatically crawling into bed.
No, John!
Have been trying to extract some sense from that
extraordinary treatise on mysticism, “ Konx Om Pax."
Another failure, but an excusable one.
I will now beseech Adonai as best I may to give me
back my lost powers.
For I am no more even a magician!
So lost am I in
the illusions that I
have made in the Search for
Adonai, that I am become the vilest of them all!
A strange and unpleasant experience.
My thought
suddenly transmuted itself into a muscular cry, so that
my legs gave a violent jerk.
This
I expect is at
bottom the explanation of the Bhuchari—Siddhi.
A
very bad form of uncontrolled thought.
I was on the
edge 01 sleep; it woke me.
The fact is, all is over!
I am done!
I have tried for
the Great Initiation and I have failed; I am swept
away into strange hells.
Lord Adonai! let the fires be informing; let them
“ balance, assain, assoil."
I suppose this rash attempt will end in Locomotor
Ataxia or G. P. I.