7.20.
7.40.
JOHN ST. JOHN
likely have broken up the Apophis—kingdom of yester—
day in a moment, and the truth of it would have been
5 per cent.drug and95per cent.magic ; but nobodywould
have believed me.
Remember that this record is for
the British Public,
“ who may like me yet.”
God
forbid! for I cannot
echo Browning’s hope.
Their
greasiness, hypocrisy, and meanness are such that their
appreciation could only mean my vileness, not their
redemption.
Sorry if I seem pessimistic about them!
A nasty one for me, by the way, if they suddenly
started buying me
!
I should have, in mere consistency,
to cut my throat!
Calm yourself, my friend!
There is no danger.
At home again
and robed.
Am
both
tired
and
oppressed, even in my peace ; for the day has been, and
the evening is, close and hot, with a little fog; and,
one may suspect, the air is overcharged with electricity.
I will rest quietly with my mantra as Hanged Man,
and perhaps sleep for a little.
. No sleep—no rest for the wicked!
’Tis curious how
totally independent is mantra-yoga of reverie.
I can
say my mantra vigorously while my thought wanders
all over the world; yetI cannot write the simplest
sentence without
stopping
it, unless with
a very
great effort, and then it is not satisfactory to either
party!
Meditation—~of the " rational ” sort—on this leads me
to suggestthat active “ radiant" thought may be incom—
patible with the mantra, itself being (Ρ) active.
One can
45