Confessions of Aleister Crowley

321 part from S. W. Use her! (Here S. W. appears, with an evil look. She glitters, like a jewelled serpent.) Strange bands of light scintillate between her and Aiwass. A. now takes wand again; still feels enmity on spiritual planes. Aiwass banished; S. W. has disappeared. A. now tries to speak to A.'.. He wants G. R.; does not mind whether S. W. is with me or not; but I should use Brahmacharya (? if with her, or anyhow), I shall be guided as things turn up, as to the truth or falsehood of Aiwass, who is not to be altogether distrusted. (I think the opposition is Aiwass's limitation as a servant.) A.'. will give us a sign: F's freedom. (I reply that if this comes about in a miraculous manner, well and good.) (Note: Her husband died quite unexpectedly not long after this time.) April 21st. Sol enters Taurus. Open T.'. with A.'. I.'.. (Possibly ...1 spoilt it all) asking for special aid in --- what follows. F. finds the Nuit ring good; hence probably her hostility yesterday was due to lower self. I.'. of R. H. K. gives glorious material flashes of light, akasic (i.e. ultra-violet) and lilac. The god, beheld, will not speak. Asked for a messenger, Aiwass appears. F., suspecting him, puts a pentagram on him; he blurs and becomes dirty and discrowned. F. takes wand; but this dissipates him. His real name she says is 270 = INRI. F. uses pentagram and shrivels him up to a black charred mass. I ask her to invoke something genuine; a white figure without face and with little shape mounts throne. It has a glittering rayed corona. Says: (to here F. uses normal tone; hence tone of oracle) "I am the God of Vengeance. I am thy Guardian Angel. I would have thee seek thine own soul in silence and alone. Take no aid with thee; take no mortal soul but retire and depart from mankind." Pentagram makes him brighter: he grows firmer. Repeated, form vanishes and only brightness remains. Asked for a sign of his name ... is written on throne. "I will give no other sign: you must learn to trust your own intuition." F's intuition tells her that he is genuine. As to our relations, he wishes us to work together (A contradiction v. supra:) "I do not wish you to go too far in work with S. W. She will dazzle you and be apt to lead you astray. You must always remain as armed when you work with her, as a man in full armour. I would wish you to strengthen the link between you and F. on all planes. You are very needful to each other and can only accomplish G. W. together." (This clearly utter rubbish.) I take wand and curse him by Him who he hath blasphemed. Invoking, however A.'. the light becomes more brilliant. Voice continues: "You must go {523} 1. I omit reference to a certain private matter. and do a G. R. after which you will get a sign." (Clearly due to F. knowing my wish; but he is clumsy. Will anything now convince F.? I was trying, as my custom is, to "bowl out" my clairvoyant.) I take serious measures to banish all but A.'.. Voice silenced: and she doubts whether voice is from brilliance. F. feels me absolutely necessary for her. I not. (Voice is from her so cannot be banished and it goes on:) "There shall be a short period of work (?not?) done in actual unison; after which your powers join irrevocably together. There is no escape from that; you are bound to work together; and the fitting time and hour for this shall come simultaneously to you both. There will then be no doubt in either of your minds: there will then be no obstacle to this union ... You must look towards this time and towards a beacon light. Never lose sight of that! You Elaine (F's earth- name) will meet with subtle temptation from this object --- promises of great power and illumination; but heed them not. Aleister is your true helper from whom you have right to look and demand help. You must never cease to demand this aid and by your demand strengthen and aid your comrade. I, your Guardian Angel, tell you this." (The falsity of all this patent more at the time than now --- I foresaw what follows.) I ask proof that he is G. A. It is clear that voice and brilliance are distinct (i.e. from two separate sources.) F. however feels that this rigmarole is true. Hence we discuss our relations and the Great Invocation degenerates. We began to make love to each other. This, however, is checked by my will and her own feeling that we have done enough for honour. I