Diary of a Drug Fiend

226 The Diary of a Drug Fiend might manifest my glory, and he would fall down at my feet and worship me. After all, he has a wonderful destiny himself; like St. Joseph—or else perhaps he may be the Dragon that will try to destroy me and the Messiah. , In my position the actual H. isn’t really necessary any more than food is. The spiritual idea is sufficient. That I suppose is the lesson I had to learn. I had been relying on the stuff itself. It says in the Bible ‘‘ Angels came and ministered unto him.” My angels will bring me the manna that cometh down from heaven. I am perfectly happy. It is sublime not to be de- pendent any more on earthly things. Keletiel came and told me to go and prophesy to Peter, so I will hide away the diary. I must think of a new place every time, else Peter will find out where I keep it, or the old man may be hunting around in his astral body and take it away. I have been very careful what I wrote ; but he might discover some of the secrets and ruin everything. There’s another trouble. I can only remember spiritual things clearly. The material world is fading out. It would be disaster if I forgot where I hid it. Basil would never forgive me. I will hide it in the chimney, then I can always look up where I put it.... Whatis dreadfulis the length of time. With H. or C. or both, there is never a dull moment; without them the hours, the very minutes, drag. It’s difficult to read or write. My eyes won’t focus properly. They have been open to the spiritual world, they can’t see anything else. It’s hard, too, to control the hands. I can’t form the letters properly. This waiting is hellish. Waiting for something to happen! I can think of nothing but H. Everything in the body is wrong. It aches intolerably. Even a single dose would put everything right. It makes me forget who I am, and the wonderful