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← Diary of a Drug Fiend
1922 · CLOSE READING

Diary of a Drug Fiend

Diary of a Drug Fiend (1922), PDF p. 269

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King Lamus Intervenes 255 this; that they started taking the drugs because life, in one way or another, was one too many for them. And what is the result? The drugs have not in the least relieved the monotony of life or whatever their trouble was, and yet they have got into a state very like that of death, in which they are impotent to struggle. No, we must conquer life by living it to the full, and then we can go to meet death with a certain prestige. e can face that adventure as we've faced the others.”’ The personality of the man radiated energy. The momentary contact with his mind had destroyed the current of thought which had been obsessing ours. Yet it was a fearful pang to be torn away from the fixed idea which had imposed itself as the necessary conclusion of a course of thought and action extending over so long a peri I can imagine a man reprieved at the foot of a scaffold experiencing an acute annoyance at being wrenched away from the logical outcome of his tendencies. “Cowards die many times before their death.” And those who have decided whether with their will or against it, to put an end to their lives, must resent interference. As Schopenhauer says, the will to die is inherent in all of us, as much as the will to live. I remember a lot of fellows in the trenches saying that they dreaded being sent to the base; they would rather have it over than take a temporary respite. Life had ceased to be precious. They had become accustomed to face death, and had acquired a fear of life of just the same quality as the fear of death that they had had at first. Life had become the unknown, the uncertain, the dreadful. A hot, fierce wave of annoyance went through me like a flush of fever. Damn the fellow,” I muttered, “why must he always butt in like this?” And then I noticed that Lou had taken the little bottle from my waistcoat pocket, and handed it to King Lamus.
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