my mouth of the more copious portions of dung 
which he had so generously besmeared me, you 
stopped in a most interesting part of your story. 
My son, you have conquered !  In me the pas-
sion of vanity has ever been stronger than that of 
even the purest and profoundest affections.  Let us 
continue ! 
He elegantly disengaged himself from my back, 
leaving me to withdraw a weary and sodden stern-
post from the accommodating gentleman’s love-
passage of the affectionate goat (whom I will wager 
my readers have forgotten, for I very nearly did).  
The archbishop cleared his throat and began thus.  
“ The first real scene of passion that I ever saw was 
in this fashion.  I had been left alone in the house 
one day ;  and, weary of confinement, I determined 
to stroll into the street.  Not far had I gone before 
my attention was attracted by a small galvanized 
iron mission room.  To my surprise, the door was 
ajar, and from the pulpit I heard the well known 
tones of a Salvation Army preacher crying ‘ Whoso-
ever will may come ! ’ ” 
In the centre of the hall I saw that the forms 
had 
been 
removed 
and 
replaced 
my 
mat-
tresses ;  upon these lay my many friends in the 
village.  I noticed Alec and Ada, Bertie and Bobine, 
Charles, Clara, Dick, Dora, Edward, Ethel, Frank, 
Fanny, George, Gertie, Harry, Herminia, Isaac, 
Imogen, John, Jenny, Karl, Katherine, Louis, Laura, 
Martin, Maud, Norman, Nellie, Octavius, Olga, Pe-
ter, Polly, Quintus, Queenie, Robert, Rosie, Sam-
uel, Sybil, Thomas, Thais, Ulric, Ursula, Victor, 
Vivien, Walter, Wilhelmina, Xenocrates, Xantippe, 
Yeo, Yvonne, Zeno, and Zelma. 
Let us lerricompoop !  Said Wilhelmina, in a 
voice thick with lust and marred by Martin’s pilli-
cock, which was tickling her tonsils. 
The position was now as follows : 
[24]