[27] 
 
 
 
 
 
CAPITULUM II 
 
 
My son, continued the venerable man, before I 
continue my affecting narrative, let me introduce 
you to the learned pig.  This animal was trained by 
my old friend Lord B . . . and is probably the choic-
est gem in my collection.  Approach !  We ap-
proached, and the brute, contrary to all expecta-
tion, presented his rump for my inspection.  After a 
moment’s hesitation he gave a loud snort of dissat-
isfaction and walked to the table, from which he 
selected a card labelled “ Kiss my arse.”  I drew 
back abashed.  The engaging animal, at a sign 
from his master, now mounted the fattest of the 
venal women whom the Archbishop liked to have 
lying about the floor, and exposed a superb and 
succulent cream-stick of some fourteen inches in 
length.  The woman lay on her back with her legs 
wide apart and in the air.  With a bound the brute 
drove his sledge-hammer into her unresisting pussy-
cat, accompanying the performance on the concer-
tina, at both of which employments he seemed so 
expert that the woman beneath him squirmed with 
joy, and licked the snout of the monster with a las-
civious tongue in her frenzy, till with a royal snort 
the accomplished porker, rapture dying along its 
verge, as Browning says of the rainbow, gave her 
jelly for juice, and the well-matched pair sank 
down in the rapture of a delicious orgasm.  The 
concertina, falling to the floor, squeezed its air out 
with a long-drawn, plaintive sigh, from which an 
onomatopoeiomaniac Platonist who had read Cor-
nelius Agrippa and Paracelsus would certainly