Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

chanical effect of so much-needed respite while the lady vomited quart after quart of most noxious bile and spirits upon the bed. For nearly an hour she retched and strained, giving off putrid farts and eructations as of a dyspeptic sow, while the sticky and purulent sweat ran over her blubber flanks. But at the expiration of that time, she was again ready for action, and indeed, seemed to be so set on edge by her involuntary abstention that I doubt whether after all I gained much by the interrup- tion. How’s the hot poultice for the Irish tooth- ache ? I whispered to the gluttonous and open- arsed schickster. Shit ! She sighed ; shut your mug and open your urethra, and get on with the bum tickling, can’t you ? (I give you my word I had not spoken for three days and more.) But argu- ment is proverbially vain with a woman in the middle of a rousing bacon-rubbing. I blocked steadily on. In vain I had cudgelled my wits to find some substitute for the fatiguing exercise of rump- ing ; but the surgeon warned me that the sugges- tion would be taken in ill part. Her Majesty, he explained, is before all things respectable : not to save life, no ! Not to ensure the greatness of her empire or the happiness of her people, would she for a moment condescend to any unnatural prac- tice such as you suggest. I am aware that a num- ber of horses have perished in the service ; but I can certify that our distinguished patient was not at the time in a condition to differentiate between the steed and its rider. What she wanted was live sausage for supper, and plenty of gravy ; now the worst is over — thanks greatly to your noble exer- tions, which I implore you to continue, and not to offend our English ears, and corrupt our English minds, with the practical but improper suggestions of the degraded foreigner. She is now in a condi- tion to understand what is said, and your remark [39]