of a bloated and drunken type, and began her fa-
vourite anecdote, the story of her election as a 
Dame of the Grand Council of the P......e 
League.  To skip irrelevant details, she began, let 
me merely say that I was stripped and whipped by 
a bevy of lust-maddened wagtails, headed by a 
Marchioness.  My unfailing sense of propriety led 
me to protest against this unmeaning assault :  but 
in vain. 
A string of girls and women seized my clitoris —  
(I saw this now for the first time.  What I had 
supposed to be a coil of rope on which she was sit-
ting slowly arose and unwound itself.  It was a 
clitoris indeed !  Lady’s love-lump was a futile term :  
rather a fancy-fagot’s fuck-flapper, in Swinbourne’s 
faultless phrase.  But all phrases are weak.  It was 
Nature’s standing miracle.) — which, as you will 
observe, is ninety-seven yards, two feet, and four 
and three quarter inches in length — it is the sor-
row of my life that I have never touched the 100 
yard mark ! — And standing in a long row, began to 
frig and suck it madly.  As you can see, I can coil 
and uncoil it at pleasure :  I can wind myself up in 
it :  I could hang myself in it if the whim took me.  I 
have dipped it in treacle, and given a Sunday-
School treat which the children will remember for 
years — they all got the clap ! — I have smeared it 
in birdlime, and caught a record lot of eagles :  I 
have buggered eight pythons at one moment :  I 
have — But why boast, she piously interrupted 
herself, since it is but the grace of God ?  Yet, for 
His Glory, I proceed.  I have used it to climb the 
most inaccessible rocks :  the Mittleggi Grat of the 
Eiger, the N. face of the Matterhorn, the E. face of 
the Zinal-Rothhorn, whose last 50 feet baffled the 
unequalled Bletzerstoch ;  all, all have fallen before 
the dauntless dexterity by which I have thrown up 
its sensitive end, and hauled myself up laboriously 
after it.  I have used it to save the lives of gallant 
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