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Page 1 of 31904 · PDF PAGE 9
IN RESIDENCE: THE DON’S GUIDE TO CAMBRIDGE CONTENTS ARTISTE’S FOREWORD . BALLADE OF BAD VERSES BALLADES Ballade of Tripos Fever . Ballade of Bowling Ballade of Bicycling Ballade of Whist. Ballade of New Cniticism . Ballade of the Tyranny of a Commercial Empire Ballade of Ursa and Ursula Ballade of the May Term Ballade of Summer Joys. Ballade of the Mutability of Human Affairs Ballade of Guideless Climbing . Ballade of the Backs Ballade of Cambridge Papers Ballade of the New Humour Ballade of the One-Eyed Tout . Ballade of Lawn Tennis . Ballade …
1904 · PDF PAGE 50
BALLADE OF SERIOUS BALLADES And one day you may recollect That I always said Heaven was blue, And you owe, that your life is not wrecked, To a serious ballade or two. ENVOI Princess, it is ill superseding The old and well-tried with the new. Still, for once, lend your ear not unheeding To a serious ballade or two.
1904 · PDF PAGE 49
BALLADE OF SERIOUS BALLADES LIGHT verses are these you’ve been reading— Slim-waisted and elegant-necked, As a maiden on water-cress feeding If a simile splendidly decked Appeals to your excellent sect) But humour must pall—it’s too true. I think you ought not to object To a serious ballade or two. All folk at odd times may be needing A voice to advise or protect; The heart of a maid may be bleeding; The sky of your life may be flecked With clouds, and you cannot expect The flowers to grow without dew— Please listen with proper respect To a seri…
1904 · PDF PAGE 48
36 BALLADE OF LAWN TENNIS And a very good piece of advice it was too (Chorus, please!) The score of life is at Love-all. ENVOI Nothing is like leather. The rhyme is passable—a task by no means small. Though its connection is certainly not obvious—still our cap has lost no feather :— Done it, by Jupiter! We can only say farewell, gentle reader, impressing on you the truth (put in Tennis language because this ballade is all about Tennis) that the score of life is at Love-all.
1904 · PDF PAGE 28
16 BALLADE OF URSA AND URSULA Played We. Strayed She. L’ENVOI Dare ? Oui. Mére She.
1904 · PDF PAGE 27
BALLADE OF URSA AND URSULA FAIR Maid, Sair — Afraid, Bade Me Aid She. Lair, Shade Scare, Dismayed. “ Blade, Tree!” Said She. Bear Flayed ; Hair Laid. B 5
1904 · PDF PAGE 32
20 BALLADE OF SUMMER jOYS The epithet he certainly Appears to have employed. He prays No fizz, nor will to heaven apply For lots of Salmon Mayonnaise. ENVOI King of the Israelites, lay by Austere looks and ascetic ways! You would condone polygamy— I only ask for length of days With lots of Salmon Mayonnaise.
1904 · PDF PAGE 40
28 BALLADE OF CAMBRIDGE PAPERS Of Pedantry on which is spread No butter of Good Style undue; Before one’s eyes the types unread Dance until everything is blue. ENVOI Prince, of three bads who wants the best ? Off, Granta, Cantab, and Review! Stick to the “ Mag” and let the rest Dance until everything is blue!
1904 · PDF PAGE 26
14 BALLADE OF A COMMERCIAL EMPIRE . Behind the century, And blind to modern psyching ; But are we really free? Is Freedom’s Eagle striking? L’ENVOI Prince, this retort I fling When trouting or when piking In rivers with a string For truth (which comes for spiking) :— “T wish the Shipping Ring Felt Freedom’s Eagle striking.”
1904 · PDF PAGE 38
26 BALLADE OF THE BACKS He paddles like a honey-bee ; His golden boots are made at Flack’s ; You often see a man like he Upon the backs—upon the backs, ENVOI Prince, you may storm Sevastopool, With Maxim’s thwacks and axe attacks; I ply the deft Canadian tool Upon the backs—upon the backs.
1904 · PDF PAGE 44
32, BALLADE OF THE ONE-EYED TOUT I doubt if any end there be To similes a bard might spout :— Thou stirr’st the Springs of poetry, Thou dear and noble one-eyed tout! ENVOI How fortunate that very few Can chatter on like this, about Nothing at all! Good-bye to you, O dear and noble one-eyed tout.
1904 · PDF PAGE 24
12 BALLADE OF NEW CRITICISM Has forgotten the venom we knew ; Nor sting as those articles stang When Keats wrote a poem or two Before the good zon of Lang. L’ENVOI There is a young lady, it’s true, Who finds that their tongues have a tang But—the sorrows of Satan were few Before the good zon of Lang.
1904 · PDF PAGE 52
40 BALLADE OF OLD ADMIRALS Our foes, whose flanks are ever scored With the great gashes that they make— These names shall strike a ringing chord— Nelson and Rodney, Howe and Drake. L’ENVOI England, thy sons shall guard thy coast, While the white waves in thunder break ; While in these names we make our boast— Nelson and Rodney, Howe and Drake.
1904 · PDF PAGE 56
44 A BALLADE OF FAREWELL Now, ere our last sun sinks in red, Clasp hands in friendship, ere we die, Nor shame us if a tear be shed :— The time has come tosay Good-bye. ENVOI Prince, whether in Life’s Tripos classed Or ploughed quite irretrievably, Our friendship for all time is cast. The time is come to say Good-bye.
1904 · PDF PAGE 36
24 BALLADE OF GUIDELESS CLIMBING And inflicted a terrible gash On the person behind in a funk'— A mixture of prudence and dash Turns not from the wall of the Mo6nch. ENVOI Prince, both of us, axe and hobnail, Surmounted it, fellows of spunk! It would be a terrible gale Turned us from the wall of the Moénch. 1 Any member of the English Alpine Club.
1904 · PDF PAGE 30
18 BALLADE OF THE MAY TERM O the birds that are glad to sing After the meal on the early worm! O I am happier now than a king! Sing heigh-ho for the glad May Term! ENVOI Prince, or pauper, be what you may, Business is quiet, but stocks are firm ; Never believe in the “ bears” in May! Sing heigh-ho for the glad May Term!
1904 · PDF PAGE 20
BALLADE OF BICYCLING In fact, I should plunge and go nap On the quite unassailable ground Of Ace, King, Queen, Knave—verbum sap— “ Hi, mister, your wheel’s goin’ round !” L’ENVOI I doubt if the verse I distil Will be by th’ Academy crowned, I don’t care a bit if it will, As long as the voices are shrill ;— “ Hi, mister, your wheel’s goin’ round!”
1904 · PDF PAGE 12
BALLADE OF BAD VERSES Of wind, which I honestly trust Will be quick and flamboyant and bluff, And leave me to satisfy Fust :—! Lord, keep us from reading the stuff! L’ENVOI Prince Printer, in wait you are lying For copy, and I’m in a huff. You see even me versifying— Lord, keep us from reading the stuff ! 1R, Browning’s Works, vol. xvi. A pet name for Mr Spalding.
1904 · PDF PAGE 42
30 BALLADE OF THE NEW HUMOUR Some toady’s risky “ mot,” Some cad’s malicious rumour :—! All’s porridge for your pot. You label it as humour! ENVOI A swollen head you’ve got, A suppurating tumour! You write infernal rot, And label it as humour! 1 Mr. Back, myself, the O.B., any member of Christ’s College, any member of Corpus Christi College, any member of Emmanuel College, are here severally enumerated.
1904 · PDF PAGE 22
Ce) BALLADE OF WHIST It is no time for jibe or pun, But to beseech the sod To yawn for you, who did not shun To reckon on the odd. L’ENVOI At Ulm the troops of Mack Surrendered in a bod- Y, in a cul-de-sac, At Bonaparte’s attack ; Be wary lest, strong clod,! You reckon on the odd. 1 The author is indebted to Mr Francis Thompson for this felicitous and, withal, epigrammatic way of writing ‘‘ man.”