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Page 1 of 11904 · PDF PAGE 61
HUT V. HOTEL I LOVE the birds that swell Their songs of divers flutes ; But I hate the new hotel And all its civilised brutes. I love the streams that pour With loud melodious throat ; But I hate the ill-bred roar Of the evening table d’héte. I love the mountains proud That throng on their thrones of snow; But I hate the snobbish crowd That throng in the hole below. I love in the hut to dwell, With its maze of mountain routes ; But I hate the new hotel, And all its civilised brutes. 49
1904 · PDF PAGE 41
BALLADE OF THE NEW HUMOUR WHEN you at ninety paces Fill up a snipe with shot, Find dons with pretty faces, “ New” dramas with a plot, Find money on a Scot, Find beauty in a bloomer— We'll read your little lot And label it as humour. You think to break our braces With hidden jokes and hot ; Kick over manners’ traces, Reins tangle in the knot Of Boredom—Never trot Your spavined mare, but groom her! You snigger at a sot, And label him as humour. Some pseudo-bloods at races, Some scholar’s polyglot, Some torpid Don’s grimaces, Some spouting Hottent…
1904 · PDF PAGE 9
…FOREWORD . BALLADE OF BAD VERSES BALLADES Ballade of Tripos Fever . Ballade of Bowling Ballade of Bicycling Ballade of Whist. Ballade of New Cniticism . Ballade of the Tyranny of a Commercial Empire Ballade of Ursa and Ursula Ballade of the May Term Ballade of Summer Joys. Ballade of the Mutability of Human Affairs Ballade of Guideless Climbing . Ballade of the Backs Ballade of Cambridge Papers Ballade of the New Humour Ballade of the One-Eyed Tout . Ballade of Lawn Tennis . Ballade of Serious Ballades Ballade of Old Admirals A Refrain of a Far…
1904 · PDF PAGE 50
…u owe, that your life is not wrecked, To a serious ballade or two. ENVOI Princess, it is ill superseding The old and well-tried with the new. Still, for once, lend your ear not unheeding To a serious ballade or two.
1904 · PDF PAGE 24
12 BALLADE OF NEW CRITICISM Has forgotten the venom we knew ; Nor sting as those articles stang When Keats wrote a poem or two Before the good zon of Lang. L’ENVOI There is a young lady, it’s true, Who finds that their tongues have a tang But—the sorrows of Satan were few Before the good zon of Lang.
1904 · PDF PAGE 42
30 BALLADE OF THE NEW HUMOUR Some toady’s risky “ mot,” Some cad’s malicious rumour :—! All’s porridge for your pot. You label it as humour! ENVOI A swollen head you’ve got, A suppurating tumour! You write infernal rot, And label it as humour! 1 Mr. Back, myself, the O.B., any member of Christ’s College, any member of Corpus Christi College, any member of Emmanuel College, are here severally enumerated.
1904 · PDF PAGE 43
… the Varsity, Thou dear and noble! one-eyed tout! Whom dost thou cadge for? For I view With envy thy sweet liberty. Thy tie’s invariably new, Although thy face we never see _Even on Sunday changed! Ah me! That face, at which the lilies pout, That face extraordinararee, Thou dear and noble one-eyed tout. Fragrant as dawn and light as dew Thy dainty presence! Or a tree Some poets would compare thee to: Some poets to a common flea. 1 Mr Robert Browning, not the author, is responsible for this iniquitous conjunction of epithets. Cc 3
1904 · PDF PAGE 23
BALLADE OF NEW CRITICISM (AFTER ANDREW LANG) THERE'S a joy like the joy of a lark, There’s a pleasure that’s known to the few, ’Tis to listen all day to the bark Of a critic’s vitriolic review. Corroding the centuries through, It eats since the first poet sang, And they cursed him, and called him a Jew, Before the good zon of Lang. These critics (their style, you remark, Into forests of verbiage grew) Ere Carroll invented the Snark Were ready to eat me and you ; They snorted, they snapped, and they slew, They were mighty of quill and of slang, …
1904 · PDF PAGE 105
…ystem? That is fine; but remember, my friends, that our own system comes first! Charity begins at home and ends in the workhouse: so the new method must absorb our space—ay! and infinite space!—to the exclusion of our unworthy imitators, Doctor Goudron and Professor Plume. To Montmartre then, reader! to the Grand Guignol! To the Madhouse, 1 We have discovered too late that this is a despicable effort of our cor- respondent’s jejune graphomania. Had we suspected that he was a poetaster as well as a degenerate and imbecile, we should not have pri…
1904 · PDF PAGE 103
…et nature: perhaps I am revealing too much when I say that members are permitted to inscribe after their names the letters L.A.L. By the New Method, therefore, let us continue our interesting studies of the system of Doctor Goudron and Professor Plume. Laure, the first of three curtain (and hair) raisers, is a charming little drama. An ingénue comes by accident into possession of a letter compromis- ing her mother. Discovered by her father, she saves her mother by accusing herself. The mother, secure once more, bullies and ill-treats the heroic…