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…ds ! And the poor good old man tried all he could to calm me ; he thought I was mad ! The fool ! I was in the death struggle with self : God and Satan fought for my soul those three long hours. God conquered—now I have only one doubt left—which of the twain was God ? Howbeit, I aspire ! I
VII. I climbed still inwards. At the moveless point Where all power, light, life, motion concentrate, I found God dwelling. Strong, immaculate, He knew me and he loved ! His lips anoint My lips with love ; with thirst insatiate He drank my breath, Absorbed my life in His, dispersed me, gave me death. VIII. This is release, is freedom, is desire ; This is the one hope that a man may gain ; This is the lasting ecstasy of pain That fools reject, the dread, the searching fire That quivers in the marrow, that in vain Burns secretly The unconsuméd bu…
…t name the side of Jesus bleeds In sympathy new-nurtured by the trust Of man’s forgiveness that his passion breeds— These petty crimes ! God grant they grow intense in newer, worthier times ! XX. Yet—shall I make me subject to a pang So horrible ? O God, abase me still ! Break with Thy rod my unrepentant will, Lest Hell entrap me with an iron fang ! Grind me, most high Jehovah, in the mill That grinds so small ! Grind down to dust and powder Pride of Life—and all ! 2 1
…self in that dim sphere Whose hollow centre I am standing at With burning eyes intent to penetrate The black circumference, and find out God.”
…st move, And all the body be forgotten quite, And the pure soul flame forth, a deathless dove, Where all worlds end ! If thou art worthy God shall greet thee for a friend. 1 9
…usand shrines. Each one enfolds A lesser, inner, more divine, that holds A sin less palpable and less profane. The inmost is the home of God. He moulds Infinity, The great within the small, one stainless unity ! XVIII. I dare not to the greater sins aspire ; I might—so gross am I—take pleasure in These filthy holocausts, that burn to sin A damnéd incense in the hellish fire Of human lust—earth’s joys no heaven may win, Pain holds the prize In blood-stained hands; Love laughs, with anguish in His eyes. 2 0
…ht A spider-tapestry ; the old blood-stain Spreads through the air Some hot contagious growth to slay men unaware. II. I have discovered God ! His ghastly way ; Of burning ploughshares for my naked feet Lies open to me—shall I find it sweet To give up sunlight for that mystic day That beams its torture whose red banners beat Their radiant fire Into my shrivelled head, to wither Love’s desire ? 1 2
…the stars as wheeling wild In a huge bowl of water ; but my dreams Built it of Titan oak, its sides were piled Of fearful wood Hewn from God’s forests, paid with sweat and tears and blood. IV. I crept, a stealthy, hungry soul, to grasp Its vast edge, to look out to the beyond ; To know. My eyes strained out, there was no bond, No continuity, no bridge to clasp, No pillars for the universe. Immond, Shapeless, unstayed, Nothing, Nothing, Nothing, Nothing ! I was afraid. 1 3