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Page 1 of 11929 · PDF PAGE 37
…t moment I caught Arthur's thought, You ought to be busy with the note-book, not crying. I resolutely dried my eyes, took courage, and began to write. II The doctor came in at this moment and begged me to go and rest. You are only distressing yourself, Mrs. Blair, he said; and needlessly, for he is absolutely un- conscious and suffers nothing. A pause. My God! why do you look at me like that? he exclaimed, frightened out of his wits. I think my face had caught something of that devil's, something of that sneer, that loathing, that mire …
1929 · PDF PAGE 18
…ght that nobody who en- tered would be in a position to throw stones at a fellow- culprit, Theodore Bugg turned over the pages. The book began mildly enough with the winged Vic- tory and only entered the rapids with La Gioconda. Thence, Niagra-like, one plunge to the abyssthe Venus de Milo. The blood flame to his face; his breath came hot and quick. With fumbling fingers that trembled with excitement he withdrew the photograph from its leaf and half showed it to the proprietor with a whispered Comby- ang? Trente sous, said the shopman in h…
1929 · PDF PAGE 45
…an only describe as the cry of a machine in pain. This recurred constantly for an hour and five min- utes, then ceased as suddenly as it began. Arthur still fell. It was succeeded after the lapse of five hours by another paroxysm of the same kind, but fiercer and more continuous. Another silence followed, age upon age of fear and loneliness and shame. About midnight there appeared a grey ocean of bowels below the falling soul. This ocean seemed to be limitless. It fell headlong into it, and the splash awak- ened it to a new consciousness of thi…
1929 · PDF PAGE 38
… he, he is perfectly uncon- scious. Well, said I, he will howl about eighty times more. Doctor Kershaw looked at me curiously, but began to count. My calculation was correct. He turned to me, Are you a woman? No, said I, I am my husband's colleague. I think it is suggestion. You have hypnotized him? Never: but I can read his thoughts. Yes, I remember now; I read a very remarkable paper in Mind two years ago. That was child's play. But let me go on with my work. He gave some final instructions to the nurse, and went out. The …
1929 · PDF PAGE 41
…, to ab- dicate one's reason. It marked the final futile struggle of his will. The demon caught and crunched him, and the noisy delirium began anew. My flesh and blood rebelled. Taken with a deathly vomit, I rushed from the room, and resolutely, for a whole hour, diverted my sensorium from thought. I had always found that the slightest trace of tobacco smoke in a room greatly disturbed my power. On this occasion I puffed cigarette after cigarette with excellent effect. I knew nothing of what had been going on. IV Arthur, stung by the venomous c…
1929 · PDF PAGE 29
This was true; she had not been told. But the next morning we heard that my intuition was correct. As soon as I was well enough, we began our ex- periments again. My powers had returned, and in triple force. Arthur explained my intuition as follows: The doc- tor (when you last saw him) did not know consciously that he had cancer; but subconsciously Nature gave warning. You read this subconsciously, and it sprang into your consciousness when you read on the nurse's face that he was ill. This, farfetched as it may seem, at least avoids the …
1929 · PDF PAGE 27
…the Col du Ge- ant to Courmayeur, and thence to Aosta, and so by de- grees to Pallanza. Arthur rose, apparently struck by some idea, and began to walk up and down the terrace. I was quite suddenly impelled to turn my head to assure myself of his presence. This may seem nothing to you who read, unless you have true imagination. But think of yourself talking to a friend in full light, and suddenly leaning forward to touch him. Arthur! I cried, Arthur! The distress in my tone brought him running to my
1929 · PDF PAGE 35
…t cause the convulsions would begin. Arthur's steady scientific brain stood it well; it was only two days before his death that delirium began. I was not with him; worn out as I was, and yet utterly unable to sleep, the doctor had insisted on my taking a long motor drive. In the fresh air I slumbered. I awoke to hear an unfamil- iar voice saying in my ear, Now for the fun of the fair! There was no one there. Quick on its heels followed my husband's voice as I had long since known and loved it, clear, strong, resonant, measured: Get this down…
1929 · PDF PAGE 43
…es that menoh how foolishly!pay to the dead: and I took refuge in a cigarette. It was now for the first time, strangely enough, that I began to consider the possibility of helping him. I analysed the position. It must be his thought, or I could not read it. I had no reason to conjecture that any other thoughts could reach me. He must be alive in the true sense of the word; it was he and not another that
1929 · PDF PAGE 9
…om admitting the existence of a French Free- mason; that one should have repented filled him with a sense of almost personal triumph. He began to like Duguesclin, and to believe in him. His wrong had been hideous; if his vengeance seemed excessive and even indiscriminate, was not he a Frenchman? Frenchmen do these things! And after all Frenchmen were men. Bevan felt a great glow of benevolence; he re- membered that he was not only a man, but a Chris- tian. He determined to set the stranger at his ease. Your story interests me intensely, said …
1929 · PDF PAGE 8
…17,212, Colenso. And I am Past Grand Haggai in my Provincial Grand Chapter. I knew it! exclaimed Duguesclin enthusiastically. Bevan began to dislike this conversation exceed- ingly. Did this manthis criminalknow who he was? He knew he was a J.P., that his mother was alive, and now his Masonic dignities. He distrusted this Frenchman more and more. Was the story but a pretext for the demand of a loan? The stranger looked prosper- ous and had a first class ticket. More likely a black- mailer; perhaps he knew of other thingssay that affair …
1929 · PDF PAGE 36
…s that the police? Let me get out of the house! The police are coming for me. I killed Magda- len with an axe. The symptoms of delirium began to appear. I killed Magdalen he muttered a dozen times, than changing to Magdalen with again and again; the
1929 · PDF PAGE 33
his personality. He began to wonder who he was. I do not mean that he suffered from delusions. I mean that the problem of the true Ego took hold of his imagination. One perfect summer night at Contrexéville he was feel- ing much better; the symptoms had (temporarily) disap- peared almost entirely under the treatment of a very skilful doctor at that Spa, a Dr. Barbezieux, a most kind and thoughtful man. I am going to try, said Arthur, to penetrate my- self. Am I an animal, and is the world without a pur- pose? Or am I a soul in a body? Or a…