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Page 1 of 11929 · PDF PAGE 44
… the prey of this fear ineffable. Of this fear it was evident that there must be a physical basis in the consti- tution of his brain and body. All the other phenomena had been shown to correspond exactly with a physical condition; it was the reflection in a consciousness from which human limitation had fallen away of things actu- ally taking place in the body. It was a false interpretation perhaps; but it was his interpretation; and it was that which caused suffering so beyond all that poets have ever dreamt of the infernal. I am ashamed to say…
1929 · PDF PAGE 47
…e is not to be ap- prehended by the human mind as we know it. I was convinced that an end must come, for me, with the cre- mation of the body. I was infinitely glad that he had di- rected this to be done. But for him, end and beginning seemed to have no meaning. Through it all I seemed to hear the real Arthur's thought. Though all this is I, yet it is only an accident of me; I stand behind it all, im- mune, eternal. It must not be supposed that this in any way de- tracted from the intensity of the suffering. Rather it added to it. To be loath…
1929 · PDF PAGE 51
The shell was consumed; the gases of the body, combined and recombined, flamed off, free from organic form. Where was Arthur? His brain, his individuality, his life, were utterly de- stroyed. As separate things, yes: Arthur had entered the universal consciousness. And I heard this utterance: or rather this is my translation into English of a single thought whose syn- thesis is Woe. Substance is called spirit or matter. Spirit and matter are one, indivisible, eternal, inde- structible. Infinite and eternal change! Infinite and eternal pain! No…
1929 · PDF PAGE 48
…m. The images rose up threatening, disappeared only by blasting themselves into the pultaceous coprolite which was, as it were, the main body of the army which composed Arthur. Deeper and deeper as he dropped the phenomena grew constantly in every sense. Now they were a jungle in which the obscurity and terror of the whole gradually overshadowed even the abhorrence due to every part. The madness of the living is a thing so abominable and fearful as to chill every human heart with horror; it is less than nothing in comparison with the madness of…
1929 · PDF PAGE 25
… said I, Gladys is going to faint. Every one in the room stared at me. I took a dozen steps towards the door, when the fall of a heavy body sent the laboratory into hysterics. It was only the heat and confined atmosphere, and Gladys should not have come to work that day at all, but she was easily revived, and then the demonstrator ac- quiesced in the anarchy that followed. How did she know? was the universal query; for that I knew was evident. Ada Brown (Athanasia contra mundum) pooh- poohed the whole affair; Margaret Letchmere thought I mu…
1929 · PDF PAGE 50
…ited by the nature of things, and that nature solely compact of loathliness. IX I have little doubt that the cremation of my hus- band's body cut short a process which in the normally buried man continues until no trace of organic substance remains. The first kiss of the furnace awoke an activity so vio- lent and so vivid that all the past paled in its lurid light. The quenchless agony of the pang is not to be de- scribed; if alleviation there were, it was but the exulta- tion of feeling that this was final. Not only time, but all expansions of…
1929 · PDF PAGE 16
…of the music-halls as Ulysses heard the Sirens. He was fortunately tied to the mast of his ignorance of French and his fear of asking anybody such a very peculiar question, or he would certainly have discovered and vis- ited the Moulin Rouge. As it was, Joan of Arc was very much more than was good for him. He stared, fascinated as by a basilisk, his eyes starting further and further from his head as his moral sense dragged his body backwards along the Rue
1929 · PDF PAGE 35
…ity of immediate, drastic, action. PART II I THE stunning physical fact of my husband's illness was the immense prostration. So strong a body, as too often the convulsions gave proof; such inertia with it! He would lie all day like a log; then without warning or ap- parent cause the convulsions would begin. Arthur's steady scientific brain stood it well; it was only two days before his death that delirium began. I was not with him; worn out as I was, and yet utterly unable to sleep, the doctor had insisted on my taking a long motor drive. In th…
1929 · PDF PAGE 43
…e abyss of blackness and of night whose name is death. I rose with ashen cheeks. I stammered: He is dead. The male nurse bent over the body. Yes! he echoed, he is dead. And it seemed as if the whole Uni- verse gathered itself into one ghastly laugh of hate and horror, Dead! V I resumed my seat. I felt that I must know that all was well, that death had ended all. Woe to humanity! The consciousness of Arthur was more alive than ever. It was the black fear of falling, a dumb ecstasy of changeless fear. There were no waves upon that sea of …
1929 · PDF PAGE 42
… sense of time natural to life, caused each act of the demon to appear of vast duration, although the intervals between the howls of the body on the bed were very short. Each pang of torture or suspense was born, rose to its crest, and died to be reborn again through what seemed countless aeons. Still more was this the case in the process of his as- similation by the demon. The coma of the dying man was a phenomenon altogether out of Time. The condi- tions of digestion were new to Arthur, he had no rea- son to suppose, no data from which to…
1929 · PDF PAGE 33
…man. I am going to try, said Arthur, to penetrate my- self. Am I an animal, and is the world without a pur- pose? Or am I a soul in a body? Or am I, one and indi- visible in some incredible sense, a spark of the infinite light of God? I am going to think inwards: I shall possi- bly go into some form of trance, unintelligible to myself. You may be able to interpret it. The experiment had lasted about half an hour when he sat up gasping with effort. I have seen nothing, heard nothing, I said. Not one thought has passed from you to me. But…