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Page 1 of 11929 · PDF PAGE 39
…le, the throb of his envenomed pulse, the reflection in con- sciousness of his blood-beat. I became conscious of his intense longing for death to end the torture. The blood circulated ever slower and more painfully; I could feel him hoping for the end. This dreadful rose-dawn suddenly greyed and sick- ened with doubt. Hope sank to its nadir; fear rose like a dragon, with leaden wings. Suppose, thought he, that after all death does not end me! I cannot express this conception. It is not that the heart sank, it had nowhither to sink; it knew itse…
1929 · PDF PAGE 53
widow of the late Professor Blair. Her mind undoubtedly became unhinged through grief at her husband's death; the medical man who at- tended him in his last illness grew alarmed at her condi- tion, and had her watched. She tried (fruitlessly) to pur- chase dynamite at several shops, but on her going to the laboratory of her late husband, and attempting to manufacture Chloride of Nitrogen, obviously for the pur- pose of suicide, she was seized, certified insane, and placed in my care. The case is most unusual in several respects. (1) I have neve…
1929 · PDF PAGE 46
… that has ever been, each one with every disease and torture that Nature and man have plotted in their hellish brains, each ended with a death, a death like Arthur's, whose infinite pangs were added to his own, recognized and accepted as his own. The same with our child that never was. All children of all nations, incredibly aborted, deformed, tortured, torn in pieces, abused by every foulness that the imagi- nation of an arch-devil could devise. And so for every thought. I realized that the putre- factive changes in the dead man's brain were s…
1929 · PDF PAGE 43
…the excrement of the demon, and as that ex- crement he was flung filthily further into the abyss of blackness and of night whose name is death. I rose with ashen cheeks. I stammered: He is dead. The male nurse bent over the body. Yes! he echoed, he is dead. And it seemed as if the whole Uni- verse gathered itself into one ghastly laugh of hate and horror, Dead! V I resumed my seat. I felt that I must know that all was well, that death had ended all. Woe to humanity! The consciousness of Arthur was more alive than ever. It was the black …
1929 · PDF PAGE 45
…resume the task. The mingling of horror, curiosity, and excitement must have aided. I threw away my fifth cigarette, and returned to the death chamber. VI Before I had sat at the table ten minutes a change burst out with startling suddenness. At one point in the void the blackness gathered, concentrated, sprang into an evil flame that gushed aimlessly forth from nowhere to nowhere. This was accompanied by the most noxious stench. It was gone before I could realize it. As lightning precedes thunder, it was followed by a hideous clamour that I ca…
1929 · PDF PAGE 40
…n of his brain had shaken off the poison for the moment, and was working furiously against time. I am going to die. The consolation of death is Religion. There is no use for Religion in life. How many atheists have I not known sign the arti- cles the sake of fellowships and livings! Religion in life is either an amusement and a soporific or a sham and a swindle. I was brought up a Presbyterian How easily I drifted into the English Church! And now where is God? Where is the Lamb of God? Where is the Saviour? Where is the Comforter? Wh…
1929 · PDF PAGE 41
…le struggle of his will. The demon caught and crunched him, and the noisy delirium began anew. My flesh and blood rebelled. Taken with a deathly vomit, I rushed from the room, and resolutely, for a whole hour, diverted my sensorium from thought. I had always found that the slightest trace of tobacco smoke in a room greatly disturbed my power. On this occasion I puffed cigarette after cigarette with excellent effect. I knew nothing of what had been going on. IV Arthur, stung by the venomous chyle, was tossing in that vast arched belly, which res…
1929 · PDF PAGE 50
…ssion. It requires a highly trained intelligence to distinguish between fifteen and sixteen matches on a plate without counting them. In death this limitation is entirely removed. Of the infinite content of the Universe every item was separately real- ized. The brain of Arthur had become equal in power to that attributed by theologians to the Creator; yet of ex- ecutive power there was no seed. The impotence of man before circumstance was in him magnified indefinitely, yet without loss of detail or of mass. He understood that The Many was The O…
1929 · PDF PAGE 34
…ld of sleep; you are the one woman in the worldperhaps there may never be anotherwho has such an opportunity to study the phenomena of death. He charged me earnestly to suppress my grief, to concentrate wholly on the thoughts that passed through his mind when he could no longer express them, and
1929 · PDF PAGE 52
…m free to die, for I can endure no more, and above all things I dread the onset of illness, and the possibility of natural or accidental death. NOTE I am glad to have the opportunity of publishing, in a journal so widely read by the profession, the MS. of the
1929 · PDF PAGE 35
…warning or ap- parent cause the convulsions would begin. Arthur's steady scientific brain stood it well; it was only two days before his death that delirium began. I was not with him; worn out as I was, and yet utterly unable to sleep, the doctor had insisted on my taking a long motor drive. In the fresh air I slumbered. I awoke to hear an unfamil- iar voice saying in my ear, Now for the fun of the fair! There was no one there. Quick on its heels followed my husband's voice as I had long since known and loved it, clear, strong, resonant, meas…
1929 · PDF PAGE 19
…he opened the little safe in the wall at the head of his bed, and drew forth the obscene picture from its envelope marked In case of my death or dis- ability THIS PACKET is to be DESTROYED UNOPENED. T. Bugg. Then he would sit, and hold it in his hot hands, and gloat upon the evil thing, lifting it now and again to his mouth to cover it with greedy, slobbering kisses. And afterwards, when it was safely locked up again, he would undress with a certain unction. Once even he at- temptedwith the aid of a bath towelto take the pose before the mir…
1929 · PDF PAGE 5
…venomous snakes, miasma, mosquitoes, fe- ver, filth, toil, jaundice, malaria, starvation, foul under- growth, weedy swamps breathing out death, hideous and bloated trees of poison, themselves already poi- soned by their earth, heat unendurable, insufferable, intolerable, unbearable (as the Daily Telegraph said at the time of the Dreyfus case), heat continuous and sti- fling, no breeze but the pestilential stench of the lagoon, heat that turned the skin into a raging sea of irritation to which the very stings of the mosquitoes and centipedes cam…
1929 · PDF PAGE 47
…t dis- turbance of the blood supply, and it goes out like a can- dle, or else takes monstrous forms. Here was the overwhelming truth; in death man lives again, and lives for ever. Yet we might have thought of it; the phantasmagoria of life which throng the mind of a drowning man might have suggested something of the sort to any man with a sympathetic and active imagination. Worse even than the thoughts themselves was the apprehension of the thoughts ere they arose. Carbun- cles, boils, ulcers, cancers, there is no equivalent for these pustules …
1929 · PDF PAGE 14
…sh: The whole plan which I have explained to you in cipher these last four months is a blind. That spy knew all. His lips are sealed in death. I have another plan, the real plan, simpler and surer. I will tell it to you to- morrow. The whistle of an approaching engine interrupted this tragic episode of the adventures of Duguesclin.
1929 · PDF PAGE 44
…ication of the loneliness, a more utter absorption in the shame. I could but hope that in the ultimate stagna- tion of all vital forces, death would become final, hell merged into annihilation. This started a train of thought which ended in a de- termination to hasten the process. I thought of blowing out the brains, remembered that I had no means of do- ing so. I thought of freezing the body, imagined a story for the nurse, reflected that no cold could excite in his soul aught icier than that illimitable void of black. I thought of telling the…