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Page 1 of 11929 · PDF PAGE 35
… subconsciousness when coma inhib- ited consciousness. It is this experiment that I now force myself to nar- rate. The prologue has been long; it has been necessary to put the facts before mankind in a simple way so that they may seize the opportunity of the proper kind of suicide. I beg my readers most earnestly not to doubt my statements: the notes of our experiments, left in my will to the greatest thinker now living, Professor von Buhle, will make clear the truth of my relation, and the great and terrible necessity of immediate, drastic, ac…
1929 · PDF PAGE 42
…dard. The conviction of immortality must naturally destroy all values for this sense. If I am immortal, what is the difference between a long time and a short time? A thousand years and a day are obviously the same thing from the point of view of for ever. There is a subconscious clock in us, a clock wound up by the experience of the race to go for seventy years or so. Five minutes is a very long time to us if we are waiting for an omnibus, an age if we are waiting for a lover, nothing at all if we are pleasantly engaged or sleeping.1 We thin…
1929 · PDF PAGE 26
…nt (by excess of precaution) stationed between me and the Professor. I found that I could describe even small movements that he made, so long as he was between me and the western window, not at all when he moved round to the other quarters. This is in conformity with the Thermopile theory; it was contradicted completely on other occasions. The results (in short) were very re- markable and very puzzling; we wasted two precious hours in futile theorizing. In the event the aunt (cowed by a formidable frown) invited me to spend the Long Vacation …
1929 · PDF PAGE 18
…to spare. He locked the door carefully, sat down with his back to the light, and pulling the pho- tograph from his pocket, indulged in a long voluptuous gloat. Then the boots knocked with the news of his cab, and Bugg, nobler than Lord Howard of Effingham, thrust his treasure into his pocket, unlocked the door and cried Venny!
1929 · PDF PAGE 24
…urite pupil. Later, he wasted a great deal of time praising my slight figure and my piquant face, with its big round grey eyes and their long black lashes; but the first attraction was my singular gift. Few men, and, I believe, no other women, could approach me in one of the most priceless qualifications for scientific study, the faculty of apprehending minute differences. My memory was poor, extraordinarily so; I had the ut- most trouble to enter Cambridge at all. But I could ad- just a micrometer better than either students or profes- sor, an…
1929 · PDF PAGE 34
…everity. In all this, however, he was still himself; the horror that was and yet was not himself did not peer from be- hind the veil So long as I am consciously myself, he said in one of his rare fits of brightness, I can communicate to you what I am consciously thinking; as soon as this con- scious ego is absorbed, you get the subconscious thought which I fearoh how I fear!is the greater and truer part of me. You have brought unguessed explana- tions from the world of sleep; you are the one woman in the worldperhaps there may never be an…
1929 · PDF PAGE 53
…petent judge would with equal certainty declare her sixty. (5) Professor von Buehle, to whom the note-books were sent, addressed to me a long and urgent telegram, begging her release on condition that she would promise not to commit suicide, but go to work with him in Bonn. I have yet to learn, however, that German professors, however eminent, have any voice in the management of a private asylum in England, and I am certain that the Lunacy Commissioners will uphold me in my refusal to consider the question. It will then be clearly understood th…
1929 · PDF PAGE 31
…nee on the bridge, distorted by my over- sensitive organization. I said no more; Arthur looked grave. At night he asked abruptly after a long period of brooding, Was that my thought? I could only stammer that I did not know. Incidentally he complained of fa- tigue, and the listlessness, which before had seemed nothing to me, assumed a ghastly shape. There was something in him that was not he! The indifference had appeared transitory; I now became aware of it as con- stant and increasing. I was at this time twenty-three years old. You wonder t…
1929 · PDF PAGE 20
…en for his daughter to come in to tea from the Art Class. But when she arrived, portfolio in hand, her beauty and the splendour of her long easy swing determined him to be gracious. Under such circumstances conversation is apt to be artificial; but Gertrude was gay and garrulous, and the tea went very pleasantly until her father's eye unluckily fell on the portfolio. And what has my little fairy been doing lately? he asked with elephantine lightness. Oh, sketches mostly, father. This week we're copy- ing from old Greek masterpieces, though…
1929 · PDF PAGE 9
dragging his feet in an irregular way. Ha! thought I, a drag for long, an ordinary pace for short. I imitated him eagerly, giving the Morse letter A. His alert mind grasped instantly my meaning; he altered his code (which had been of a different order) and replied with a Morse B on my own system. I answered C; he returned D. From that moment we could talk fluently and freely as if we were on the terrace of the Cafe de la Paix in our beloved Paris. However, conversation in such circum- stances is a lengthy affair. During the whole march to our w…