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Page 1 of 11929 · PDF PAGE 46
things known of maneach one distorted, degraded, blasphemed. Things innocent, things happy, things holy! every one unspeakably defiled, loathsome, sickening! During the vigil of the day following I recognized one group. I saw Italy. First the Italy of the map, a booted leg. But this leg changed rapidly through myriad phases. It was in turn the leg of every beast and bird, and in every case each leg was suffering with all diseases from leprosy and elephantiasis to scrofula and syphilis. There was also the consciousness that this was inalienably…
1929 · PDF PAGE 45
…ow the falling soul. This ocean seemed to be limitless. It fell headlong into it, and the splash awak- ened it to a new consciousness of things. This sea, though infinitely cold, was boiling like tu- bercles. Itself a more or less homogeneous slime, the stench of which is beyond all human conception (human language is singularly deficient in words that describe smell and taste; we always refer our sensations to things generally known)2 it constantly budded into greenish boils with angry red craters, whose jagged edges were of a livid white; and…
1929 · PDF PAGE 48
…f a sudden, vast, unsuspected tentacles, the destruction of it cut a thousandfold deeper. The sense of consecution itself was destroyed; things se- quent appeared as things superposed or concurrent spa- tially; a new dimension unfolded; a new destruction of all limitation exposed a new and unfathomable abyss. To all the rest was added the bewilderment and fear which earthly agoraphobia faintly shadows forth; and at the same time the close immurement weighed upon him, since from infinitude there can be no escape. Add to this the hopelessness of …
1929 · PDF PAGE 34
their bowels dragging behind them; creatures half ele- phant, half beetle; things that were but a ghastly blood- shot eye, set about with leathery tentacles; women whose skins heaved and bubbled like boiling sulphur, giving off clouds that condensed into a thousand other shapes, more hideous than their mother; these were the least of the denizens of these hateful rivers. The most were things impossible to name or to describe. I was brought back from the vision by the stertorous and strangling breath of Arthur, who had been seized with a convuls…
1929 · PDF PAGE 52
…ss. Matter in itself may think, in a sense, but its monotony of woe is less awful than its abomination, the building up of high and holy things only to drag them through infamy and terror to the old abyss. I shall consequently cause this record to be widely distributed. The note-books of my work with Arthur (Vols, I CCXIV) will be edited by Professor von Buehle, whose marvellous mind may perhaps discover some es- cape from the destiny which menaces mankind. Every- thing is in order in these note-books; and I am free to die, for I can endure no …
1929 · PDF PAGE 21
…s of mistakes. There being but one more to make, he made it; and, finding himself in the frying-pan of discovery, leapt into the fire of things irrevocable and not to be forgotten. His fat, heavy-jowled, coarse face all twitching, he fell on his knees and clasped his hands together. So you found me out? Don't, don't give away your poor old father, Gertie! My little Gertie! There was a silence. Excuse me, father, said the girl at last, but I've just had a glimpse of you for the first time in my life, and it's a bit of a shock. I must think.…
1929 · PDF PAGE 22
I'll give you an address to send my things to, she said, and walked out of the garden. Theodore Bugg sat stunned. Holy things, she had said. She called that lustful French photograph holy! Was this Original Sin; or was it that strange new thing people were talking aboutwhat was it? Ah! heredity. Heredity? His secret sin become her open infamy? Truly the sins of the fathers were visited on the children! By this time he was upstairs and in his bedroom. He must destroy the accursed thing; he must destroyAh! yes. He had contaminated Gertrude …
1929 · PDF PAGE 51
…ned, flamed off, free from organic form. Where was Arthur? His brain, his individuality, his life, were utterly de- stroyed. As separate things, yes: Arthur had entered the universal consciousness. And I heard this utterance: or rather this is my translation into English of a single thought whose syn- thesis is Woe. Substance is called spirit or matter. Spirit and matter are one, indivisible, eternal, inde- structible. Infinite and eternal change! Infinite and eternal pain! No absolute: no truth, no beauty, no idea, nothing but the whirlwinds…
1929 · PDF PAGE 41
…hanically, but chemically, that his being was loosened more and more into its parts, that these were being absorbed into new and hateful things, but that (worst of all) Arthur stood immune from all, behind it, unimpaired, memory and reason ever more acute as ever new and ghastlier experience informed them. It seemed to me as if some mystic state were su- per-added to the torment; for while he was not, em- phatically not, this tortured mass of consciousness, yet that was he. There are always at least two of us! The one who feels and the one who …
1929 · PDF PAGE 50
… losing or fusing the con- ception of either. He was God, but a God irretrievably damned: a being infinite, yet limited by the nature of things, and that nature solely compact of loathliness. IX I have little doubt that the cremation of my hus- band's body cut short a process which in the normally buried man continues until no trace of organic substance remains. The first kiss of the furnace awoke an activity so vio- lent and so vivid that all the past paled in its lurid light. The quenchless agony of the pang is not to be de- scribed; if allev…
1929 · PDF PAGE 19
…e's advanced ideas had come; but Theodore had stoutly and even a little sternly rebuked him with the original remark: To the pure all things are pure. It was knowing when to be bold that had made Theodore the fine business man he was. And very bold it was, for conscience makes cowards of us all. The secret shame of his orgies! Every week- nightonce even on a Sunday!after everyone had gone to bed, he opened the little safe in the wall at the head of his bed, and drew forth the obscene picture from its envelope marked In case of my death o…
1929 · PDF PAGE 9
…n him. His wrong had been hideous; if his vengeance seemed excessive and even indiscriminate, was not he a Frenchman? Frenchmen do these things! And after all Frenchmen were men. Bevan felt a great glow of benevolence; he re- membered that he was not only a man, but a Chris- tian. He determined to set the stranger at his ease. Your story interests me intensely, said he. I sym- pathise deeply with you in your wrongs and in your suf- ferings. I am heartily thankful that you have escaped, and I beg of you to proceed with the narration of your a…
1929 · PDF PAGE 1
…positive and actual disgrace to the railway that allows it, to the country that tolerates it, to the civilisation that permits that such things should be. The same thing happened to me here last year, sir, though luckily on that occasion I had but half-an-hour to wait. But I wrote to The Times a strong half-column letter on the subject, and Im damned if they didnt re- fuse to print it. Of course, our independent press, etc.; I might have known. I tell you, sir, this country is run by a ring, a dirty ring, a gang of Jews, Scotchmen, Irish, Wel…
1929 · PDF PAGE 8
…e demand of a loan? The stranger looked prosper- ous and had a first class ticket. More likely a black- mailer; perhaps he knew of other thingssay that affair at Oxfordor the incident of the Edgware Roador the matter of Esme Holland. He determined to be more than ever on his guard. You will understand with what joy, continued Duguesclin, innocent or careless of the sinister thoughts which occupied his companion, I received and an- swered this unmistakable token of friendship. That day no further opportunity of intercourse occurred, but I …
1929 · PDF PAGE 44
…to correspond exactly with a physical condition; it was the reflection in a consciousness from which human limitation had fallen away of things actu- ally taking place in the body. It was a false interpretation perhaps; but it was his interpretation; and it was that which caused suffering so beyond all that poets have ever dreamt of the infernal. I am ashamed to say that my first thought was of the Catholic Church and its masses for the repose of the dead. I went to the Cathedral, revolving as I went all that had ever been saidthe superstition…
1929 · PDF PAGE 10
…h of feeling to curse in the Morse code with ones feetah! how we hated him. Dodu explained to me that he was telling me these obvious things for several reasons: (1) to gauge my intelligence by my reception of them; (2) to make sure that if we failed it should be by my stupidity and not by his neglect to inform me of every detail; (3) because he had acquired the professorial habit as another man might have the gout. Briefly, however, this was his plan; to elude the guards, make for the coast, capture a boat, and put to sea. Do you understan…