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Page 1 of 11929 · PDF PAGE 39
… of unimagined pain and terror, unlighted by one glimpse of any other light than that pale glare of hate and of pestilence. This thought took shape in these words: I AM THAT I AM. One cannot say that the blasphemy added to the horror; rather it was the essence of the horror. It was the gnashing of the teeth of a damned soul. III The demon-shape, which I now clearly recognized as that which had figured in my last dream at Cam- bridge, seemed to gulp. At that instant a convulsion shook the dying man and a coughing eructation took the demon. I…
1929 · PDF PAGE 43
… must be, judging from the peculiar dread which it inspired, it was yet infinitely slow, having regard to the infinitude of the abyss. I took measures not to be disturbed by the duties that menoh how foolishly!pay to the dead: and I took refuge in a cigarette. It was now for the first time, strangely enough, that I began to consider the possibility of helping him. I analysed the position. It must be his thought, or I could not read it. I had no reason to conjecture that any other thoughts could reach me. He must be alive in the true sense of …
1929 · PDF PAGE 6
I remember one of us who took pleasure in keeping his spade brightit was the regulation that spades must be kept bright, a torture in itself in such a place, where mildew grows on everything as fast almost as snow falls in happier climates. Well, sir, the governor found out that this man took a pleasure in the glint of the sun on the steel, and he forbade that man to clean his spade. A trifle, indeed. What do you know of what pris- oners think of trifles? The man went raving mad, and for no other reason. It seemed to him that such de- tailed …
1929 · PDF PAGE 28
… only the past hope, but all future hope, was annihilated. It was during my convalescence that the most re- markable incident of my life took place. I was in great pain one afternoon, and wished to see the doctor. The nurse went to the study to tele- phone for him. Nurse! I said, as she returned, don't lie to me. He's not gone to Royston; he's got cancer, and is too upset to come. Whatever next? said the nurse. It's right he cant come, and I was going to tell you he had gone to Roys- ton; but I never heard nothing about no cancer.
1929 · PDF PAGE 25
…ed in my own work. Quite without warning I looked up. Quick! said I, Gladys is going to faint. Every one in the room stared at me. I took a dozen steps towards the door, when the fall of a heavy body sent the laboratory into hysterics. It was only the heat and confined atmosphere, and Gladys should not have come to work that day at all, but she was easily revived, and then the demonstrator ac- quiesced in the anarchy that followed. How did she know? was the universal query; for that I knew was evident. Ada Brown (Athanasia contra mundum) …
1929 · PDF PAGE 37
…into tears. At that moment I caught Arthur's thought, You ought to be busy with the note-book, not crying. I resolutely dried my eyes, took courage, and began to write. II The doctor came in at this moment and begged me to go and rest. You are only distressing yourself, Mrs. Blair, he said; and needlessly, for he is absolutely un- conscious and suffers nothing. A pause. My God! why do you look at me like that? he exclaimed, frightened out of his wits. I think my face had caught something of that devil's, something of that sneer, that lo…
1929 · PDF PAGE 19
…sthetics. Shame quickened him, too, to measures of expiation or precaution. He read family prayers twice a day in- stead of once, and he took the chair at the Annual Meet- ing of a Society for Sending Out Trousers to Converted Hindoos. As everybody in the Midlands knows, Hindoos are Naked Savages.
1929 · PDF PAGE 26
…ure. Professor Blair came in at the most excited part of the discussion, calmed the room in two minutes, elicited the facts in five, and took me off to dine with him. I believe it's this human thermopile affair of yours, he said. Do you mind if we try a few parlour tricks after dinner? His aunt, who kept house for him, protested in vain, and was appointed Grand Superinten- dent in Ordinary of my five senses. My hearing was first tested, and found normal, or thereabouts. I was then blindfolded, and the aunt (by excess of precaution) statione…
1929 · PDF PAGE 33
his personality. He began to wonder who he was. I do not mean that he suffered from delusions. I mean that the problem of the true Ego took hold of his imagination. One perfect summer night at Contrexéville he was feel- ing much better; the symptoms had (temporarily) disap- peared almost entirely under the treatment of a very skilful doctor at that Spa, a Dr. Barbezieux, a most kind and thoughtful man. I am going to try, said Arthur, to penetrate my- self. Am I an animal, and is the world without a pur- pose? Or am I a soul in a body? Or a…