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Page 1 of 21909 · PDF PAGE 58
…ntial one. Yet of course Pranayama, for one thing, has its own definite magical effect, apart from teaching the practitioner that he must last out those three seconds—those deadly long last three seconds—even if he burst in the process. All this I am writing during breakfast. My devotees may note, by the way, how the desire to sleep is breaking up. Night I. 7% hours, unbroken from 12.30. ,, II. 7 hours nearly, with dreams. ,, III. 8 hours nearly; but woke three or {our times, and if I had not been a worm would have scattered it like chaff I ,, I…
1909 · PDF PAGE 100
… sleep upon, I will do so. . . . Now I hope that I shall; surely the Reaction of Nature against the Magical Will must be wearing down at last! I wake. It takes me a little while to shake off the dominion of sleep, very intense and bitter. Thus John St. John—for it is not convenient further to speak as “I"——-performed 45 Breath-cycles; for 20 minutes he had to struggle against the Root of the Powers of Sleep, and the obstruction of his left nostril. During his Kambhakham he willed Adonai with all his might. Let him sleep, invoking Adonai! Well h…
1909 · PDF PAGE 135
… . . . And I invoked my Lord and recited the Book Ararita at the Altar . . . This holy inspired book (delivered unto me in the winter of last year) was now at last understanded of me; for it is, though I knew it not, a complete scheme of this Operation. For this cause I will add this book Ararita at the end of the Manuscript. [This has not been permitted. The Book Ararita will be issued by the Α.“. Α:. in due course—En] I also demanded of mine Angel the Writing upon the Lamen of Silver; 21 Writing of the veritable Elixir and supernal Dew. And i…
1909 · PDF PAGE 71
…nsible, and get a good night’s rest"—and perceived that it would be impossible. I am so far into this Operation that pausing to cast one last glance back O’er the safe road—’twas gone !
1909 · PDF PAGE 45
… have been wrong throughout the whole operation, a thing that has not happened to me for near eight years. I hope I’ve got a good one at last—yes, thank God ! this one writes decently.) 43
1909 · PDF PAGE 41
…of the Secret Ring committed unto me by the Masters; so that all might be absolutely correct. One thing strikes me as worthy of mention. Last night when I went into the restaurant to speak to 39
1909 · PDF PAGE 108
…Out, out, to feed! Trimming his beard in preparation for going out, he reflects that the deplorable tone (as one’s Dean would say) of the last entry is not the cry of the famished beast, but that of the over-driven slave "Adonai, ply Thou thy scourge! Adonai, load Thou the chain l” What the devil is the matter with the time ? The hours flit just like butterflies—the moon, dead full, shines down the Boulevard. My moon—full moon of my desire! (Ha, ha, thou beast! are “ I and Me and Mine" not dead yet?) Yea, Lord Adonail but the full moon means much …
1909 · PDF PAGE 104
… too cowed to express an opinion at all, even were the question, Is grass green ? Every small snatch of sleep, without exception, in the last three or {our days, has these images. The ideal condition seems likely to be perfect oblivion —or (in the Adept) is the Tamo-Guna, the Power of Elemental Darkness, broken once and for ever, so that His sleep is vivid and rational as another man’s waking; His waking another man’s Samadhi; His Samadhi—to which He ever strives—— ? ? ? ? ? At least this latter view is suggested by the Rosicrucian formula of R…
1909 · PDF PAGE 75
…-Samapatti, the trance of Nibbana. I hope I shall be able to live up to this! Have been practising Asana, etc. I forgot one thing in the last entry: I had been reproaching Adonai that for six days I had evoked Him in vain. . . . I got the reply, “ The Seventh Day shall be the Sabbath of the Lord thy God.” So mote it be! T/æ Seven/ll Day. I began this great day with Eight breath—cycles; was stopped by the indigestion trouble in its other form. (P.S.—Evidently the introduction of the Cascara into my sensitive aura made its action instantaneous.) …
1909 · PDF PAGE 18
…trating the axiom “ Post coitum animal triste" made me think of Baudelaire’s “ Une nuit que j'etais pres d'une affreuse Juive ": and the last line Obscurcir la splendour des tes froides prunelles. and Barbey d’Aurevilly’s “ Rideau Cramoisi ”suggested to me the following poem. [We omit this poem.—BD.] 11.30. Done! i’ th‘ rough! i’ th’ rough! Now let me go back to my room, and Work! (11.47.) Home—undressed—robed —attended to toilet-cut cross of Blood once more to affirm mastery of Body— sat down at 11.49 and ended the day with 10 Prana- yamas, whi…
1909 · PDF PAGE 119
…riment, reading through his proofs the while. One good thing; the Chittam is moving slowly. The waiters all hurry him—what a contrast to last night l Proofs read through again. John St. John feels far from well. A stroll down the Boul’ Mich’ and avisit to M—’s studio improve matters a good deal. The cure continued. No worry about the Work, but an effort to put it altogether out of the mind. A cafe creme, forty minutes at the Academic Marcelle —a gruelling bout without the gloves—and J St. Jr is at the Luxembourg to look at the pretty pictures. …
1909 · PDF PAGE 95
…’s coming—the vision of Khephra, etc. It was perhaps this subtle self-satisfaction that lost me . . . so I fell to the shocking abyss of last night! The Dweller of the Threshold is never visible until after one has fallen; he is a Veiled God and smites like the Evil Knight in Malory, riding and slaying—and no man seeth him. But when you are tumbled headlong into Hell, where he lives, then he unveils his Face, and blasts you with its horror! Very good, John St. John, now you knowl You are plain John St. John, and you have to climb right up again…
1909 · PDF PAGE 134
…ms or so—two or three short stories—odds and ends of one sort and another: it’s a miserable record, though the Tragedy is good enough to last a life. It marks an epoch in literature, though nobody else will guess it for fifty years yet. The travel, too, has been rubbish. It’s been a petty, peddling year. The one absolute indication is: on no account live otherwise than alone. But it is 1035; these considerations, though in a way pertaining to the Work, are not the Work itself. Let me begin to inflame myselfinfraying! The Twelfth Day When therefor…
1909 · PDF PAGE 56
…ood effect, losing all sense of personality and being exalted in the Pillar. Peace and ecstasy enfolded me, It is well. But as I was ill last night, and as the morning has broken chill and damp, I will go to the Cafe du Dome
1909 · PDF PAGE 111
…nd—- O! everything l—then, too, the thoughts which are closer yet to the great Enemy, the sense of separate- ness ; that sense itself at last—~50 O. M. withdrew from the conflict for a moment so that the duty of this Record done might leave him free for the fight. It may have been a snare—~may the Lord Adonai keep him in the Path. Adonai! Adonai! (P.S.—Add that the “ultra-violet” or “astral” light in the room was such that it seemed bright as daylight. He hath never seen the like, even in the ceremony which he performed in the Great Pyramid of Gi…
1909 · PDF PAGE 34
…ll. For nowadays my blackest despair is tempered by the certainty of coming through it sooner or later, and that with flying colours. The last??םסשI wasted talking to Dr. R——, that most interesting man. I don’t mean talking; I mean listening. You are a bad, idle good-formothingfellow, 0. M.! Why not stick to that mantra? Have drunk two citrons presses and gone to my room to work a mighty spell of magick Art. Having got rid of Maryt (who, by the way, is Quite mad), and thereby (one might hope) of Apophis and Typhon, I perform the Great Ritual DCL…
1909 · PDF PAGE 109
… again. This racing of the Chittam is simply shocking. John St. John must stop it somehow. Hours and hours seem to have passed since the last entry. !!! He is in such a deuce of a hurry that (in a lucid moment) he finds himself trying to eat bread, radish, beef and potato at a mouthful. Worse, the beast is pleased and excited at the novelty of the sensation, and takes delight in recording it. Beast! Beast! !! 1! After myriads of aeons. He has drunk only about one third of his half-bottle of light white wine ; yet he’s like a hashish-drunkard, on…
1909 · PDF PAGE 76
…etery, “I will await him here ! " So, therefore, there is one place, O thou thief of my heart’s love, Adonai, to which Thou must come at last ; and that place is the tomb in which lie buried all my thoughts and emotions, all that which is “ I, and Me, and Mine.” There will I lay myself and await thee, even as our Father Christian Rosenkreutz that laid himself in the Pastas in the Vault of the Mountain of the Caverns, Abiegnus, on whose portal did he cause to be written the words, “ Post Lux Crucis Annos Patebo." So Thou wilt enter in (as did Fr…
1909 · PDF PAGE 110
8.20. 8.35. 9.0. 9-35- THE EQUINOX The thought too, is wanderingall over the world. Since the last entry, very likely, the beast has not thought even once of Adonai. The Reading of the Ritual has done much service, though things are still far from calm. Yet the mighty flood of the Chittam is again rolling its tremendous tide toward the sea—the Sea of annihilation. Amen. Returning home, with his eyes fixed on the supreme glory of the Moon, in his heart and brain invoking Adonai, he hath now entered into his little chamber, and will prepare all thi…
1909 · PDF PAGE 90
…s direct from Tahuti himself : Because you have learned to write perfectly, but have not yet taught yourself to suffer. True enough, the last part! Asar Un-nefer, thou perfected One, teach me Thy mysteries! Let my members be torn by Set and devoured by Sebek and Typhonl Let my blood be poured out upon Nile, and my flesh be given to Besz to devour! Let my Phallus be concealed in the maw of Mati, and my Crown be divided among my brethren ! Let the jaws of Apep grind me into poison ! Let the sea of poison swallow me wholly up I Let Asi my mother re…