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Page 1 of 21909 · PDF PAGE 133
…r. Arrived, with mantra, at the Cafe de Versailles. ἑdoz. Marennes, Rable de Lievre, citron presse. I am now able to concentrate OFF the Path for a little. Whether this means that I am simply slipping back into the world, or that I am more balanced on, and master of, the Path, I cannot say. Have walked home, drunk a citron pressé at the Dome, and prepare for the night. As I crossed the boulevard, I looked to the bright moon, high and stately in the east, for a message. And there came to me this passage from the Book of Abramelin: “And thou wilt…
1909 · PDF PAGE 52
…ing of the Way must necessarily lead me just where it may happen to go. Why deliberately go off to Geburah? Why not aspire direct by the Path of the Moon—Ray unto the Ineffable Crown? Modesty is misplaced here! Very good. Then how aspire? Who is it that standeth in the Moon-Ray? The Holy Guardian Angel. Aye! Ο my Lord Adonai, Thou art the Beginning and the End of the Path. For as Thou?התאthou art also 406 =?ותTau the material world, the Omega. And as He mn Thou art 12, the rays of the Ineffable Crown. (A disaster has occurred; viz., a sudden an…
1909 · PDF PAGE 72
…ng with it, and two grains of Cascara Sagrada necessary to its welfare! . . . . I wish I knew where I was! I don’t at all recognise what Path I am on; it doesn’t seem like a Path at all. As far as I can see, I am drifting rudder- less and sailless on a sea of no shore—the False Sea of the Qliphoth. For in my stupidity I began to try a certain ritual of the Evil Magic, so called. . . . Not
1909 · PDF PAGE 88
…my own peace and faith, farther from Adonai than ever before—and yet—and yet—- Do I not know that every error is a necessary step in the Path? The longest way round is the shortest way home. But it is disgusting! There‘s a grim humour in it, too. The real Devil of the Operation must be sitting with sardonic grin upon his face, enjoying my perplexity For that Dweller-of-the—Threshold-thought was not as dead as I supposed ; as Iwrite he comes again and again, urging me to quit the Path, to abandon the unequal contest. Luckily, friend Dweller, you…
1909 · PDF PAGE 97
…oon ; in my life the Full Moon hath ever been of great augury. But to—night I am too poor in spirit to hope. Lol I was travelling on the paths of Lamed and of Mem, of Justice and the Hanged Man, and I fell into both the pitfalls thereof. Instead of the Great Balance firmly held, I found only Libra, the house of Venus and of the exaltation of Saturn ; and these evil planets, smiling and frowning, overcame me. And so for the sublime Path of Mem ; instead of that symbol of the Adept, his foot set firmly upon heaven, his whole figure showing forth the…
1909 · PDF PAGE 123
…. I have not even the courage of despair. There is not enough left in me to despair. I don’t care. One gleam of light illumines the dark path—I can’t enjoy my dinner. The snails, as I prong them forth, are such ugly, slimy, greasy black horrors—oh! so like my soul! . . . Ugh! I write a letter to F broken pentagram. It makes me think of a “ busted flush.” . . . But through all the sunlight peeps: e.g., These six snails were my six inferior souls; the seventh, the real soul, cannot be eaten by the devourer. How’s that for high? r and sign myself w…
1909 · PDF PAGE 9
…e success. It is in any case remarkable that I was born in October (IS—); suffered the terrible mystic trance which turned me toward the Path in October (IS—); applied for admission to G D in October (18—); opened my temple at B—e in 7
1909 · PDF PAGE 45
…the spiritual world. The former I long since possessed.) I. It may perhaps mean severe asceticism. In case I should be going out on that path I will try and get a real good dinner to fortify myself. 2. The paths leading to Geburah are from Hod, that of the Hanged Man, andfrom Tiphereth, that of Justice, both equilibrated aspects of Severity, the one implying Self—Sacrifice, the other involuntary suffering. One is Free- will, the other Karma; and that in a wider sense than that of Suffering. The Ritual DCLXXI will still be applicable: indeed, it…
1909 · PDF PAGE 128
THE EQUINOX 11.15. Made also considerations concerning the Nature of the 1.5. 126 Path. The upshot is that it does not matter. Acquire full power of Concentration; the rest is only leather and prunella. Don’t worry; work! I shall now make a pantacle to aid the said faculty of concentration. The Voice 01 the Nadi (by the way) is resoundingwell, and the Chittam is a little better under control. Have worked well on the Pantacle, thinking of Adonai. Of course we are now reduced to a “low anthropo- morphic conception ”—but what odds ? Once the Right…
1909 · PDF PAGE 112
…k- ness, and let 0. M. be found watching and waiting and willing Thy Presence. Adonai! Adonai! Ο Lord Adonai! Let Thy Light illumine the Path of that darkling wight John St. John, that being who, separate from Thee, is separate from all Light, Life, Love. Adonai! Adonai! let it be written of 0. M. that " the Lord Adonai is about him like a thunderbolt and like a Pylon and like a Serpent and like a Phallus—and in the midst thereof like the Woman that jetteth the Milk
1909 · PDF PAGE 38
…and describe Ritual DCLXXI ; since its nature is important to this great ceremony of initiation. Those who understand a little about the Path of the Wise may receive some hint of the method of operation of the L.V.X. And I think that a description will help me to collect myself for the proper adaptation of this Ritual to the purpose of Self-initiation. Oh, how soft is the air, and how serene the sky, to one who has passed through the black rule of Apophis! How infinitely musical are the voices of Nature, those that are heard and those that are n…
1909 · PDF PAGE 114
… Johnl yet how is it that there is place for the great hunchbacked devil to whisper in thine ear the doubt: Is there in truth any mystic path at all? Is it all disappointmentand illusion ? And the “Poor Thing " John St. John moves off
1909 · PDF PAGE 118
…glory. The flood of the Chittam is again being heaped up by the dam of Discipline. There is less headache, and more sense of being on the Path—that is the only way one finds of expressing it. Worse and worse ; though pose even better held. In despair returned to a simple practice, the holdingof the mind to a single imagined object; in this case the Triangle surmounted by the Cross. It seems quite easy to do nowadays; why shouldn’t it lead to The Result? It used to be supposed to do so. Might be worth trying anyway; things can hardly be worse than…
1909 · PDF PAGE 125
… first race. The powers of Asana and Pranayama return. I did 21 Breath-cycles without fatigue. Energy returns, and Keenness to pursue the Path—all fruits of that one little victory over sleep. How delicate are these powers, so simple as they seem ! Let me be very humble, now and for ever more ! Surely at least that lesson has been burnt into me. And how gladly I would give all these powers for the One Power ! Another smart attack of diarrhoea. I take 4 gr. Plumb. c. Opio and alter my determination to stay out of bed all night, as chill is doubtl…
1909 · PDF PAGE 18
…ra badly performed. All this I did with reluctance, as an act of self-denial or asceticisrn, lest my desire to concentrate on the mystic path should run away with me. Therefore I think it may fairly be counted unto me for righteousness. I now drink a final coffee and retire, to do I hope a more straightforward type of meditation. So mote it be. Naked, Maryt looks like Corregio’s Antiope. Her eyes are a strange grey, and her hair a very wonderful reddish gold—a colour I have never seen before and cannot properly describe. She has Jewish blood in …
1909 · PDF PAGE 21
…art quite perfectly awake. . Have slept, and that soundly, though with many dreams. Awaking with the utmost horror and loath- ing of the Path of the VVise—it seemed somehow like a vast dragon—demon with bronze green wings irides- cent that rose up startled and angry. And I saw that I9
1909 · PDF PAGE 31
…e. But that is clearly a fatigue-effect from having worked so hard. Oh Lord, how long? The Mantra still ripples on. I am so far from the Path that I have a real good mind to get Maryt to let me perform the Black Mass on her 31 midnight. I would 29
1909 · PDF PAGE 99
…uckily not till I had reached that of Tahuti. But it is a good rule; when in doubt play Pranayama. For one can no longer worry about the Path: the Question is reduced to the simple problem: Am I, or am I not, going to burst? I got all the sweating and trembling of the body that heart could desire; but no “ jumping about like a frog” or levitation. A pity ! I shall read for a little in the Yoga-Shastra as a rest. Then for the end of the day and the Beginning of the Ninth Day. Zoroaster (or Pythagoras ?) informs us that the number Nine is sacred,…
1909 · PDF PAGE 116
…orm all litheness and eagerness, dancing, dancing for her own excess of life. Adonail Adonail 9.17 Rose, dressed, etc., reflecting on the Path. Blinder 114 than ever! The brain is in revolt; it has been com- pressed too long. Yet it is impossible to rest. It is too late. The Irresistible God, whose name is Destiny, has been invoked, and He hath answered. The matter is in His hands; He must end it, either with that mighty spiritual Experience which I have sought, or else with black madness, or with death. By the Body of God, swear thou that death…
1909 · PDF PAGE 117
…20. JOHN ST. JOHN And to Thee, and from Thee, Ο thou great god Destiny, there is no appeal. Thou turnest not one hair’s breadth from Thy path appointed. That which ”John St. John" means (else is it a blank name) is that which he must be—and what is that? The issue is with Thee—cannot one wait with fortitude, whether it be for the King’s Banqueting-House or for the Headsman and the Block? Breakfast—croissant, sandwich, 2 coffees. Concen- trating !?#”the Work as well as possible. Arrived at Brenner’s studio. The rest has produced one luminous ide…