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Page 1 of 21909 · PDF PAGE 29
…un, broken up by the lips of the water into countless glittering stars—abounding, revolving, whirling forth, crying aloud—for He whom my soul seeketh is not in these. Nor is He in the fountain, eternally as it jets and falls in brilliance of dew; for I desire the Dew Supernal. Nor is He in the still depths of the water; their lips do not meet His. Nor—O my soul l—is He anywhere to be found in thy secret caverns, unluminous, formless, and void, where I wander seeking Him—or seeking rest from that Searchl Ο my soul l—lift thyself up; play the man…
1909 · PDF PAGE 123
…very first day! More waste time aimlessly watching a poker game. Walked down to Cafe’ de Versailles. Dinner. Hors d‘CEuvre, Escargots, Cassoulet de Castelnaudary,Glace, 3% Evian. Am quite washed—out. I have not even the courage of despair. There is not enough left in me to despair. I don’t care. One gleam of light illumines the dark path—I can’t enjoy my dinner. The snails, as I prong them forth, are such ugly, slimy, greasy black horrors—oh! so like my soul! . . . Ugh! I write a letter to F broken pentagram. It makes me think of a “ busted flush…
1909 · PDF PAGE 140
…1.25. The exquisite beauty of the women in the Restaurant 1127 1.30 3.17 11.15 138 . what John St. John would have called old hagsl . My soul is singing. . . my soul is singing! . It matters nothing what I do . . . everything goes infinitely, incredibly right ! “The Lord Adonai is about me as a Thunderbolt and as a Pylon and as a Serpent and as a Phallus.” . . . » Have had a long talk on Art with B . " The master considers himself always a student.” So, therefore, whatever one may have attained, in this as in Art, there is always so much more po…
1909 · PDF PAGE 93
…e Re- flections upon Kamma. I will now have a Yogin coffee and sandwich, and return to my illumination of the Ritual. In the desert of my soul, where no herb grows, there is yet one little spring. I am still one—pointed, at least in the lower sense that I have no desire or ambition but this of accomplishing the Great Work. Barren is this soul of mine, in these 3% years of drought (the 3% coils of the Kundalini are implied by this) and this Ekagrata is the little cloud like an hand (Yod, the Lingam of great Shiva). And, though I catch up my robe …
1909 · PDF PAGE 141
11.15. 11.35. JOHN ST. JOHN ambrosial air, I was nigh falling for that intense sweet- ness that dissolved away the soul. Even as a lover that swoons with excess of pleasure at the first kiss of the beloved, even so was I, oh my Lord Adonai ! Wherefore I am come hither to my chamber to enflame myself in praying at the Altar that I have set up. And I am ready, robed, armed, anointed . . . Ardesco ! The Thirteenth Day. It is Eight o’clock in the morning. Being entered into the Silence, let me abide in the Silence! AMEN I39
1909 · PDF PAGE 81
…ained, mistaking the Qliphoth for Kether. 2. In keeping the vow “I will interpret every phenomenon as aparticular dealing of God with my soul " the mere animal actions are the most resistant. One cannot see the nature of the phenomenon; it seems so un- important; one is inclined to despise it. Hence I enter it in the record as a correc- tive. 79
1909 · PDF PAGE 138
…ness again died and was reborn as the divine, always without shock or stress. How easy is magic, once the way is found! How still is the soul! The turbid spate of emotion has ceased; the heavy particles of thought have sunk
1909 · PDF PAGE 103
…le John St. John to meditate in comfort. For he is vowed solemnly “to interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with his soul.” During lunch he will go on correcting his proofs. Lunch over, and the proofs read through. He will make a few decorations further in his Ritual, and perhaps design the Frontispiece and Colophon. He is very weary, and may sleep. He has done the illumination, as far as may be. He will now lie down as Hanged Man, and invoke Adonai. 101
1909 · PDF PAGE 79
…tic books. I think the Shakers and Quakers had violent shudderings. Abdullah Haji of Shiraz writes :— ]ust as the body shudders when the Soul Gives up to Allah in its quick career Itself. . . . It is the tiniest, most intimate trembling, not unlike that of Kambhakham or “Vindu-siddhi " [see the Shiva Sanhita.——ED.] properly performed; but of a female quality. I feel as if I were being shaken; in 77
1909 · PDF PAGE 114
12.55. 1.13. 6.23. 6.5!. THE EQUINOX the daily march and its strife with heat, thirst, fatigue, cure all the ills of the soul, so does Pranayama clear away the phantoms that Mayan, dread maker of Illu- sion, hath cumbered it withal. Io Breath-Cycles; calm, perfect, without the least effort; enough to go to sleep upon. He will read through the Ritual once, and then sleep. (The Pranayama precipitated a short attack of diarrhoea, started by the chill of the Ceremony.) He slept from 1.45 (approximately) till now. The mom is cold and damp; rain has …
1909 · PDF PAGE 119
… drinking! He must do something—something pretty drastic, or he will find himself in serious trouble of body and mind, the shadows of his soul, that is sick unto death. For “ where are now their gods?” Where is the Lord, the Lord Adonai? The beast feels decidedly better; but whether he is more concentrated one may doubt. Honestly, he is now so blind that he cannot tell! Perhaps a “cafe, cognac, et Cigare” may tune him up to the point of either going back to work, or across Paris to the Hammam. He will make the experiment, reading through his pro…
1909 · PDF PAGE 54
…hroat. (See; ’tis 2.30. Twelve minutes to do that little in!) And look at the handwriting! How excellent is Prana Yama, a comfort to the soul! I did thirty-two cycles, easy and pleasant; could have gone on indefinitely. The muscles went rigid, prac— tically of their own accord; so light did I feel that I almost thought myself to be “that wise one ” who “can balance himself on his thumb.” Sleep is con- quered right away from the word “jump.” Indeed, if Satan trembles when he sees The weakest saint upon his knees ; then surely : Satan flees, exclai…
1909 · PDF PAGE 106
…ery night since its arrival) the holy incense of Abramelin the Mage. The atmosphere is full of vitality, sweetened and strengthened; the soul naturally and simply turns to the holy task with vigour and confidence; the black demons of doubt and despair flee away; one respires already a foretaste of the Perfume, and obtains almost a premonition 01 the Vision. So, let the work go 0111 7 Breath—cycles, rather difficult. Clothes are a nuisance, and make all the difference. John St. John is more broken up by this morning's
1909 · PDF PAGE 116
…ain comes wearily down, not chasing the dryness, but soddening the streets. The rain of autumn, not the rain of spring! So is it in this soul, Lord Adonai. The thought of Thee is heavy and uneasy, flabby and loose, like an old fat woman stupid-drunk in her slum; which was as a young maiden in a field of lilies, arrow-straight, sun- strong, moon-pure, a form all litheness and eagerness, dancing, dancing for her own excess of life. Adonail Adonail 9.17 Rose, dressed, etc., reflecting on the Path. Blinder 114 than ever! The brain is in revolt; it has…
1909 · PDF PAGE 36
…d though as it may seem I now compose myself to sleep, I await Thee . . . I await Thee! I arise from sleep, mine eyes a little weary, my soul fresh, my heart restored.
1909 · PDF PAGE 117
…tration and the Will toward Adonai. One thing is well; the vow of " interpreting every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with my soul” is keeping itself. Whatever impression reaches the consciousness is turned by it into a symbol or a simile of the Work. 115
1909 · PDF PAGE 44
…55- 42 Thence one might proceed to some symbolic passage through the 6“: 5° grade—though of course that grade is really symbolic of this soul—journey, not vire versui— and through 7°=4° ; so perhaps—-if one could only dare to hope it !—to the 8°=3° attainment Certainly what little I have done so far pertains no higher than Minor adeptship, though I have used higher formula: in the course of my working. My Prana is acting in a feverish manner ; a mixture of fatigue and energy. This is not good: it probably comes from bolting that big lunch, and …
1909 · PDF PAGE 120
…natta: Change, Sorrow, Unsubstan- tiality; these are their characteristics, however much they may appear to be Atman, Sat, Chit, Ananda, Soul, Being, Knowledge, Bliss. But the main consideration was one of expediency.
1909 · PDF PAGE 132
…awe does the wise man approach a speck of dust! And it is this Mystery that I approach! For Thou, Adonai, art the immanent and essential Soul of Things ; not separate from them, or from me; but That which is behind the shadow—show, the Cause of all, the Quintessence of All, the Transcender of all. And Thee I seek insistently; though Thou hide Thy- self in the Heaven, there will I seek Thee out ; though Thou wrap Thyself in the Flames οἵthe Abyss, even there will I pursue Thee; Though Thou make Thee a secret place in the Heart of the Rose or at …
1909 · PDF PAGE 13
…ll work in truth: IX. that Iwill rely only upon myself: X. that I will interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with my soul. And if I fail herein, may my pyramid be profaned, and the Eye be closed upon me I All this did I swear and seal with a stroke upon the Bell. Then I steadily sat down in my Asana (or sacred Posture), having my left heel beneath my body pressing into the anus, my right sole closely covering the phallus, the right leg vertical; my head, neck, and spine in one straight vertical line; my arms stretched out re…