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… bound unto the cross of suffering: II. that I will lead a pure life, as a devoted servant of the Order: III. that I will understand all things : IVA that I will love all things: ᾽ V. that I will perform all things and endure all things: VI. that I will continue in the Knowledge and Conversation of My Holy Guardian Angel: VII. that I will work without attachment : IO
…d at the dramatic moment. A gigantic magician on a coal-black steed would have added to the effect : strange voices, uttering formidable things, should have issued from unfathomable caverns. A mountain shaped like a Svastika with 3. Pillar of Flame would have been rather taking; herds of impossible yaks, ghost-dogs, gryphons. . . . But, my good friends, this is not the way things happen. Paris is as wonderful as Lhassa, and there are just as many miracles in London as in Luang Prabang. [did not even think it necessary to go into the Bois de Bou…
…actical considerations sug— gest themselves. One would have been much better off with a proper Magical Cabinet, a disciple to look after things, proper magical food ceremonially prepared, a private garden to walk in . . . and so on. But at least it is useful and important to know that things can be done at a pinch in a great city and a small room. The lunch is good ; the kidneys were well cooked; the tarte aux {raises was excellent; the Burgundy came straight from the Vat of Bacchus. The Coffee and Cognac are beyond all praise; the cigar is the…
…. Yet the light which I behold is still more than sunlight. My eyes too are quite weak from the Vision ; I cannot bear the brilliance of things. The clock of the Senate strikes ; and my ears are ravished with its mysterious melody. It is the Infinite interior movement of things, secured by the co-exten- Ι35
…e that are heard and those that are not heard! What Understanding of the Universe, what Love is the prize of him that hath performed all things and endured all things! The first operation of Ritual DCLXXI is the prepara- tion of the Place. There are two forces ; that of Death and that of Natural Life. Death begins the Operation by a knock, to which Life answers. Then Death, banishing all forces external to the opera- tion, declares the Speech in the Silence. Both officers go from their thrones and form the base of a triangle whose apex is the Eas…
…keep my footsteps in the Way of Truth! . . . Iwill return and humble myself before the Lord Adonai. Home again ; have done odd necessary things, and am ready to work. I feel slack; and I feel that I have been slack, though probably the Record shows a fair amount of work done. But I am terribly bruised by the Great Fall; these big things leave the body and mind no worse, apparently ; but they hurt the Self, and later that is reflected into the lower parts of the man as insanity or death. I must attain, or . . . an end of John St. John. An end of …
… For 10! through the heaven of Nu He rideth in His chariot—soon, soon He will be here! Into this state of listening come certain curious things ——-formless flittings, I know not What. Also, what I used to call “ telephone—cross" voices—voices of strange people saying quite absurd commonplace things—— " Here, let’s feel it ! " “What about lunch ? " “ 50 I said to him: Did you . . and so on; just as if one were overhearing a conversation in a railway carriage. I beheld also Khephra, the Beetle God, the Glory of Midnight. But let me compose myself …
…ler and nobler is the contempla— [30 tion of The Utmost God Hid i’ th’ middle 0’ matter, the inscrutable mystery of the nature of common things. With what awe does the wise man approach a speck of dust! And it is this Mystery that I approach! For Thou, Adonai, art the immanent and essential Soul of Things ; not separate from them, or from me; but That which is behind the shadow—show, the Cause of all, the Quintessence of All, the Transcender of all. And Thee I seek insistently; though Thou hide Thy- self in the Heaven, there will I seek Thee ou…
THE EQUINOX 810. read and understand quite easily with the mantragoing; 8.22. 8.40. 9.0. 46 one can remember things. For example, I see my watch chain; I think. “Gold. Au, 196 atomic weight. AuClg, £s 105. od. an ounce ” and so on aw! infinitum; but the act of writing down these things stops the mantra. This may be (partly) because I always say under my breath each word as I write it. [P.S.-But I do so, though less possibly, as I read] As I am really awake, I may as well do a little Prana- yama. How little I know of magic and the conditions of …
…ince the last entry, very likely, the beast has not thought even once of Adonai. The Reading of the Ritual has done much service, though things are still far from calm. Yet the mighty flood of the Chittam is again rolling its tremendous tide toward the sea—the Sea of annihilation. Amen. Returning home, with his eyes fixed on the supreme glory of the Moon, in his heart and brain invoking Adonai, he hath now entered into his little chamber, and will prepare all things for the due performance of the New Ritual which he hath got by heart. Nearly read…
…eventh, the real soul, cannot be eaten by the devourer. How’s that for high? r and sign myself with a Possibly a rousing mantra would fix things up; say the Old Favourite: Aum Tat Sat Aum and give the Hindus a chance. We can but try. So I begin at once. This is past all bearing. Another hour wasted chat- ting to Nina and H The mantra hardly remem- 121
…e minute without distress. It is true, by the way. I was—and am—in some danger of looking on this Record as a Book; i.e., of emphasising things for their literary effect, and diminishing the importance of others which lend them- selves less obviously. But the answer to this, friend Satan] is that the Canon of Art is Truth, and the Canon of Magic is Truth; my true record will make a good book, and my true book will make a good record. 89
…tery and religion are themselves clean. To mix jam and mustard is a messy mistake. It also struck me that this Operation is (among other things) an attempt to prove the proposition : Reward is the direct and immediate consequence of Work. Of all the holy illuminated Men of God of my acquaintance, I am the only one that holds this opinion. But I think that this Record, when I have time to go through it, and stand at some distance, to get the per— spective, will be proved a conclusive proof of my thesis. I think that every failure will be certain…
… the “telephone-cross" voices very strongly. But this time he was fortunately able to concentrate on Adonai with some fervour, and these things ceased to trouble. But the Perfume and the Vision came not, nor any full manifestation of the L.V.X., the Secret Light, the light that shineth in darkness. John St. John is again very sleepy. He will try and concentrate on Adonai without doing Pranayama——— much harder of course. It is a supreme effort to keep both eyes open together.
9.10. 953- 10.14. 10.27. 122 THE EQUINOX bered at all. I have gone to bed, and shall take things in hand seriously, ifit kills me. Since 9.17 have done Pranayama, though allowing myself some irregularities in the way of occasional omission 01 a Kambhakham. ’Tis very hard to stick to it. I find myself, at the end of above sentence, automatically crawling into bed. No, John! Have been trying to extract some sense from that extraordinary treatise on mysticism, “ Konx Om Pax." Another failure, but an excusable one. I will now beseech Adonai as best …
…satiatedl . Having gone back into the life of the world—yet a world transfiguredI—I did all my little work, my little amusements, all the things that one does, very quietly and beatifically. About 10.30 the rapture began to carry me away; yet I withstood it and went on with my game of Billiards, for politeness’ sake. And even there in the Café du Dome was the glory within me, and I therein; 50 that every time that I failed at a stroke and stood up and drank in that
…have forgotten the appoint- ment, so he continues and reaches Lavenue’s at 12.4 after reading his letters and doing one or two necessary things. He orders Epinards, Tarte aux Praises, Glace au Café, and % Evian. The distaste for food is great; and for meat amounts to loathing. The weather is exceedingly hot; it may be arranged thus by Adonai to enable John St. John to meditate in comfort. For he is vowed solemnly “to interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with his soul.” During lunch he will go on correcting his proofs. Lunch…
4.15. 540- 6.15. 7.20. 44 THE EQUINOX Somehow or other I have got off the track; have been fooling about with too many odd things, necessary as they may have been. I had better take a solid hour willing the Tryst with Adonai. Have done all this, and a Work of Kindness. I will again revise the new ritual, dine, return and copy it fair for use. Let Adonai the Lord oversee the Work, that it be per- fect, a sure link with Him, a certain and infallible Conjuration, and Spell, and Working of true Magick Art, that I may invoke Him with success wheneve…
… It seems quite easy to do nowadays; why shouldn’t it lead to The Result? It used to be supposed to do so. Might be worth trying anyway; things can hardly be worse than they are. Or, one might go over to the Hammam, and have a long bath and sleep—but who can tell whether it would refresh, or merely destroy the whole edifice built up so laboriously in these ten days? At Pantheon. ἑdozen Marennes, Rognons Brochette, Lait chaud.
…through the beautiful sunshine, meditating upon the discipline of the Operation. It seems only necessary to cut off definitely dispersive things, aimless chatter and such; for the Operation itself will guide one, leading to disgust for too much food and so on. Ifthere be upon my limbs any chain that requires a definite effort to break it, perhaps sleep is that chain. But we shall see—so/m'lur ambulando. If any asceti- cism be desirable later on, true wariness will soon detect any danger, and devise a means to meet it and overcome it. Have finished…