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Page 1 of 11909 · PDF PAGE 28
… 1.35. 1.55. 2.15. THE EQUINOX . for what could be done normally in 3) demands the whole attention. . Drifted into a nap. Welll we shall try what Brother Body really wants. My attempt to go to sleep has made me supernaturally wakeful. I am—as often before—in the state described by Paul (not my masseur; the other Paul I) in his Epistle to the Romans, cap. vii. v. 19. I shall arise and go forth. I have a good mind to try violent excitement of the Muladhara Cakkram ; for the whole Sushumna seems dead. This at the risk of being labelled a Black Mag…
1909 · PDF PAGE 129
1.5. 1.25. 1.45. JOHN ST. JOHN So also I go through all the Ritual, and try all the Means; at the End it may be I shall find No rituals and No means, but an act or a silence so simple that it cannot be told or understood. Lord Adonai, bring me to the End I After writing above, and adding a few touches to the Pantacle, am ready to go to lunch. Arrived at Pantheon, with mantra. Rumpsteak aux pommes soufflées, poire, £2- Evian, and the three Cs. Was meditating on asceticism. John Tweed once told me that Swami Vivekananda, towards the end of his life…
1909 · PDF PAGE 86
…li, lama. sabacthani l Ι went out to the Dome to drink my final citron pressé and to avoid the Visconti. Am returned, and in bed. I shall try and sleep now, waking in time for midnight and the quiet hours. I have endured the supreme temptation and assault of the Enemy. In this wise. First, I found that I did not want sleep—I couldn’t stop “Waiting." Next, I said ”Since last night that Black Ritual (see entry 10.55) did at least serve to turn all my thoughts to the One Thought, I will try it again . . .“ Then I said: “No; to do so is not pure ‘wa…
1909 · PDF PAGE 15
…vising all sorts of privations and thoroughly enjoying the idea. Having finished a most enjoyable lunch, will drink coffee and smoke, and try and get a little sleep. Thus to break up sleep into two shifts. A nice sleep. Woke refreshed. Am arrived home, having performed a little business and driven back. Will sit down and do Asana, etc. Have started. 7 Pranayama cycles enough. Doubtless the big lunch is a nuisance. I continue meditating simply. Asana hurts badly, and I can no longer concentrate at all. Must take 5 minutes‘ rest and then persevere…
1909 · PDF PAGE 123
…elf with a Possibly a rousing mantra would fix things up; say the Old Favourite: Aum Tat Sat Aum and give the Hindus a chance. We can but try. So I begin at once. This is past all bearing. Another hour wasted chat- ting to Nina and H The mantra hardly remem- 121
1909 · PDF PAGE 45
…e simply, just as anybody else might buy them. In short, I bought them in a truly Rosicrucian manner, according to the custom of the country. I add a few considerations on the grade of Adeptus Major 6°: 5°. (RS—Distinction is to be made between attainment of this grade in the natural and in the spiritual world. The former I long since possessed.) I. It may perhaps mean severe asceticism. In case I should be going out on that path I will try and get a real good dinner to fortify myself. 2. The paths leading to Geburah are from Hod, that of the H…
1909 · PDF PAGE 49
9.0. 9.40. 10.20. 10.22. 10.42. JOHN ST. JOHN immortality to trying to “drink the air through the crow-bill ” . . . . . . . in the hope of curing a consumption of the lungs which he probably never had and which was in any case cured by his former effort l Have been practising a number of these mudras and asanas. Concerning the Visuddi Cakkram which is ‘of brilliant gold or smoke colour and has sixteen petals correspond— ing to the sixteen vowel sounds,’ one might make a good mantra of the English vowel sounds, or the Hebrew. ”Curiouser and curi…
1909 · PDF PAGE 100
…ng his Kambhakham he willed Adonai with all his might. Let him sleep, invoking Adonai! Well hath he slept, and well awakened. The last entry should extend to 3.30 or thereabouts; probably later; for, invoking Adonai, he again got the beginnings of the Light, and the “telephone-cross" voices very strongly. But this time he was fortunately able to concentrate on Adonai with some fervour, and these things ceased to trouble. But the Perfume and the Vision came not, nor any full manifestation of the L.V.X., the Secret Light, the light that shineth i…
1909 · PDF PAGE 38
THE EQUINOX 9.0. Arrived at Pantheon, to breakfast on coffeeand brioche 36 and a peach. I shall try and describe Ritual DCLXXI ; since its nature is important to this great ceremony of initiation. Those who understand a little about the Path of the Wise may receive some hint of the method of operation of the L.V.X. And I think that a description will help me to collect myself for the proper adaptation of this Ritual to the purpose of Self-initiation. Oh, how soft is the air, and how serene the sky, to one who has passed through the black rule o…
1909 · PDF PAGE 31
…HN [The “Akasic Egg” is the sphere of the personality of man. A theosophic term—Eu] N.B.-—Mantras might with advantage be palindromes. I try to construct a magic square from the mantra. No good. But the mantra is going much better, quite mechanically and “without attachment ” (la, without conscious ulterior design. “Art for Art’s sake ” as it were). I drink a “Citron pressé.” Alas! here comes Maryt (with a sad tale of X. It appears that she fainted and spent some hours at the hospital. I should have insisted on her staying with me; the symptoms…
1909 · PDF PAGE 98
… find that Ι had hurt myself so this morningwith it that I cannot hear it at all, even with the pillow to support the instep. I will just try and do alittle Pranayama, to see ifI can
1909 · PDF PAGE 24
10.55. I L10. 11.17. 11.35. 22 THE EQUINOX Having written the above, I shall rest for a few moments to try and get rid of my headache. A good simile (by the way) for the Yogi is to say that he watches his thought like a cat watching a mouse. The paw ready to strike the instant Mr. Mouse stirsi I have chewed a Gaufrette and drunk a little water, in case the headache is from hunger. (P.S.—It was so; the food cured it at once.) I now lie down as Hanged Man and say mantra in Visuddhi. I must really note the curious confusion in my mind between the …
1909 · PDF PAGE 94
…day I was right up to the Threshold, right enough; but got turned back by the Dweller. I did not see the Dweller till afterwards (8.53 entry) for he was too subtle. I will look carefully back to try and spot him ; for if I “ knew his Name" I could pass by—z'.e., next time I climb up to the Threshold of the Pylon. I think the entries 1.25 and 335 A.M. explain it. “ HUGGING MYSELF, AS "?חWERE.” How fatally
1909 · PDF PAGE 74
…oresaji, gono Iadapiel. elonusaha cælazod. 1 rule above ye, said the Lord of Lords, exalted in power. [From Dr. Dee's MSS.—ED.] Will now try the Hanged Man again. Very Vigorous and good, my willing of Adonai. . . . I should like to explain the difficulty. It would be easy enough to form a magical Image of Adonai; and He would doubtless inform it. But it would only be an Image. This. may be the meaning of the command- ment “Thou shalt not make any graven image,” etc., just as “ Thou shalt not have any other Gods but me" implies single-minded devo…
1909 · PDF PAGE 72
…as I can see, I am drifting rudder- less and sailless on a sea of no shore—the False Sea of the Qliphoth. For in my stupidity I began to try a certain ritual of the Evil Magic, so called. . . . Not
1909 · PDF PAGE 32
…a mantra, and 4—8—16 steps to a breath— cycle? This would mean 28 seconds for a breath— cycle; quite enough for a marching man. We might try 4—8—8 to start; or even 8—8—8 (for the Chariot, wherein the Geburah of me rises to Binah—Strength winningthe Wings ofUndertanding). [These symbols, allusions, and references will all be found in 777, just published by “ The Equinox "—see advt.—ED.]
1909 · PDF PAGE 22
…had to chew a sandwich and drink coffee while she dined. I feel a little headache; it will pass. She is up here now with me, but I shall try to meditate. Charming as she is, I don't want to make love to her. Mixed mantra and caresses rather a success. (At her request I gave M. a minimum dose of X.) Asana and Meditation with mantra since 8.40. The blackness seems breaking. For a moment I got a vague glimpse of one’s spine (or rather one’s Sushumna) as a galaxy of stars, thus suggesting the stars as the ganglia of the Universe. Το continue. Not v…
1909 · PDF PAGE 66
…forced my Scin—Laecato become a Whirling Dervish? I couldn’t get giddy, because my Semi- cireular canals would be at rest. I must really try the experiment. [Scin-Laeca. See Lord Lytton’s ”Strange Story.“—ED.] I will now devote myself to sleep, willing Adonai. Lord Adonai, give me deep rest like death, so that in very few hours I may be awake and active, full of lion- strength of purpose toward Thee! My heroic conduct was nearly worth a “ Nuit Blanche.” For, being so thoroughly awake, I had all my Prana irritated, a feeling like the onset of a …
1909 · PDF PAGE 35
…erfume yet fills the chamber of Art ;—and 1? Oh Adonai my Lord, surely I did invoke Thee with fervour; yet Thou camest not utterly to the tryst. And yet I know that Thou wast there; and it may be that the morning may bring remembrance of Thee which this consciousness does not now contain. But I swear by Thine own glory that I will not be satisfied with this, that I will go on even unto madness and death if it be Thy will—but I will know Thee as Thou art. It is strange how my cries died down; how I found myself quite involuntarily swinging back to…
1909 · PDF PAGE 77
… love 01 besting our dearest friends in a bargain is native to us : and so, even in religion, when we are dealing with our own souls, we try to cheat. I go out to cut an almond rod at midnight, and, finding it inconvenient, I "magically affirm” that ash is almond and that seven o’clock is twelve. It seems a pity to have become a magician, capable of forcing Nature to accommodate herself to your statements, for no better use to be made of the power than this ! Miracles are only legitimate when there is no other issue possible. It is waste of power…