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Page 1 of 11928 · PDF PAGE 150
…ing, Be imperfect then for once, wretched woman, that I may love you without discomfort and anger. For several years I admired her, my heart full of hatred. In the end it was not I who died of it. Ah, said the others, she died, then? Yes, it could not go on like that. Love had become for me a crushing nightmare; to con- quer or die, as the political phrase goes, was the alternative which Fate laid upon me. One evening in a wood by the shore of a mere, af- ter a melancholy walk where her eyes, hers, reflected the softness of heaven, and …
1928 · PDF PAGE 141
… then she is so sweet and fervent; she loves as one loves in autumn; one would say that the approach of winter kindles a new fire in her heart, and the servility of her tenderness has no element that might weary one therein.
1928 · PDF PAGE 180
EPILOGUE MINE heart at ease, I climbed the promon- tory Whence one may contemplate the town outspread Hospital, brothel, jail, hell, purgatory, Where each thing monstrous rears its pros- pered head! Well knowst thou Satan (ease this woe of mine!) I went not thither useless tears to shed, But an old lecher withs old concubine, To madden sense on the enormous bitch Whose hellish charm pours youth for me like wine Whether thou sleep in mornings sheets (dear witch!) Heavy, obscure, and chill; or preen thee, vain, In evenings veils, with gold e…
1928 · PDF PAGE 165
…on, Thou who art full of Motives and of Causes, Thou who hast (it may be) placed within my soul the love of hor- ror in order to turn my heart to Thee, like the cure which follows the knife; Oh Lord, have pity, have pity upon the mad men and women that we are! Oh Creator, is it possible that monsters should exist in the eyes of Him alone who knoweth why they exist, how they have made themselves, and how they would have made themselves, and could not?
1928 · PDF PAGE 185
EPILOGUE With heart at peace I climbed the mountain trail Whence I could contemplate with quiet eyes The city: hospital, limbo, brothel, gaol, Where all iniquity opens flowerwise. O Satan, patron of my soul dismayed, You know I sought no refuge for vain sighs, But like an old pauper with his cinder-jade I coveted drunkenness from the mammoth trull Whose hell-born charms bring back my youth [thats strayed. While you still sleep obscure and leaden dull, Clouted with morning, rheumy-eyed, or preen Yourself in gold-laced evening, veiled in full, I…
1928 · PDF PAGE 186
EPILOGUE Serene of heart I reached the mountain top and well From there could watch the city in her mag- nitude, Her brothels, pest-house, prison, purgatory, hell, Where like a flower flourishes all vicious brood. You well know, Satan, fount of soul- devouring harms, I went not there to shed vain tears in dolor- ous mood, But, like a shrewd old lecher in his womans arms, To drink deep of the lures of this lewd be- hemoth, Who keeps my youth aflame with necro- mantic charms. Whether past noon youre still in bed, asth- matic, wroth And torpid, …
1928 · PDF PAGE 184
EPILOGUE In happiness of heart I mount these heights Where I can watch my city hour by hour; Her hells and hospitals and bawdy light, Where every evil opens like a flower. You know, o Satan, lord of my grief unsung, I go not down to weep against your power, But like an old tramp in rotting dung Rather would I get drunk with this great whore Whose rank infernal charm preserves me young. And if in sheets obscure she still must snore, A bleary bitch, or like a young girl go Tripping in veils of evening, gold once more, I love you, o my city, in yo…
1928 · PDF PAGE 102
…incontestable sincerity. Then I saw clearly how it was; he had wished to combine philan- thropy and business, to gain a florin and Gods heart; to acquire Heaven at a bargain-counter and the title of philanthropist free of charge. I could almost have pardoned him the criminal enjoyment of which I had just supposed him capable; I should have found it curious, singu- lar, that he should amuse himself by placing a poor man in a false position; but I will never pardon him the stupidity of his calculation. It is never excusable to be wicked, but the…
1928 · PDF PAGE 92
…oo fascinated to express anything less than a deep, dull joy. Our song-makers tell us that pleasure makes the soul kind, and softens the heart; the song was right that evening as far as I was concerned; not only was I made tender by this family of eyes, but I felt a little ashamed of our bottles and glasses, that were greater than our thirst. I turned my looks to yours, dear love, to read my thought therein. I plunged into your eyes, so beautiful and so strangely sweet; into your green eyes, indwelt by caprice, and in- spired by the moon; when …
1928 · PDF PAGE 20
…acable, Life! There is only one second in human life whose mission it is to announce good news the good news which breathes into every heart an inexplicable fear. Yea, Time reigns; he has resumed his brutal dictatorship, and he drives me on, as if I were an ox, with his double goad. On, then, thick- head!Sweat, slave! live, damnèd wretch!
1928 · PDF PAGE 52
…der my feet. My soul seemed to me as vast and as pure as the cupula of the sky which covered me. The memory of earthly things reached my heart weakened and diminished, like the sound of the bells of the unseen cattle which were feeding far, very far, on the slope of the oppo- site mountain. Upon the small unstirred lake, black by reason of its immense depth, there passed sometimes the shadow of a cloud, as if it were the reflection of the cloak of some giant of the air that flew across the heaven, and I remember that this solemn and rare feelin…
1928 · PDF PAGE 56
…be the case. As to me, if I bend over towards my beauti- ful Féline, so well named, who is at once the glory of her sex, the pride of my heart, and the incense of my spirit, whether it be night, or whether it be day, in broad daylight or thick darkness, in the abyss of her adorable eyes I always read the hour most clearly. This hour is always the same; vast, solemn, wide as space, without division into minutes or seconds; a
1928 · PDF PAGE 129
… like clouds of smoke. I alone was sad, inconceivably sad. Like a priest from whom one should ravish his Divin- ity, I could not without heart-breaking bitter- ness tear myself from this sea, so monstrously seductive, from this sea so infinitely varied in its terrifying simplicity; this sea which seems to contain in itself and to represent by its play, its enticements, its rages and its smiles, the dispositions, the agonies and the ecstasies of every soul that hath ever lived, that lives, that ever shall live. As I bade farewell to this incompa…
1928 · PDF PAGE 80
…ch some invisible hand draws from the depths of the East:these are but imitations of all the complex feelings which struggle within the heart of man in the solemn hours of his life. Or lone like liken thee unto one of those strange dresses that dancing girls wear, where a dark transparent gauze lets glimmer the slain splendours of a shining skirt, as through a black present pierces the delicious past, and the vacillating stars of gold and silver with which it is sown represent those flames of fancy which do not truly kindle save under the deep…
1928 · PDF PAGE 98
terrifying hearts and stupefying minds; frus- trated of his hopes and deceived in his fore- sight; such suspicions, not exactly justified, yet not altogether without justification, shot across my mind as I looked upon the countenance of the Prince, upon which a new-found paleness ceaselessly increased upon its ordinary pale- ness like snow falling upon snow. His lips tightened more and more, and his eyes flamed with an interior fire like that of jealousy and bitterness, even while he ostensibly applauded the talents of his old friend, the stran…
1928 · PDF PAGE 178
…for himself, and who eats more soup than four comedians? How many times have I contemplated with a smile on my lips and tenderness in my heart all these four-legged philosophers, complai- sant, submissive or devoted slaves which the republican dictionary might equally well call worthies, if only the republic who, too much occupied with the happiness of men, had time to think of the honour of dogs. And how many times have I thought that there was perhaps somewherewho knows af- ter all?to recompense so much courage, so much patience, so much …