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Page 1 of 11928 · PDF PAGE 46
…son. The tall widow held by the hand a child, clothed like herself in black. However moderate might be the charge of admission, it might perhaps be sufficient to pay for one of the ne- cessities of that tiny being, or better still, a su- perfluity, perhaps a toy. And no doubt she went home on foot ever meditating, ever dreaming, alone, always alone; for a child is troublesome, selfish, with- out sweetness or patience; and could not even, as a dog or a cat could, serve her as the confi- dant of her solitary sorrows.
1928 · PDF PAGE 138
…firmly with my foot that my leg buried itself to the knee in the fresh-turned earth, and like a wolf taken in a snare I remain attached, perhaps for ever, to the grave of the ideal.
1928 · PDF PAGE 101
…ered; that such conduct on the part of my friend was only excusable by the desire of cre- ating an event in the life of this poor devil, perhaps even of discovering the divers conse- quences, unfortunate or otherwise, which a bad coin in a beggars hand may produce. Might it not multiply itself into genuine pieces? Might it not, on the other hand, bring him to gaol?An inn-keeper, or a baker for example, might perhaps have him arrested as a coiner, or utterer. Equally well the bad coin might pos- sibly be in his poor little speculations the ger…
1928 · PDF PAGE 167
Since you love rest so much while contem- plating movement, would you like to come and live in Holland, the land that brings happiness? Perhaps you would find amusement in that country, whose picture you have so often ad- mired in museums. What do you say to Rotter- dam, you who love forests of masts, and the ships moored alongside the houses? My soul remains dumb. Would Batavia smile on you perhaps more sweetly? There we should find the spirit of Europe wedded to the beauty of the tropics. Not a word. Can my soul be dead? Are you then come to …
1928 · PDF PAGE 33
… begged me to design for her a costume as Vénustre. I paid court to a thea- tre manager who said, on saying good-bye: You would do well perhaps to address yourself to Z.; he is the dullest, the most foolish and the most celebrated of all my authors; with him you might perhaps arrive at some ar- rangement. See him, and then we shall see. I bragged (Why?) of several dirty actions that I have never done, and cowardly denied several other misdeeds that I joyfully performed; thus committing the fault of boasting and the crime of respecting man. I …
1928 · PDF PAGE 141
of the vague but eternal charm of her boyish breast. Worn out perhaps, but not weary, and al- ways heroic, she makes one think of those splendid thoroughbreds which the eye of the true lover of horses can recognize even in the shafts of a cab or a dray. And then she is so sweet and fervent; she loves as one loves in autumn; one would say that the approach of winter kindles a new fire in her heart, and the servility of her tenderness has no element that might weary one therein.
1928 · PDF PAGE 36
…rself in vain words: Love me well; I have so much need of it; console me here, caress me there. Come, I will try to cure you; we shall perhaps find the means for a brace of half-pence in the middle of a festival. Let us consider carefully, I beg you, this solid cage of iron. Within it, howling like a lost soul, shaking the bars like an orang-outang made furious by captivity, imitatingand how perfectly!now the tigers circular leaps, now
1928 · PDF PAGE 131
… could have reconstructed his history just as easily. And I lie down to sleep, proud of having lived and suffered in others than myself. Perhaps you will say to me, Are you sure that your fairy tale is true?
1928 · PDF PAGE 133
XXXVI THE DESIRE OF PAINTING UNHAPPY perhaps is the man, but happy is the artist whom desire tears in pieces. I am on fire to paint her who appeared to me so rarely and who fled so quickly, like a beautiful, regrettable thing which the traveller, borne away into the night, leaves behind him. How long it is since she disappeared. She is beautiful, and more than beautiful. She is surprising. In her black abounds, and every thought that she inspires is of night and the abyss. Her eyes are two caverns where mystery sparkles vaguely, and her glance …
1928 · PDF PAGE 152
…is hand to his be- loved, delicious, execrable wife, to the myste- rious woman to whom he owes so many pleas- ures, so many sorrows, and perhaps also a great part of his genius. Several balls struck far from the bulls-eye; one of them even buried itself in the ceiling. And as the charming creature laughed wildly, in mockery of her husbands bad shooting, he turned sharply towards her and said, You see that doll down there on the right with its nose in the air and so haughty an expression? Well, my dear angel, I imagine to myself that it is y…
1928 · PDF PAGE 89
…ile the iron pot, where a dish of crabs with rice and saffron is cooking, sends its exciting perfume from the bottom of the court- yard. Perhaps she has a tryst with some young officer, who, on distant shores, has heard his comrades speak of the famous Dorothy; no doubt the simple-minded girl will beg him to describe the Opera ball to her, and ask him if one may go there bare-foot, as one may on the Sunday dances, when the old Kaffir women themselves get drunk and furious with joy, And then again she will ask if the fair ladies of Paris are all…
1928 · PDF PAGE 29
Perhaps; but it was simpler to suppose that he himself did not know why. I have been more than once a victim of these cries and impulses, which give ground for the belief that malicious demons may pos- sibly be asleep within us and cause us to per- form, unknown to ourselves, their maddest whims. One morning I got up in a bad temper, sad, tired of idleness, and impelled, it seemed to me, to do something big, a brilliant action; and I opened the window. Alas! (Observe, I beg you, that the spirit of mys- tification which, with some people, is not…
1928 · PDF PAGE 176
me with you, and from our two miseries we may perhaps make a kind of happiness. What becomes of dogs? once said Nestor Roqueplan in an immortal pamphlet which he has doubtless forgotten and which I, and pos- sibly Sainte-Beuve still remember to-day. Where do dogs go? do you say, O men of little observation? They go about their busi- ness. A business appointment; a love appoint- ment. Across the fog, across the snow, across the mud, beneath the burning dog-star, be- neath the rustling rain, they go, they come, they trot, they pass under car…
1928 · PDF PAGE 38
… of these de- scendants of Adam and Eve; these works of Thine hands, O my God! This woman is incon- testably unhappy, although after all perhaps the titillating pleasures of glory are not un- known to her. There are more irremediable misfortunes; there are misfortunes that have no compensation. But in the world into which she has been thrown she had never been able to believe that women could ever deserve an- other fate. Now, between ourselves, my affected dar- ling; to see the hells with which the world is crowded, what do you wish me to thin…
1928 · PDF PAGE 178
…, too much occupied with the happiness of men, had time to think of the honour of dogs. And how many times have I thought that there was perhaps somewherewho knows af- ter all?to recompense so much courage, so much patience, so much toil, a special Paradise for the good dogs, the poor dogs, the sorry and unfriendly dogs. Does not Swedenborg say that there is one for Turks and another for Dutchmen? The shepherds of Virgil and Theocritus ex- pected as the prize of their successive songs a good cheese, a flute by the best maker, or a she-goat wi…
1928 · PDF PAGE 146
perhaps that that is very strong, she would say immediately; I suppose that you are an authority on strength; and she would argue the point. One fine day she took to chemistry, so that henceforth I found a mask of glass between my mouth and hers. With all that, she was very prudish; if at any time I shocked her by a too amorous gesture she writhed like a victim of rape. How did that finish? said one of the three others; I did not know you were so patient. For every evil, he replied, God has ap- pointed a remedy. One day I found this…
1928 · PDF PAGE 37
…ing her in the suburbs;on fair days, needless to say, with a licence from the magistrate. Pay close attention. See with what voracity (perhaps genuine) she tears to pieces the liv- ing rabbits and the cackling fowls which her keeper throws her. Come, says he; one must not eat all ones fortune in a single day; and with this prudent speech he cruelly tears from her the prey whose torn guts remain for an in- stant clinging to the teeth of the savage brute. I mean of the woman. Come, a good whack to quiet her! for she darts eyes terrible wi…
1928 · PDF PAGE 121
…te music, and their women dance like bears. Luckily, be- fore the month is up we shall be in Austria, where the folk are pleasanter. Perhaps we should do better to go down to Spain; the year is getting on, says one of the others. Let us run away from the rain and get nothing wet but our throats!
1928 · PDF PAGE 114
…ws are those which find no voice. As to the father, he contented him- self with saying, half stupidly, half dreamily, After all, it is perhaps for the best; he was sure to finish badly. However, the body was stretched on my di- van, and, with the aid of a servant I was busy- ing myself with the final preparations when the mother came into my studio. She wished, she said, to see the body of her son. I could not, of course, prevent her from intoxicating herself with her unhappiness; I could not refuse her this supreme, this sombre consolation.…