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Page 1 of 11928 · PDF PAGE 12
II THE DESPAIR OF THE OLD WOMAN THE little shrivelled-up old woman felt her- self happy again in looking on the pretty child, to whom everyone was paying court, whom everyone was trying to please; a pretty crea- ture, as fragile as the little old woman herself, and like her, too, without teeth or hair. And she approached it, wooing it with baby-talk and pleasing faces. But the frightened baby struggled in the arms of the hag, and filled the house with its screams. Then the good old woman withdrew herself again into her eternal solitude, and wep…
1928 · PDF PAGE 127
XXXIII INTOXICATE YOURSELF! ONE must always be drunk. Everything lies in that; it is the only question worth consider- ing. In order not to feel the horrible burden of time which breaks your shoulders and bows you down to earth, you must intoxicate your- self without truce, but with what? With wine, poetry, or art?As you will; but intoxicate yourself. And if sometimes upon the steps of a pal- ace, or upon the green grass of a moat, or in the sad solitude of your own room, you awake, intoxication already diminished or disappeared, ask of the wi…
1928 · PDF PAGE 77
…orn: Be off with you; I am not the man to marry the mistress of certain persons whom I will not mention. Certainly, of so courageous a self-denial I had every right to be proud; but unfortunately I awoke, and all my strength deserted me. Indeed, said I to myself, I must have been very soundly asleep to show such scruples. Ah, if they could return now that I am awake I should not play the prude. And I called aloud upon them, beseeching them to pardon me; offering to give up my honour as often as must be to deserve their favour; but I had d…
1928 · PDF PAGE 27
…moralist and the doctor, who set up to know everything, cannot explain whence comes so suddenly so mad an energy to flood these lazy and self-indulgent souls, and how, incapable as they are of accomplishing the most simple and necessary things, they find, at a certain moment, an ecstatic courage to exe-
1928 · PDF PAGE 24
…e vast park swoons under the burning eye of the sun like youth under the dominion of love. The universal ecstasy of things expresses it- self by no noise; the very waters seem to sleep; how different from human festivals! Here it is an orgy of silence. One might say that an ever-increasing light makes things glitter more and more: that the excited flowers burn with desire to rival the skys blue by the vigour of their colour, and that the heat, making their perfumes visible, sends them up before the altar of the day-star like clouds. Neverthele…
1928 · PDF PAGE 70
…tional, provided always that she have sufficient imagination to create it on the spur of the moment. The good Fairy then replied, with a self- possession worthy of her high rank, I give your sonI give himthe gift of pleasing. But please how?To please?Why to please? the little shop-keeper obstinately asked, for he was doubtless one of that very common class of reasoners who are incapable of rising to the height of the logic of the ab- surd. Because, because! replied the incensed Fairy, turning her back upon him, and rejoining her compa…
1928 · PDF PAGE 158
… I had not the courage to pick it up. I thought it less unpleasant to lose my decora- tions than to break my bones. And then I said to myselfEvery cloud has a silver lining; I shall now be able to walk about incognito; to do degrading things, give myself up to vice like mere mortals.And here I am, just like your- self, as you see. You might at least have offered a reward for your halo, or reported its loss at the Police- station!
1928 · PDF PAGE 16
…w Year to you, then went back to his comrades, whoever they were, with a fatuous air, as if to ask them to ass their approbation to his self-content. The ass did not perceive this would-be wit, and continued to run zealously where his duty called him. As for me, I was seized suddenly with immeasurable rage against this magnifi- cent imbecile, who appeared to me to concen- trate in himself the entire spirit of France.
1928 · PDF PAGE 79
Twilight excites the mad. I remembered that I myself have had two friends that twilight positively afflicted; for the first, he lost under- standing of all the relations of friendship and politeness and ill-treated the first-comer as a savage does. I have seen him throw an excel- lent fowl at the waiters head because he thought he saw in it some insulting hiero- glyphhow should I say what? The evening, forerunner of profoundest pleasures, spoilt the most toothsome things for him. The second, a man of wounded ambition, became, as the day fell,…
1928 · PDF PAGE 74
…f living matter, more so even than the sculptor can be of his clay, and thou shalt know the pleasure, ceaselessly re-born, of leaving thyself to forget thyself in another, and to draw other souls, until thou dost confound them with thine own. And I answered him, Thank you for noth- ing. What should I do with this parcel of be- ings, who doubtless are worth no more than my poor self? Though I have sometimes shame in remembering, I wish to forget nothing. And even if I did not know you, old monster, your mysterious cutlery, you ambiguous phials…
1928 · PDF PAGE 146
…th, and paid them the arrears of their wages. As for me, replied the man who had inter- rupted, I have no one to complain of but my- self. Happiness came to live with me, and I did not realize it. Destiny had lately granted me the enjoyment of a woman who was indeed the sweetest, the most submissive and the most devoted creature possible, always ready, and without enthusiasm!I should like it very much, if it is agreeable to you, was her ordi-
1928 · PDF PAGE 33
…r her a costume as Vénustre. I paid court to a thea- tre manager who said, on saying good-bye: You would do well perhaps to address yourself to Z.; he is the dullest, the most foolish and the most celebrated of all my authors; with him you might perhaps arrive at some ar- rangement. See him, and then we shall see. I bragged (Why?) of several dirty actions that I have never done, and cowardly denied several other misdeeds that I joyfully performed; thus committing the fault of boasting and the crime of respecting man. I refused to a friend an …
1928 · PDF PAGE 145
…t; to be able to deliberate is already a decadence. It is then that one definitely hunts for beauty; as for me, gentlemen, I flatter my- self that I have arrived long since at the cli- macteric epoch of the third grade, when beauty itself no longer suffices unless it is sea- soned by perfume, adornment, and the rest. I will even admit that I sometimes aspire as if to an unknown happiness, to a certain fourth de- gree, whose stigma should be perfect calm; but, during my life, except at the age of Chérubin, I have been more sensitive than anyone …
1928 · PDF PAGE 114
The most terrible sorrows are those which find no voice. As to the father, he contented him- self with saying, half stupidly, half dreamily, After all, it is perhaps for the best; he was sure to finish badly. However, the body was stretched on my di- van, and, with the aid of a servant I was busy- ing myself with the final preparations when the mother came into my studio. She wished, she said, to see the body of her son. I could not, of course, prevent her from intoxicating herself with her unhappiness; I could not refuse her this supreme, …