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Page 1 of 11910 · PDF PAGE 196
186 MR TODD CARR. Shall I remind you EUPHEMIA. Must I remind you ? CARR. No ; my memory is excellent. EUPHEMIA. Of what you swore ? CARR. I swore at the granite for not being moss. EUPHEMIA. You swore to love me always. CARR. The champagne at the Mena House is not cham- pagne ; it isthe cork of it is labelled Good intentions. EUPHEMIA. Then you didnt mean it ? CARR. [kissing her]. Am I, or am I nota plain ques- tion as between man and manloving you now ? EUPHEMIA. Oh, I know ! But I am so worried that everything most sure seems all sha…
1910 · PDF PAGE 195
MR TODD 185 EUPHEMIA. Oh, you laugh even at me ! CARR. Because I love you. So I laugh at humanity : if I took men seriously I should have to cut my throat. EUPHEMIA. So you dont take me seriously either ? CARR. If I did, I should have to cut EUPHEMIA. What ? CARR. My lucky ! EUPHEMIA. What a dreadful expression ! Where do you learn such things ? CARR. I notice you dont have to ask what it means. EUPHEMIA. Stop teasing, darling ! CARR. Im not teething ! Thats what I complain of ; you always treat me as a baby ! EUPHEMIA. Come to his mummy,…
1910 · PDF PAGE 192
182 MR TODD CARR. Oh, Todds a good sort ! I think I must be going, sir. EUPHEMIA. I wish you would stay and help me with the letters, Mr. Carr. We shall have a great deal to do in the next day or two. CARR. Well, if you really wish it, I will try and be of what service I can. [CARR, with his back to audience, laughs with his hands, behind it. MRS. OSSORY. That is indeed kind of you, Professor ! [CARRS hand-laugh grows riotous. GRANDFATHER. Where is Nurse ? I want my whisky and milk. MRS. OSSORY. [Rings.] I shall go down to lunch, Alfred. Lunc…
1910 · PDF PAGE 198
…you for a moment on urgent business. [The lovers exchange signals privately. EUPHEMIA. Show him up. THOMAS. Yes, miss. [THOMAS goes out. CARR. I will go and get a snack. Trust melove me EUPHEMIA. I willI do. [They embrace. CARR goes to the doorturns. CARR. Love metrust me. [EUPHEMIA flies to him, kisses him again, nods. EUPHEMIA. I willI doI love youI trust you. CARR. Sweetheart ! [they kiss, furtively, as if hearing footsteps.] So long ! [She retreats into the room, and blows him a kiss. CARR. [outside, loudly]. Good morning, Miss O…
1910 · PDF PAGE 205
MR TODD 195 CARR. Theres better duchesses in Burke than ever came out of it, Mrs. Ossory. By the way, unless rumour lies, the jade ! you can fly much higher than a paltry Duchess ! MRS. OSSORY. Why, why, what do you mean ? Oh, dear Professor, how sweet of you ! Or are you joking ? Somehow one never knows whether you are serious or not ! But you wouldnt make fun of my embarrassments Society is so serious, isnt it ? But, oh do ! do tell me what they say ! CARR. Well, Mrs. Ossoryyou know our mysterious friend ? MRS. OSSORY. Mr. Todd ? CARR. Y…
1910 · PDF PAGE 194
…eat intensity. EUPHEMIA. Unhand me, villain ! . . . But one has to be decent about ones relations. Even the humbug of it is rather fun. CARR. There speaks the daughter of Shakespeares country. I am sure the Bacon imbroglio was a con- summate practical joke on somebodys part. As I see the joke, I take no side in the controversy ! But we should look on the bright side of things ! [Pompously.] Poor Uncle Henry, dead and turned to clay, May feed the Beans that keep the Bile away. Oh that whom all the world did once ignore Should purge a peer or …
1910 · PDF PAGE 207
…s true ? Better than all the rest ! Come, come ! [She throws her arm round his neck and runs laugh- ing out of the room with him. [Enter CARR and CHARLEY, a toy steam-engine puff- ing in front of them ; they follow on hands and knees. The engine stops at the other end of the room. CHARLEY. Oh, my poor engines stopped ! CARR. You must pour more spirit into it. [CHARLEY goes to the cupboard and gets it, busying himself until CARRS exit. CARR sighs heavily, and sits down thoughtfully. Todds been too frequently to this house. Well, Charley and I…
1910 · PDF PAGE 193
…gain ! How can you be so thoughtless ? GRANDFATHER. Oh ! Oh ! Oh ! [They get him out of the room. MRS. OSSORY [returning]. Good-bye, Mr. Carr. It is so good of you to help. CARR. Not at all, Mrs. Ossory, not at all. I am only too glad. You should try and get a nap after lunch. MRS. OSSORY. I willI really think I will. [Exit. CARR. [Closes the door, turns to EUPHEMIA, executes a quiet hornpipe, goes to EUPHEMIA, holds out his arms.] Sweetheart ! EUPHEMIA. How dare you ! How can you ! With poor Uncle Henry lying dead ! CARR. Why have a long Lati…
1910 · PDF PAGE 191
…owI wonder if his credit is good. [His voice sinks to a whisper as the awful suspicion that he may be financially unsound strikes him.] CARR. [sharply, as if pained]. Oh, oh ! Dont suggest such a thing without the very best reason. It would be too terrible ! [This time EUPHEMIA laughs. OSSORY. My dear boy, I deliberately say it. I have the very best of reasons for supposing him to be very deeply dipped. Very deeply dipped. CARR. [Hides his head in his hands and groans, pretend- ing to be overwhelmed by the tragedy. Looks up.] Well, I was told…
1910 · PDF PAGE 185
…OSSORY (eighteen), his daughter CHARLEY OSSORY (ten), his son GEORGE DELHOMME (twenty-four), of the ministry of Foreign Affairs DIONYSUS CARR (thirty-four), Professor of Experimental Eugenics in the University of Tübingen ; and MR. TODD THOMAS, a footman A HOSPITAL NURSE
1910 · PDF PAGE 188
178 MR TODD CARR [solemnly]. Truly, my dear sir, in the midst of life we are in death. [EUPHEMIA looks up and darts a furious glance at him for she knows that he is mocking British solemnity and cant. DELHOMME. Crushedcrushed in a moment MRS. OSSORY [very piously]. Without a warning. Ah well, we must hope that [Her voice becomes a mumble. DELHOMME. I will bid you good morning ; I am sure you will not wish strangers to intrude upon your grief. If there is anything that I can do MRS. OSSORY [ conventionally ]. Pray do not leave us yet, Mo…
1910 · PDF PAGE 204
…a public benefactor. Come, let us arrange the preliminaries [They go out, OSSORY clinging tightly to TODDS arm. Enter MRS. OSSORY and CARR, dressed for walking. MRS. OSSORY. She cut me ! You saw it ! She cut me absolutely dead ! CARR. Possibly she didnt see you. [As MRS. OSSORY is not looking, he employs a gesture which lessens the likelihood of this, by calling attention to her bulk. MRS. OSSORY. I know she saw me. My only Duchess !
1910 · PDF PAGE 190
…ow. OSSORY. Nonsense, nonsense, my dear ! He was not even in the car. MRS. OSSORY. It was his car, Alfred. OSSORY. Youre a fool, Emily. CARR. I think Mr. Ossory means that we could hardly hold him responsible if one of his steamers ran down a poor polar bear on a drifting iceberg. MRS. OSSORY. I know Im quite unreasonable ; its an instinct, and intuition. You know Saga of Bond Street said how psychic I was ! [During the next few speeches CARR and EUPHEMIA correspond by signs and winks. GRANDFATHER. When I was in Australia forty-four years ag…
1910 · PDF PAGE 197
…haw that marriage is only a joke no, not Shaw ! Vaughan, or Gorell Barnes, or some name like that ! EUPHEMIA. But you will, wont you ? CARR. No, I wont, will I ? [Sings.] I have a wife and bairnies three, And Im no sure how yed agree, lassie ! EUPHEMIA. What ? [She releases herself. CARR. Well, the wifes dead, as a matter of fact. Her name was Hope-of-ever-doing-something-in-the-Wide- Wide. But the bairns are alive : young Chemistry, already apt at reparteeI should say retort ; little Biology, whos rather a worm between you and me a…
1910 · PDF PAGE 186
…. The persons are in correct morning dress, except the invalid GRANDFATHER, who is in a scarlet dressing-gown, with gold embroidery, and CARR, who affects a pseudo-Bohemian extravagance. He wears a low collar, a very big bow-tie of gorgeous colours, a pale yellow waistcoat, a rich violet lounge suit with braid, patent leather boots, pale blue socks. But the refinement and breeding of the man are never in question. His hair is reddish, curly, luxuriant. He is clean-shaved, and wears an eye- glass with a tortoiseshell rim. TODD has a face of keen…
1910 · PDF PAGE 187
…ncholy in his arm-chair ; MRS. OSSORY red and weeping ; OSSORY (a British heavy father) grief-stricken ; EUPHEMIA sobbing at the table ; CARR and DELHOMME cold and hot respectively in their expression of sympathy. MR. TODD is at the door, his cloak on, his hat in his hand. OSSORY. It is kind of you to have so come far to break the sad news, my dear sir. I hope that we shall see you again soon underunderunder happier circumstances. [TODD bows very low to the company as if deeply sympathising ; but turning his face to the audience, smiles as if…
1910 · PDF PAGE 201
…oh dear ! what a wretched world. Sciaticslike rats gnawing, gnawing at you, Charley. CHARLEY. You frighten me, grampa ! Why doesnt Mr. Carr come and play with me ? GRANDFATHER. He has gone out with your mother. Hell come by-and-by, no doubt. Run and fetch Nurse, Charley ! [CHARLEY runs off. Oh dear ! I wish I could find a good doctor. Nobody seems to do me any good. Its pain, pain all the time. Nurse ! cant you tell me of a good doctor ? For oh ! for oh ! [He looks about him fearfully ; his voice sinks to a thrilled whisper] I am so afraid…
1910 · PDF PAGE 206
196 MR TODD MRS. OSSORY. Tête-à-tête ! But would that be quite proper, Professor ? CARR. How very English !all you English think that. Butroyalty has its own etiquette. [Enter CHARLEY. Come along, Charley boy, and show me how the new engine works ! Never mind that old frump of a Duchess, Mrs. Ossory perhaps Mr. Todd may call. [Goes out with CHARLEY. MRS. OSSORY. I do hope he meant it. But hes such a terrible man for pulling legs, as they call it.I cant think where Euphemia picks up all her slang !If that plain, quiet man should really be…
1910 · PDF PAGE 208
… ? O question unavailing ! For I know not yet Thy name ! Who art Thou ? Who art Thou ? THOMAS [opening the door]. Mr. Todd. [Enter TODD. CARR. [rising]. How are you ? Im afraid you find me distracted ! Listen : all my life I have soughtnor counted the costfor the secret of things. Science is baffled, for Knowledge hath no wings ! Religion is baffled, for Faith hath no feet ! Life itselfof what value is all this coil and tumult ? Who shall give me the secret ? What is the secret ? [TODD whispers in his ear. Why, thanks, thanks ! What a fool …