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Page 1 of 11904 · PDF PAGE 89
WHY JESUS WEPT 75 SIR HERPES Z. What ? And he a Highlander ? SIR GRABSON J. It seems that was a mere disguise ; his true name was Johann Schmidt. SIR HERPES Z. So ? Why the deception ? SIR GRABSON J. A Jesuit, no doubt ! But about Lady Percivale now ? SIR HERPES Z. Better and better. Old Farmer Tyson, luckily enough, as it turned out, insisted on examination; and no less than twenty-three skilled surgeons — all men of note ! — declared her to be virgo intacta. SIR GRABSON J. Eh ? What ? SIR HERPES Z. You see, Englishmen — ah ! SIR GRABSON J. Er…
1904 · PDF PAGE 93
WHY JESUS WEPT 77 SIR HERPES Z. But how does this bear on the case ? SIR GRABSON J. Dying without issue, he has left all to Sir Percy here ; the King (cheers from large but unseen body of retainers, who have been eaves- dropping), moreover, unwilling that the Marquisate should die out, will bestow it on the same lucky young fellow. SIR HERPES Z. This is marvellous news ! SIR GRABSON J. Again, Lady Baird has just perished in awful agony. Having suffered for twenty years from a hideous and incu- rable disease, she brought matters to a climax last…
1904 · PDF PAGE 90
76 WHY JESUS WEPT SIR GRABSON J. Er — ah ! As Whistler said, “ You put out your arm, and you hit three ” —eh ? SIR HERPES Z. Probably. At least the anatomical detail is certain. Here is a ph — SIR GRABSON J. Tush, tush, old friend, I can take your word for it. SIR HERPES Z. You have some good news to announce, I think, as well as I. SIR GRABSON J. Sad for the general commonwealth, but of particular joy in this house. The Marquis of Glenstrae had the misfortune yesterday to fall against a circular saw in motion. SIR HERPES Z. Dear, dear ! and ho…
1904 · PDF PAGE 88
74 WHY JESUS WEPT SIR GRABSON J. Good ! Good ! No chance of heirs failing — ha ! But a word in your ear. This morphia ? SIR HERPES Z. Not a sign of relapse, old friend, and never will be now. Sir Percy is as sound a man as lives in England — I took four other opinions. SIR GRABSON J. None as weighty as your own ! SIR HERPES Z. You are polite, very polite. Where is Carruthers ? SIR GRABSON J. He is away to Windsor — the King (they beat their foreheads eightyseven times upon the ground) knights him to-day. SIR HERPES Z. I knew he had the O.M. and…
1904 · PDF PAGE 7
…...................................... Household servants. RITSON SIR HERPES ZOSTER, M.D. .................. A celebrated physician. SIR GRABSON JOBBS, Q.C. ................. Solicitor-General. MR. G. K. CHESTERTON ...................... Provost of Queer Street. A Horny-Handed Brother (Plymouth). A conscientious Chemist. A Theatre-Goer. Large but unseen body of retainers. MAUD, MARCHIONESS OF GLENSTRAE ANGELA, LADY BAIRD .......................... HORTENSE .......................................... Her maid. MOLLY TYSON ........................…
1904 · PDF PAGE 87
…goes. The poet hastily follows her out.) SCENE XIV TEN MONTHS LATER Sir Percy de Percivale’s Ancestral Hall. SIR HERPES ZOSTER, M.D. SIR GRABSON JABBS, Q.C. SIR HERPES Z. Yes, indeed, a most fortunate event. The children weigh 46 lbs between the three of them. All boys ! I. Godly for “ are in love with one another ”.