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Page 1 of 41922 · PDF PAGE 326
…d rolled over and over, tearing up tufts of grass and biting them to overcome our emotions. Dionysus evidently thought it was a game and began to romp; but Hermes, though evidently eager to join in the fun, was held back by his sense of responsibility. “‘ Where on earth did you learn such extraordinary language ? ”’ cried Lou at last, the tears running down her cheeks. Hermes became more serious than ever. “It’s from the Book of the Law. Change not so much as the style of a letter,” he said. We began quite seriously to wonder whether we had not…
1922 · PDF PAGE 123
…siness at all. It was really rotten of me to talk shop to a man on his honeymoon.” Lou took up the conversation. ‘“ But do tell us,” she began, ‘‘ why this thusness. It suits you splendidly, you know. But after all, I’m a woman.” Feccles suddenly became very solemn. He went to the door of the coupé and looked up and down the corridor; then he slid the door to and began to speak in a whisper. “‘ Thisis a very serious business,” he said, and paused. He took out his keys and played with them, as if uncertain how far to go. He thrust them back into…
1922 · PDF PAGE 369
…, and fired another quotation. ‘‘ The Law is for all.” “Tell me about it,” I said. My stupefaction and my annoyance were melting away. I began to perceive dimly that the Big Lion had worked out the whole situation in a masterly fashion. - He had done with his material—us, what I was doing with my material, the laws of mechanics. “‘ I discovered my will four days ago,” she said very seriously. ‘‘ It was the night that you and Big Lion climbed Deep Ghyll and took so long over Professor’s Chimney, that you missed the champagne dinner.” “ Yes, yes,…
1922 · PDF PAGE 360
…it sharply across to the right. This gesture was repeated three times and accompanied by the words :— “ Evoe Ho! Evoe Ho! Evoe Ho!” They began to clap hands but checked the movement before contact and only allowed the clash to take place on the third syllable of the great cry IAO This was followed by very rapid clapping three times three, in silence. I was entirely bewildered by this demonstration, but had no opportunity to make inquiries, for Sister Cypris immediately said “ Will” with Hermes, and lunch began in the invariable silence, a silen…
1922 · PDF PAGE 361
…nd work. But a sudden thought struck me just as I got outside the door. I sat down again on the stone seats, whipped out a note-book and began my calculations. I saw my way to a solution, jotted down my idea, and snapped the book to in triumph. It was then that I became aware that Big Lion was putting a cigar in my mouth, and that everybody was crowding around me and shaking hands. Was this another of the buffoon’s stupid jokes? “To what end ? ”’ said Big Lion, as he lighted my cigar. I had sunk back in the bench in a sort of lazy triumph. Noth…
1922 · PDF PAGE 312
…ional interest. Lala bent over his chair, and whispered long and earnestly 1in his ear. He nodded. Again he cleared his throat, and then began to speak in a strained voice. | “T think the simplest way in the long run is for Lady Pendragon to tell Sir Peter, as she has already told us, exactly what has happened, as if she were in the witness-box.”’ Lou began to twist herself about uneasily. “I’m fed up,” she burst out at last. “The witness will kindly control herself,” remarked Lamus, judicially. The callousness of his tone restored Lou not mere…
1922 · PDF PAGE 239
…I do such a thing, seeing who I was? He wanted some H. badly; finding it gone, made him want it insanely. He took one of the packets and began to chew it. “Thank God,” he said, ‘it’s quite bitter. There must be a lot in the dress.” | I was shivering and faint. I got another packet, and put it in my mouth. He went wild and clutched me by the hair, and forced open my jaws with his finger and thumb. I struggled and kicked and scratched ; but he was too strong. He got it out and put it in his own mouth. Then he hit me in the face as I sat. I went f…
1922 · PDF PAGE 348
…hat we must stop taking heroin. The next few days passed in strenuous efforts to reduce the number of the doses, and it was then that we began to discover the animal cunning of our bodies. Do what we might, there was always a reason, an imperative reason, for taking a dose at any given moment. Our minds, too, began to play us false. We found ourselves arguing as to what a dose was. As the doses became fewer, they became larger. Presently, we arrived at the stage where what we considered a fair dose could not be conveniently taken at a single sn…
1922 · PDF PAGE 332
…s on the floor than on a table. We found out that we had always gone about the world with a subconscious fear of knocking things over. I began to understand why a picnic on the grass gives such a sense of freedom. It was the absence of a worry which had annoyed us none the less because we had not been aware of it. Sister Athena stretched herself out on a folding chair, also very low. It was no trouble for her to pick up her glass from the ground. “ About what you asked,” she began, ‘“‘ it’s perfectly true that we have vanadium steel discipline …
1922 · PDF PAGE 207
…oom looking for me; but he passed me twice before he found me. The third time he stumbled up against me, gripped me by the shoulder, and began to strike. I sat as if I were paralysed. I could not even scream. Again and again he swore and struck me savagely, yet so weakly that I could not feel the blows. Besides, I was dulled to all possible pain. Presently he collapsed, and rolled over on the. bed. I thought for a moment he was dead, and then he was seized by a series of spasms ; his muscles twisted and twitched; his hands clawed at the air; he…
1922 · PDF PAGE 222
…nd ourselves laughing together. It was really very extraordinary the way in which talking to Basil or his pupils exhilarated the mind. I began to see why he was so distrusted and disliked. People always pretend to want to be lifted out of themselves, but in reality they’re terribly afraid of anything happening to them. And Basil always strikes at the root of one’s spiritual oak. He wants one to be oneself, and the price of that is to abandon the false ideas that one has of oneself. People like the sham teachers that soothe them with narcotic pl…
1922 · PDF PAGE 254
… inn is a Swiss. He kept his mouth shut ; and I saw to it that he had no reason to regret the policy. What I can’t remember is how Peter began to get better: mentally, I mean. I ought to have kept this diary properly, I know, but as he improved, he took up more and more of my time, and then I had to do so many things to have things ready for him when he was able to get up. And now, I can’t think how it came about; but I believe the first sign of improvement was that the poem dropped out. He began to talk naturally about ordinary affairs. He was…
1922 · PDF PAGE 115
…ing tangible. Feccles was an obvious crook. If I had handed him that five thousand, I should never have heard of him or of it again. ' I began to recover my spirits. “Look here,” said Lou, “ let’s forget it. Write Feccles a note to say you couldn’t raise the money by the date it was wanted, and let’s get out. We ought to economise, in any case, Let's get off to Italy as we said. The exchange is awfully good, and _living’s delightfully cheap. It’s silly ‘spending money when you've got Love and Cocaine.” My spirit leapt to meet hers. I scribbled …
1922 · PDF PAGE 362
CHAPTER VII LOVE UNDER WILL I BEGAN to laugh despite myself. “Well,” I said, puffing at my cigar, “I do really wish you’d let me know what this is all about. Has Lloyd George resigned? ”’ “No,” said Big Lion, “it’s just you!” “What about me?” I retorted. “Why, your success, of course,” said Sister Cypris. Something, of course, quite obvious to them was hidden from my dull understanding. I turned on Basil point-blank. “What success ?”’ I said. “It’s true I do see my way through a formula that’s been bothering me. But I don’t see how you know abo…
1922 · PDF PAGE 199
…uggled savagely hour by hour. There were moments when the abstinence itself purged us by sheer pain of the capacity to suffer. Our minds began to wander. We were whirled on the wings of woe across the flaming skies of anguish. I remember Peter standing at the table, lost to all sense of actuality. He cried in a shrill, cracked voice :— ‘** Her cranial dome is vaulted, Her mad Mongolian eyes Aslant with the ecstasies Of things. immune, exalted . Far beyond stars and skies, Slits of amber and jet——” I heard him across abysses of aching inanity. A…
1922 · PDF PAGE 294
…ering your- selves as naughty children instead of as pioneers of humanity undertaking a desperate adventure for the good of the race.” I began a-sort of apology; I don’t quite know for what. “Nonsense,” he interrupted. “I know perfectly well why you’re ashamed of yourself. You’ve had what you call a relapse. After getting down to five, six and seven doses, you’ve suddenly gone back. Yesterday, I see, Lou had fourteen and you sixteen—more than you were taking ever since you have been in this place. You think that’s a bad sign. I don't. “To begin…
1922 · PDF PAGE 276
…ng of this in my manner. Lala, after bundling me into the automobile which I had driven to Barley Grange on that first tremendous night, began to turn the conversation so as to answer my unspoken resentment. She made a pleasant little excuse for not offering me the steering-wheel. I knew too well that I couldn't have driven that car a hundred yards through traffic. I had abdicated my manhood. I must resign myself to be driven where any one was willing to take me. I might count myself lucky if I had fallen into reasonably good hands. At Greek St…
1922 · PDF PAGE 251
… I could not even remember the lines any more. I was wholly occupied by the last two paragraphs where the subject changes so suddenly. I began to realise what my governess used to call
1922 · PDF PAGE 235
… dust, Brazen shame like a flame, An orgy of pregnant pollution With hate beyond aim or name— Orgasm, death, dissolution ! ” And then he began shrieking, and ran out of the house down to the lake and dived right in. He swam a few strokes and then came out and walked slowly up to the house. I found some towelsin the linen chest. I was afraid of his catching a chill, so I rubbed him hard all over. He seemed to have forgotten everything. He was quite nice and normal but just a little scared. I can’t make out what’s the matter with him. He
1922 · PDF PAGE 219
…mpagne to my lips. She didn’t ask any questions. It wasn’t her business if my story was all lies. I felt a bit better after a while. She began to talk about King Lamus. She had fallen for him the first time she met him, about a year ago, and had become an enthusiastic pupil. She could do what she liked; she was free, plenty of money of her own, no one to interfere. In a way, I hated her for her independence. It was really envy of her freedom. 205