1922 · PDF PAGE 3
Diary of a Drug Fiend
THE DIARY OF A DRUG FIEND
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Page 1 of 101922 · PDF PAGE 5
Diary of a Drug Fiend
THE DIARY OF A DRUG FIEND
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1922 · PDF PAGE 7
Diary of a Drug Fiend
THE DIARY OF A DRUG FIEND by ALEISTER CROWLEY LONDON: 48 PALL MALL W. COLLINS SONS & CO. LTD. GLASGOW MELBOURNE AUCKLAND
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1922 · PDF PAGE 254
Diary of a Drug Fiend
240 The Diary of a Drug Fiend It won’t do to let him go under; and they must know that. I won’t trouble my silly head about it, I’ll keep on loving and trusting. October 26 I have forgotten about my diary all this time. I have been too busy with Peter. My memory is fright- fully bad. I don’t seem able to fix things at all. Peter got stronger all the time. He is practically quite well now, and took me out and taught me to shoot pheasants this morning. It was terribly exciting. I actually got one, my very first day. I got a man and wife and their…
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1922 · PDF PAGE 242
Diary of a Drug Fiend
228 The Diary of a Drug Fiend - It.is like vitriol being thrownin one’s face. We have no expression of our own. We cannot ‘think. The need is filled by these words... . The impact of light itself is a bodily pain. “When the sun is a living devil Vomiting vats of evil, And the moon and the night but mock The wretch on his barren rock, And the dome of heaven high-arched Like his mouth is arid and parched, And the caves of his heart high-spanned Are choked with alkali sand!” We are living on water. It seems for the moment to quench the thirst, at …
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1922 · PDF PAGE 108
Diary of a Drug Fiend
94 The Diary of a Drug Fiend It’s stupid to hang back. If you start to do a thing, you'd much better do it. What’s that fellow say? “T do not set my life at a pin’s fee.” That’s the right spirit. ‘‘ Unhand me, gentlemen, I'll make a ghost of him that lets me.” That’s the Pendragon spirit, and that’s the flying man’s spirit. Get to the top and stay at the top and shoot the other man down |!
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1922 · PDF PAGE 248
Diary of a Drug Fiend
234 The Diary of a Drug Fiend that my ordeal is over. He stands smiling and points downwards. I think he wants me to go back to the billiard-room. Perhaps there is some one waiting for me; some one to take me away to fulfil my destiny. I know now what it was that I thought was a shot, or a door closing. It was really both of these things in a mystical sense ; for I know now who the old man is, and that he is the father of the Messiah. ...
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1922 · PDF PAGE 188
Diary of a Drug Fiend
174 The Diary of a Drug Fiend We sent out a boy and got in three dozen small bottles. September § The world is a pig. It keeps on putting its nose where it isn’t wanted. We are overdrawn at the bank. Cockie had to write to Mr. Wolfe. “It ought to be stopped,” he cried, “ it amounts to brawling in church |” A flash of the old Peter Pan! September 8 The woman says it’s Tuesday, and we're running awfully short. Why can’t people keep their promises ? I’m sure Mabel said Sunday.
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1922 · PDF PAGE 164
Diary of a Drug Fiend
150 The Diary of a Drug Fiend August 20 I am so tired, so tired, so tired! ... My premonition was right about Lamus. There was a very unpleasant scene. We were both frightfully wretched when we got there. (I can’t get my hands and feet warm, and there’s something wrong with my writing). Peter Pan thought it best to remind him in a jocular way about his remark that we were to come when we needed him, and then introduced the subj ect of what we needed. But he took the words brutally out of our - mouths. “You needn't tell me what you need,” he sai…
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1922 · PDF PAGE 258
Diary of a Drug Fiend
244 The Diary of a Drug Fiend know why, but I felt that I needed a treatment. I was trembling all over. It was worse when I went in: for I could see that she was as shocked as McCall. Then I got in front of a glass. Howis it thatin all the times I’ve looked at myself in these months I’ve never seen what they see in a second ? Good God! it’s too awful to talk about. My face is drawn and haggard and pale and wrinkled. I might be sixty. Well, what do I care? I’ve had three beautiful sniffs ! Madame dolled me up as well as she could. Already I look…
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1922 · PDF PAGE 310
Diary of a Drug Fiend
296 The Diary of a Drug Fiend in a brilliant synthesis. ‘ You must go at once with Miss Jacobs, Sir Peter. I needn’t say how terribly anxious I feel; but I hope there is nothing really wrong. I’ll look in late this afternoon with Mr. Platt for news; and if everything Is all right—I won’t allow myself to think that it can be otherwise—we can make an appointment for the morning over our business affairs. Don’t let’s lose any time.” I shook hands hastily and slipped my hand into Maisie’s arm. She ran downstairs with me, leaving the others to wait …
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1922 · PDF PAGE 204
Diary of a Drug Fiend
Igo The Diary of a Drug Fiend And I felt an inexpressible sense of relief. His tone implied that he had taken charge of us. “No,” I said, “‘ we used up the last grain some time ago.” “IT won’t ask you to remember when,” he replied. “* T know too well how muddled one gets. And besides, when one starts this experiment, the clock doesn’t tell one much, as you know.” My self-respect came back to me with a rush. He insisted on our regarding ourselves as pioneers of science and humanity. We were making an experiment; we were risking life and reason f…
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1922 · PDF PAGE 264
Diary of a Drug Fiend
250 The Diary of a Drug Fiend y foetor of the foul breath of the dragon who is on his _ way.to crunch you. = If you make up your mind to endure the disgusting Vsymptoms, the demon soon proceeds to more serious measures. u has explained in her diary more or less what these are. But even with the help of the poet, one cannot give any idea of what it is like. For example, the question of cold. The reader thinks at once of the cold of winter. If he has travelled a little and has some imagination, he may think of the chill spells of fever. But neith…
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1922 · PDF PAGE 240
Diary of a Drug Fiend
226 The Diary of a Drug Fiend might manifest my glory, and he would fall down at my feet and worship me. After all, he has a wonderful destiny himself; like St. Joseph—or else perhaps he may be the Dragon that will try to destroy me and the Messiah. , In my position the actual H. isn’t really necessary any more than food is. The spiritual idea is sufficient. That I suppose is the lesson I had to learn. I had been relying on the stuff itself. It says in the Bible ‘‘ Angels came and ministered unto him.” My angels will bring me the manna that com…
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1922 · PDF PAGE 272
Diary of a Drug Fiend
258 The Diary of a Drug Fiend “Tt leads you by the nose, and prevents your doing your will. I remember once when I was making experiments with it myself, how I would go out with the intention of keeping away from the stuff all day, and how, without my knowing it, I took advantage of ali sorts of little incidents that cropped up to get back to the studio some hours before I had intended. I found myself out at once, of course, having learnt some of the tricks of the mind. And I sat and watched myself finding excuses for starting in. One gets into…
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1922 · PDF PAGE 183
Diary of a Drug Fiend
…to keep him company, not because I needed it. I sent bim out to get shaved and buy clean linen. I take a curious delight in writing this diary. I know now why it is and it has rather startled me. It’s just that chance phrase of King Lamus: “ Your magical diary.” I have flirted a lot with Lamus, but it was mostly swank. I dislike the man in many ways.
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1922 · PDF PAGE 224
Diary of a Drug Fiend
210 The Diary of a Drug Fiend always will be. How was it that she could speak of another woman who loved him without jealousy, and, as things were, without envy? It was true, perhaps, after all, that he had some huge hypnotic power, and held them helpless, filed away like so many letters. But Maisie was bubbling over with energy and joy; it was absurd to think of her as vampirised, as a victim. I asked her about it point-blank. “‘ My dear Lou,” she laughed, ‘‘ don’t be too utterly gaga! My Will is to sing, and Lala’s is to help him in his work—…
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1922 · PDF PAGE 256
Diary of a Drug Fiend
242 The Diary of a Drug Fiend We have been living so long at such a terrific bat, life is intolerable on any other terms. I don’t feel any physical need of drugs any more. On the contrary, I feel a delightful bodily buoyancy at having got free. It’s an extraordinary thing, too, how normal appetite has returned. We've been eating five meals a day, one feeding like forty instead of Words- worth’s forty feeding like one. We had been starving ourselves for months, and we had to make up for it. The most delicious sensation of all is the re-birth of …
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1922 · PDF PAGE 50
Diary of a Drug Fiend
36 The Diary of a Drug Fiend “Look here, Mr. Lamus,” I said, speaking very quickly, “I can drive any kind of car. Let me take Miss Hallaj home.” The Arab girl was on her feet behind me. “Yes, yes,’ she said, in a faint, yet excited voice. “That will be much the best thing. Thanks awfully.” They were the first words she had spoken. “Yes, yes,” chimed in Lou. “I want to drive in the moonlight.” The little group was huddled in the open doorway. On one side the dark crimson tides of electricity; on the other, the stainless splendour of our satellit…
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1922 · PDF PAGE 328
Diary of a Drug Fiend
314 The Diary of a Drug Fiend his turn to answer, and he was terribly afraid of forgetting his words in the presence of strangers. He looked up to Cypris pleadingly, and she whispered into his ear. “What is dy will?” with a sudden burst of con- - fidence and pride. “It is my will to eat and drink,” replied Athena gravely. “To what end?” inquired Dionysus doubtfully. “That my body may be fortified thereby.” The brat looked about him uneasily, as if the answer had taken the wind out of his sails. Cypris pressed his hand, and he brightened up agai…
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