1922 · PDF PAGE 3
Diary of a Drug Fiend
THE DIARY OF A DRUG FIEND
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Page 1 of 101922 · PDF PAGE 5
Diary of a Drug Fiend
THE DIARY OF A DRUG FIEND
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1922 · PDF PAGE 1
Diary of a Drug Fiend
Bet eee OFA DRUG FIEND ALEISTER CROWLEY
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1922 · PDF PAGE 350
Diary of a Drug Fiend
- 336 The Diary of a Drug Fiend things out of heroin which I should never have got otherwise. 8. It is dangerous to stop too suddenly. g. I'd better take a small dose now rather than put it off till later; because if I do so, it will disturb my sleep. 10. It is really very bad for the mind to be constantly preoccupied with the question of the drug. It is better to take a small dose to rid myself of the obsession. 11. I am worried about the drug because of my not having any. If I were to take some, my mind would clear up immediately, and I shoul…
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1922 · PDF PAGE 300
Diary of a Drug Fiend
286 The Diary of a Drug Fiend That was not what was wrong with Mr. Jabez Platt ! Gretel Webster was a mistress of the social arts, yet all her skill in small talk could not camouflage the artificial character of the visit. She saw it herself, and took advantage of the fact to ask Lou to take her in her bedroom and “talk clothes and leave dear Sir Peter and Mr. Platt to get better acquainted with each other.” But the process did not promise to be rapid. Dear Sir Peter and Mr. Platt seemed to have nothing to say to each other; dear Sir Peter did …
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1922 · PDF PAGE 7
Diary of a Drug Fiend
THE DIARY OF A DRUG FIEND by ALEISTER CROWLEY LONDON: 48 PALL MALL W. COLLINS SONS & CO. LTD. GLASGOW MELBOURNE AUCKLAND
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1922 · PDF PAGE 284
Diary of a Drug Fiend
270 The Diary of a Drug Fiend Lou, in a state of almost insane excitement, was calling up Barley Grange on long distance. The house- keeper was to send up something to wear that morning. While she shouted the order, I suddenly recollected that Lamus and Lala were coming in after lunch; the clothes couldn’t possibly reach us till after three o'clock. The best thing to do was to have some dressing- gowns sent up from Piccadilly. They sent people round with a selection at once, and what with that and sending out for some toilet things, and having …
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1922 · PDF PAGE 380
Diary of a Drug Fiend
366 The Diary of a Drug Fiend drug should act instantaneously and brilliantly. When it fails to do so, you know that you shouldn’t have taken it, and you should then call a halt, and analyse the circumstances of the failure. We learn more from our failures than from our successes, and your magical record will tell you by the end of the year so accurately what precise circumstances indicate the propriety of resorting to any drug, that in your second year you must be a great fool if you make even half a dozen mistakes. But, as the Book of the Law…
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1922 · PDF PAGE 278
Diary of a Drug Fiend
264 The Diary of a Drug Fiend It was impossible for either of us to put forth the slightest effort without the help of the drug. It seemed logically impossible that we should be able to stop drugs by our own efforts ; and we knew only too well from experience that we had got to a state where even a few moments delay in taking a dose might result in complete collapse and death. “T shall leave you children alone for an hour to get | settled in, and then we might drive down and have lunch in the country, don’t you think? But of-course ' you'll be …
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1922 · PDF PAGE 62
Diary of a Drug Fiend
48 The Diary of a Drug Fiend that this is the case; and this is annihilated by cocaine. Let me emphasise once more the absence of any reaction. There is where the infernal subtlety of the drug comes in. If one goes on the bust in the ordinary way on alcohol, one gets what the Americans call “the morning after the night before.” Nature warns us that we have been breaking the rules; and Nature has given us common sense enough to know that although we can borrow a bit, we have to pay back. We have drunk alcohol since the beginning of time; and it …
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1922 · PDF PAGE 108
Diary of a Drug Fiend
94 The Diary of a Drug Fiend It’s stupid to hang back. If you start to do a thing, you'd much better do it. What’s that fellow say? “T do not set my life at a pin’s fee.” That’s the right spirit. ‘‘ Unhand me, gentlemen, I'll make a ghost of him that lets me.” That’s the Pendragon spirit, and that’s the flying man’s spirit. Get to the top and stay at the top and shoot the other man down |!
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1922 · PDF PAGE 172
Diary of a Drug Fiend
158 The Diary of a Drug Fiend sincerity. I crushed down the realisation with furious anger. “T encourage you to take drugs,” he went on, “exactly as I encourage you to fly. Drugs claim to be every man’s master. ‘Is it such terrible odds— - The heir of ages of wonder, The crown of earth for an hour, The master of tide and thunder _ Against the juice of a flower ? Ay! in the roar and the rattle Of all the armies of sin, This is the only battle He never was known to win.’ You children are the flower of the new generation. You have got to fear noth…
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1922 · PDF PAGE 248
Diary of a Drug Fiend
234 The Diary of a Drug Fiend that my ordeal is over. He stands smiling and points downwards. I think he wants me to go back to the billiard-room. Perhaps there is some one waiting for me; some one to take me away to fulfil my destiny. I know now what it was that I thought was a shot, or a door closing. It was really both of these things in a mystical sense ; for I know now who the old man is, and that he is the father of the Messiah. ...
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1922 · PDF PAGE 188
Diary of a Drug Fiend
174 The Diary of a Drug Fiend We sent out a boy and got in three dozen small bottles. September § The world is a pig. It keeps on putting its nose where it isn’t wanted. We are overdrawn at the bank. Cockie had to write to Mr. Wolfe. “It ought to be stopped,” he cried, “ it amounts to brawling in church |” A flash of the old Peter Pan! September 8 The woman says it’s Tuesday, and we're running awfully short. Why can’t people keep their promises ? I’m sure Mabel said Sunday.
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1922 · PDF PAGE 310
Diary of a Drug Fiend
296 The Diary of a Drug Fiend in a brilliant synthesis. ‘ You must go at once with Miss Jacobs, Sir Peter. I needn’t say how terribly anxious I feel; but I hope there is nothing really wrong. I’ll look in late this afternoon with Mr. Platt for news; and if everything Is all right—I won’t allow myself to think that it can be otherwise—we can make an appointment for the morning over our business affairs. Don’t let’s lose any time.” I shook hands hastily and slipped my hand into Maisie’s arm. She ran downstairs with me, leaving the others to wait …
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1922 · PDF PAGE 274
Diary of a Drug Fiend
260 The Diary of a Drug Fiend The fantastic appointments of the studio were pro- jections in terms of material substances of his mind interpreted through her consciousness. I had an uncanny feeling that if it vwere not for her, King Lamus would be invisible. In his mind, there was no) difference between any two things, but through her mediation he was able to pretend that there was. The studio was divided into several parts by arrange- ments of curtains. There was a perpetual soft noise of laughter, singing, and dancing; interrupted only by per…
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1922 · PDF PAGE 353
Diary of a Drug Fiend
…t heroin, and I discovered that heroin appealed to me behind all veils, as being an escape from life. A man who has once experienced the drug-life finds it difficult to put up with the inanity of normal existence. He has become wise with the wisdom of despair. The Big Lion and Sister Athena exhausted their ingenuity in finding things with which I might occupy _ my weary aimless hours. But nothing seemed to get me out of the fixed idea that life was heroin with intervals that did not count. For about a week King Lamus tried to get me out of my g…
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1922 · PDF PAGE 306
Diary of a Drug Fiend
292 The Diary of a Drug Fiend consequences may be really most disastrous.” He broke off short, trembling with fear. He was not playing a part about this. He undoubtedly felt that it might be difficult to explain to an unsympathetic jury how a Trust Fund had lost its way to the extent of wandering into the Trustee’s private account without his suspecting it had behaved in so erratic a manner. “You are a man of the world, Sir Peter,’”’ he declared, almost blubbering, “‘ and I feel sure you understand.” I am not altogether a man of the world, as a…
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1922 · PDF PAGE 352
Diary of a Drug Fiend
338 The Diary of a Drug Fiend Basil saw my perplexity. “The fact is,” he said, ‘that you're taking this stuff as the majority of people go to church. It’s a meaningless habit.” I hated to put that down on my paper. It was confessing that I was an automaton. But something in his eye compelled me. I wrote the word, and broke out as I did so into a spasm of internal fury. I re- collected a story from my hospital days, of a man who had committed suicide when it was proved to him that he couldn't move his upper jaw. Meanwhile Lamus was looking at my…
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1922 · PDF PAGE 54
Diary of a Drug Fiend
40 The Diary of a Drug Fiend “O Thou unvintageable dew, that art moist on the lips of the Morn! I adore Thee, Evoe! I adore Thee, I A O!” At that moment, the practical part of me asserted itself with startling suddenness. I saw the dim line of the coast. I knew the line as I know the palm of my hand. I was a little out of the shortest line for Paris. I swerved slightly to the south. Below, gray seas were tumbling. It seemed to me (insanely enough) that their moving wrinkles were the laughter of a very old man. I had a sudden intuition that some…
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