FOLLOW A WORD THROUGH THE COLLECTION
Search the corpus.
Phrase search ignores case and repeated whitespace. All-words search finds whole words anywhere on the same page. OCR errors can affect results.
86 matching pages
Page 1 of 51922 · PDF PAGE 351
The True Will 337 19. Most of us dig our graves with our teeth. Heroin has destroyed my appetite, therefore it is good for me. 20. I have got into all sorts of messes with women in the past. Heroin has destroyed my interest in them. 21. Heroin has removed my desire for liquor. If I must choose, I really think heroin is the better. 22. Man has a right to spiritual ambition. He has evolved to what he is, through making dangerous experiments. Heroin certainly helps me to obtain a new spiritual outlook on the world. I have no right to assume that t…
1922 · PDF PAGE 85
A Heroin Heroine a that want to wallow in action that need three meals a day. I hardly ever talk—words seem such waste, and they are none of them true. No one has yet in- vented a language from my point of view. Human life or heroin life? I’ve tried them both; and I don’t regret having chosen as I did.” I said something about heroin shortening life. A wan smile flickered on her hollow cheeks. There was something appalling in its wintry splendour. It silenced us. She looked down at her hands. I noticed for the first time with extreme surprise th…
1922 · PDF PAGE 295
…lf. Make the most of it, I don’t care. I’m going to do it again in the following elegant manner. “T want you to get the whole subject of heroin out of your mind; and that is the reason why [ insist so strongly on your keeping a record of every time you take it. It’s a psychological paradox that the best way to forget about a thing is to make a memorandum of it. “Now, good-bye, and come to dinner to-night at the studio. Perhaps you'll feel like dancing.”’ He went off with an airy wave of the hand. When we came back from the dance the porter told…
1922 · PDF PAGE 275
…ge of the fact to watch your discomfort as if it were somebody else. When you find that you can enjoy this instead of blindly rushing to heroin for relief, you will already have gone a long way in the direction of acquiring mental control.”’ Several times during the night Lala intervened vigorously in such a way that it was impossible for us not to give her our attention. We found out later that this was part of the plan, that we were being watched for symptoms of acute disquietude, and that whenever these appeared, she interfered to prevent ou…
1922 · PDF PAGE 350
- 336 The Diary of a Drug Fiend things out of heroin which I should never have got otherwise. 8. It is dangerous to stop too suddenly. g. I'd better take a small dose now rather than put it off till later; because if I do so, it will disturb my sleep. 10. It is really very bad for the mind to be constantly preoccupied with the question of the drug. It is better to take a small dose to rid myself of the obsession. 11. I am worried about the drug because of my not having any. If I were to take some, my mind would clear up immediately, and I shoul…
1922 · PDF PAGE 340
…never had a better one.” It would be impossible to give the details of even one day at Telepylus. Life there has all the fullness of the heroin life with none of its disillusions. I must simply select such incidents as bear directly on our Purgatorio. I dropped off to sleep again after a short chat with Basil about indifferent affairs, and woke in the morning very much refreshed, and yet overpowered by the conviction that it was impossible to get up without heroin. } But the bright spring sun, his rays falling so freshly on the crags green-gray…
1922 · PDF PAGE 353
…le, and there was no answer to her pleadings. Besides this, my mind had eaten up its pabulum. I had literally nothing to think of except heroin, and I discovered that heroin appealed to me behind all veils, as being an escape from life. A man who has once experienced the drug-life finds it difficult to put up with the inanity of normal existence. He has become wise with the wisdom of despair. The Big Lion and Sister Athena exhausted their ingenuity in finding things with which I might occupy _ my weary aimless hours. But nothing seemed to get m…
1922 · PDF PAGE 349
…t be. However many forces there may be at work, one can always find their resultant. But this was all terribly vague. The desire to take heroin was clear-cut. It no longer produced any particular effect to take it. Now that I was getting down to two or three doses a day, at the most, it seemed as though there were no particular object in taking it, even as dulling the craving for it. I found it in- creasingly difficult to fill column two. King Lamus descended on me one morning, just after I had taken a dose, and was raking my brain for a reason…
1922 · PDF PAGE 72
…cal; and she puts something of the priestess into everything she does. There was a certain solemnity in the way in which she took up the heroin on the blade of a knife and put it on to the back of her hand. “My Knight,” she said, with flashing eyes, “ your Lady arms you for the fight.” And she held out her fist to my nostrils. I snuffed up the heroin with a sort of ritualistic reverence. I can't imagine where the instinct came from. Is it the sparkle of cocaine that excites one td take it greedily, and the dullness of the heroin which makes it …
1922 · PDF PAGE 282
… a state of suspended animation, with a most fascinating flow of fancies filling your brain.” I had to admit the truth of what he said. “Heroin,” he explained, ‘‘is a modification of morphine, and morphine is the most active of the principles of opium. Now surely you remember what Wilkie Collins says in The Moonstone about opium and its preparations, that they have a stimulating effect followed by a sedative effect. Heroin is much more positive in its action than opium; and the reasonable thing to do, as it seems to me, would be to go ahead wit…
1922 · PDF PAGE 216
…t pleasure if he knew that I, on my part, had had some- thing of the same feeling for him. And all the time, he went on playing with the heroin. Once or twice he nearly dropped it in his nervous emotion. It made me jump to think of the danger to that precious powder. But there was clearly only one thing to be done to get it: to fall in with the old fellow’s humour. I let my head fall on my breast and looked at him sideways out of the corners of my eyes. “You can’t expect a young girl to confess everything she has felt,’’ I whispered with a deep…
1922 · PDF PAGE 336
…fficiency of yours. Whatever am I to do with myself? Don’t you understand that it was really boredom or the dread of it that drove me to heroin to pass away the time ? ” “ That’s just it,”’ said Athena very seriously. ‘ This is all kinds of a place for driving a fellow to drink. And that’s why the Big Lion insists on our going through the mill. But it takes us a very short time to realise that there is not enough heroin in the world to tide us over a single day in such a ghastly place, so we quit.” Here was another of Basil’s paradoxes in full …
1922 · PDF PAGE 76
… completely silent, lost in our calm beatitude. You must understand that we were already excited to the highest point. The effect of the heroin had been to steady us in that state. Instead of beating passionately up the sky with flaming wings, we were poised aloft in the illimitable ether. We took fresh doses of the dull soft powder now and again. We did so without greed, hurry or even desire. The sensation was of infinite power which could afford infinite deliberation. Will itself seemed to have been abolished. We were going nowhere in particu…
1922 · PDF PAGE 13
HI. IV. VII. Vill. IX, II, Ill. IV. VII. CONTENTS BOOK I—PARADISO A KNIGHT OUT OVER THE TOP! PHAETON AU PAYS DE COCAINE A HEROIN HEROINE THE GLITTER ON THE SNOW THE WINGS OF THE OOF-BIRD VEDERE NAPOLI E POI-—-PRO PATRIA—MORI THE GATTO FRITTO THE BUBBLE BURSTS BOOK II—INFERNO SHORT COMMONS INDIAN SUMMER THE GRINDING OF THE BRAKES BELOW THE BRUTES TOWARDS MADNESS COLD TURKEY THE FINAL PLUNGE ix 102 115 128 143 162 175 192 205 220 235
1922 · PDF PAGE 193
…went away automati- cally. I found myself at home without knowing how I got here. Something told me that the real cause of her death was heroin, though, as a matter of fact, septic pheumonia can happen to any one at any moment. I’ve known two or three people go off like that. As my Uncle John used to say, conscience makes cowards of us all. King Lamus was always saying that as long as one has any emotion about any thing, love or fear or any- thing else, one can’t observe things correctly. That’s why a doctor won't attend his own family, and I c…
1922 · PDF PAGE 263
…nknown was the act of drinking e contents of the little bottlein my waistcoat pocket. It was nearly an hour and a half since we had some heroin, and already the loathsome fumes of abstention were suffocating us. We had as much as our bodies could tolerate. We didn’t want any more actively. It would do us no good to take more, but nature had already begun her process of eliminating the poison. In the body, morphine and heroin become oxydised, and it is the resulting poisons, not the drugs themselves, i“ that are responsible for the appalling eff…
1922 · PDF PAGE 75
…age. I had no idea at the time that this sudden revulsion of feeling was due to a mysterious premonition of the physiological effects of heroin in destroying love. Definitely stimulating things like alcohol, hashish and cocaine give free range to Cupid. Their destructive effect on him is simply due to the reaction. One is in debt, so to speak, because one has outrun the constable. But what I may call the philosophical types of dope, of which morphine and heroin are the principal examples, are directly inimical to active emotion and emotional ac…
1922 · PDF PAGE 83
A Heroin Heroine 69 was a certain fascination in her complete lack of fascination. Please excuse this paradoxical way of putting it. I mean that she had all the qualities which normally attract. She had the remains of an astonishing, if bizarre, beauty. She had obviously a vast wealth of experience. She possessed a quiet intensity which should have made her irresistible; and yet she was absolutely devoid of what we call magnetism. It isn’t a scientific word—so much the worse for science. It describes a fact in nature, and one of the most import…
1922 · PDF PAGE 239
…stage where one becomes wholly spiritual, the body becomes cold like a corpse.... A dreadful thing has happened. We have used up all the heroin, and there is hardly any cocaine. I remembered what I had sewn away in my white frock, and went to get it. It was on the floor in a corner of the drawing-room. It was all shrunk and rumpled and dirty, and it was still quite wet. I suppose I must have gone a long walk in the rain, though I don’t remember anything about it. All the heroin was washed away. There wasn’t a grain left. Peter came in and found…
1922 · PDF PAGE 280
…nd beat against our faces, almost blinding us. It was not until we reached the inn that we re- membered that we had come out without any heroin. Lamus was immediately all sympathy when he heard of our plight. He offered to go out and get some immediately; but Lala protested that she was dying of hunger, and she was sure that lunch would restore our strength just as well, and King Lamus could go out immediately we were finished eating. We agreed. We could hardly do anything else. As a matter of fact, the fresh air had excited in us both a very k…