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Page 1 of 31922 · PDF PAGE 217
…illy story of love at first sight on the spur of the moment. It was just a gambit. And as for me, I loathed the sight of the man, and he knew it. And he knew, too, that I wanted that heroin desperately badly. The real nature of the transaction was as plain as a prison plum-pudding. But I suppose it does amuse one in a sort of way to ape various affected attitudes. He knew that my modesty and confusion and blushes were put on like so much paint on the cheeks of a Piccadilly street- walker. It didn’t even hurt his vanity to know that I thought hi…
1922 · PDF PAGE 91
…nd flashing teeth and nostrils twitching with excitement. I saw on the tip of one delicious little curling hair a crystal glimmer that I knew. She had been out in the snowstorm ! _ My cunning twisted smile told her that I was wise to the game. “Yes,” she said excitedly, ‘‘I see how it’s done now. You pull yourself together with H. and then you start the buzz-wagon with C. Come along, put in the clutch.” , , Her hand was trembling with excitement. But on the back of it there shimmered a tiny heap of glistening snow. I sniffed it with suppressed …
1922 · PDF PAGE 313
Out of Harm’s Way 299 to herself, but to herself as she might have been before I ever knew her. “When those people arrived this afternoon,” she said quite calmly, “‘ I saw at once that they were up to some game. I knew why Gretel wanted to get me out of the room, and I tackled her about it point-blank. She told me the truth, I think, as nearly as a woman of that sort can ever get to it. Something about buying shares in a chemical works ? ”’ “Yes, certainly,” I returned, and I could feel the hostility creeping into my voice. “And why not? It’s a…
1922 · PDF PAGE 21
…d a momentary thrill of joy—it reminded me of France so much—of all those days of ferocious gambling with Death. I couldn't see a soul I knew. But at least I knew by sight the two men at the next table. Every one knew that gray ferocious wolf—a man built in every line for battle, and yet with a forehead which lifted him clean out of the turmoil. The conflicting elements in his nature had played the devil with him. Jack Fordham was his name. At sixty years of age he was still the most savage and implacable of publicists. “ Red in tooth and claw,…
1922 · PDF PAGE 202
…my mind to add, “ Can’ t you do some- thing to help him ? ” and then I changed it to ‘' Won't you?” and then I couldn’t say it at all. I knew it was wasting words. I knew that he could and he would. He came over and sat on the arm of my chair, and took down my hair, and began playing with the plaits. The action was as absolutely natural and innocent as a kitten playing with a skein of wool. | It stabbed my vanity to the heart for a second to realise that he could do a thing like that without mixing it up with sexual ideas. Yet it was that very …
1922 · PDF PAGE 89
…hint of jarring. I was aware of the flight of time, because a church clock struck somewhere far off at immense incalculable intervals. I knew, therefore, that I was making a white night of it. I was aware of dawn through the open French windows on the balcony. Ages, long ages, later, there was a chime of bells announcing early Mass; and gradually my thought became more slow, more dim; the active pleasure of thinking became passive. Little by little the shadows crept across my reverie, and then I knew no more.
1922 · PDF PAGE 129
… gun in your pocket, ~but I really can’t take it on my conscience to have Lady Pendragon along.”’ I was so full up with cocaine I hardly knew what he was saying. It was the easiest way out to nod assent and watch the clouds fighting each other to get hold of the sun. I was betting on that big white elephant on the horizon. There were two black cobras and a purple hippopotamus against him; but I couldn’t help that. With those magnificent tusks he ought to be able to settle their business, and only to look at his legs you could see the old sun ha…
1922 · PDF PAGE 175
…how me that you can stop, when you have picked yourself together and are standing on the slope laughing, I'll show you how to go on.” We knew at the back of our minds that the man was inexorable. We hated him as the weak always hate the strong, and we had to respect and admire him, detesting him all the more for the fact.
1922 · PDF PAGE 372
…steep winding path among the olives, and we did not speak. But an electric flame ran through his tiny body from one to the other, and we knew for the first time what huge happiness lay in ambush for our love. The silence of dinner shone with silken lustre. It lasted long—so long—each moment charged with litanies of love. When coffee came, Big Lion himself broke the spell. “T am going to the tower to sleep to-night; so you will be in charge of the Strangers’ House, Sir Peter| The duties are simple ; if any wanderer should ask our hospitality, it…
1922 · PDF PAGE 268
…bout the diabolical powers of the man. Could he have divined the reason for our coming to the café? I had the absolute certainty that he knew all about it, though it was humanly impossible that he should. “A very strange theory, that about death,” he said. “I wonder if there’s anything in it. It would really be too easy if we could get out of our troubles in so simple a fashion. It has always seemed to me that nothing can ever be destroyed. The problems of life are really put together ingeniously in order to baffle one, like a chess problem. We…
1922 · PDF PAGE 73
…cience want to exchange thoughts, English isn’t much good. They've had to invent new words, new symbols. Look at Einstein’s equations. I knew a man once that knew James Hinton, who invented the fourth dimension. Pretty bright chap, he was, but Hinton thought, on the most ordinary subjects, at least six times as fast as he did, and when it came to Hinton’s explaining himself, he simply couldn’t do it. That’s the great trouble when a new thinker comes along. They all moan that they can’t understand him ; the fact annoys them very much ; and ten t…
1922 · PDF PAGE 216
202 The Diary of a Drug Fiend At the same time, he would feel a certain secret pleasure if he knew that I, on my part, had had some- thing of the same feeling for him. And all the time, he went on playing with the heroin. Once or twice he nearly dropped it in his nervous emotion. It made me jump to think of the danger to that precious powder. But there was clearly only one thing to be done to get it: to fall in with the old fellow’s humour. I let my head fall on my breast and looked at him sideways out of the corners of my eyes. “You can’t expe…
1922 · PDF PAGE 201
…a pretext ; but a lie slipped ready- made from my tongue. ‘‘T am going to Basil, to see if he can’t give me something to help us out.” I knew he didn’t believe me, and I knew he didn’t care where I went or what I did. He was not shocked at my lying to him—the first time I had ever done so. I took a taxi round to the studio. My he was half truth. I was going to ask him to help in the cure; but my real object was to induce him, no matter how, to give me at least one dose. I didn’t care how I got it. I would try pretending illness. I would appeal …
1922 · PDF PAGE 276
…urn the conversation so as to answer my unspoken resentment. She made a pleasant little excuse for not offering me the steering-wheel. I knew too well that I couldn't have driven that car a hundred yards through traffic. I had abdicated my manhood. I must resign myself to be driven where any one was willing to take me. I might count myself lucky if I had fallen into reasonably good hands. At Greek Street we met with a surprise. It appeared 262
1922 · PDF PAGE 51
…k to the studio. Some force in myself, of which I was not aware, had turned my face towards Kent. I was interpreting myself to myself. I knew what I was going to do. We were bound for Barley Grange; and then, oh, the wild moonlight ride to Paris! The idea had been determined in me without any intervention of my own. It had been, in a way, the solution of an equation of which the terms were: firstly, a sort of mad identification of Lou with all one’s romantic ideas of moonlight ; then my physical habit as a flying man ; and thirdly, the traditio…
1922 · PDF PAGE 235
…n eyes. There was some dreadful fear in them, and he said,— “‘ Black, the plague of the pit, Her pustules visibly fester.”’ Of course, I knew he didn’t mean it, but I was hurt. I gave him the cocaine. It roused him. He sat up and then he held me by the shoulders and looked straight at my face and said:— “Dragon of lure and dread, Tiger of fury and lust, | The quick in chains to the dead, The slime alive in the dust, Brazen shame like a flame, An orgy of pregnant pollution With hate beyond aim or name— Orgasm, death, dissolution ! ” And then he …
1922 · PDF PAGE 60
…honey- moon seemed to occupy the whole of our waking hours. It left us no time to haunt Montmartre. We hardly troubled to eat, we hardly knew we were eating. We didn’t seem to need sleep. We never got tired. The first hint of fatigue sent one’s hand to one’s 46
1922 · PDF PAGE 219
…pose I were arrested, and they took it away from me? And then I remembered how silly I was. Maisie Jacobs had a flat in Park Mansions. I knew she would stand for anything, and keep her mouth shut. She was in, thank goodness. I don’t know what tale I told her. I don’t know why I was stupid enough to trouble my head to invent one. She's a real good sport, Maisie, and doesn’t care what you do as long as you don’t interfere with her. She had some white silk, and we sewed up the H. in little packets, and stitched them in the flounces of my dress. I …
1922 · PDF PAGE 45
…rushed over me like a storm ; for in the doorway, with Lou’s arms round his neck, was the tall, black, sinister figure of King Lamus. “I knew you wouldn't mind our dropping in, al- though it is so late,” she was saying. It would have been perfectly simple for him to acquiesce with a few conventional words. Instead, he was pontifical. “There are four gates to one palace; the floor of that palace is of silver and gold ; lapis-lazuli and jasper are there; and all rare scents; jasmine and rose, and the emblems of death. Let him enter in tum or at o…
1922 · PDF PAGE 164
… me what you need,” he said. “ The lack is only too obvious.” He said it in a non-committal way so that we couldn’t take offence; but we knew instinctively he meant brains. However, Peter stuck to his guns, like the game little devil he is. That’s why I love him. “Oh, yes, heroin,’’ said Lamus; “cocaine. We regret exceedingly to be out of it for the moment.” _ The brute seemed unconscious of our distress. He gave an imitation of an apologetic shop-walker. “ But let me show you our latest lines on morphine.” Cockie and I looked at each other wan…