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Page 1 of 71922 · PDF PAGE 269
King Lamus Intervenes 255 this; that they started taking the drugs because life, in one way or another, was one too many for them. And what is the result? The drugs have not in the least relieved the monotony of life or whatever their trouble was, and yet they have got into a state very like that of death, in which they are impotent to struggle. No, we must conquer life by living it to the full, and then we can go to meet death with a certain prestige. e can face that adventure as we've faced the others.”’ The personality of the man radiated en…
1922 · PDF PAGE 85
…ardly ever talk—words seem such waste, and they are none of them true. No one has yet in- vented a language from my point of view. Human life or heroin life? I’ve tried them both; and I don’t regret having chosen as I did.” I said something about heroin shortening life. A wan smile flickered on her hollow cheeks. There was something appalling in its wintry splendour. It silenced us. She looked down at her hands. I noticed for the first time with extreme surprise that they were extra- ordinarily dirty. She explained her smile. “ Of course, if yo…
1922 · PDF PAGE 25
…I was looking at the face of a girl that I had never seen before. And I said to myself, “‘ Well, that’s all right, I’ve known you all my life.” And when I said to myself “my life,” I didn’t in the least mean my life as Peter Pendragon, I didn’t even mean a life extending through the centuries, I meant a different kind of life—some- thing with which centuries have nothing whatever to do. And then Peter Pendragon came wholly back to himself with a start, and wondered whether he had not perhaps looked a little rudely at what his common sense assur…
1922 · PDF PAGE 229
… in every way, an object of contempt, and a failure. Yet in the very moment when his enemies succeed in murdering him and destroying his life’s work, they are obliged to admit that he has ‘‘ Accomplished the Great Work’’—of creating Living Beings! “ Every man and every woman 1s a star.” —B. K. L. I don’t like that room. I said nothing about it to Peter ; but the old man was there walking about as large as life. You have to be specially prepared to see these things. Cockie was never spiritually minded. September 18 An alarm of burglars last nigh…
1922 · PDF PAGE 268
… we could get out of our troubles in so simple a fashion. It has always seemed to me that nothing can ever be destroyed. The problems of life are really put together ingeniously in order to baffle one, like a chess problem. We can’t untie a real knot in a closed piece of string without the aid of the fourth dimension; but we can disentangle the complexities caused by dipping the string in water—and such things,”’ he added, with an almost malicious gravity in his tone. I knew what he meant. “It might very well be,” he continued, ‘ that when we f…
1922 · PDF PAGE 353
…I had literally nothing to think of except heroin, and I discovered that heroin appealed to me behind all veils, as being an escape from life. A man who has once experienced the drug-life finds it difficult to put up with the inanity of normal existence. He has become wise with the wisdom of despair. The Big Lion and Sister Athena exhausted their ingenuity in finding things with which I might occupy _ my weary aimless hours. But nothing seemed to get me out of the fixed idea that life was heroin with intervals that did not count. For about a we…
1922 · PDF PAGE 388
… a Cardinal of Rome, a member of one of the great noble families. In his youth something had happened which had thrown a shadow over his life. There are three great crises in his life, one of them due to this shadow, one to the contrast between his conscience and his ambition, and the third when, an exile in England, he falls in love. Miss Anderson shows much skill in drawing the character of this great and tragic figure.
1922 · PDF PAGE 367
…remely idiotic and extremely annoying; but at the same time one had to admit that the result of his method was to add a sort of spice to life. I remembered a remark of Maisie Jacobs: ‘‘ Never dull where Lamus is.” The events had been of an ordinary and insignificant character, and yet he had given a value to each one. He made life taste like it does when one is using heroin and cocaine, yet he did it without actual extravagance. I could understand how it was that he had his unique reputation for leading a fantastic life, and yet how no one coul…
1922 · PDF PAGE 273
…dinner might have ended, and I trembled all over like a man in an ague fit. What was happening in me? Had I suddenly fallen in love with life, or had I simply become aware of the fear of death ? When we reached the fresh air, I knew it was the former. Lamus had made me feel. The effect of the drug had been to kill all feelingin me. My impulse to kill myself had not been so wholly negative’as I had thought. It was a positive craving for what I supposed to be the anzsthesia of death. The pain of life had been too much to endure, and the influence…
1922 · PDF PAGE 348
…iary of a Drug Fiend the sensations of flying. There was the same detach- ment from the affairs of the world, the same visions of normal life in perspective; the ruddy brown roofs of the houses, the patches of tilled land, the distant hillsides with their fairy-like remoteness, the level plain of the sea, the receding coast line; all these things were so many witnesses of one great truth— that only by climbing painfully to a spot beyond human intervention, could one obtain a stable point of view from which to regard the Universe in due pro- por…
1922 · PDF PAGE 376
…hich rolled like thunder among the hills and was re-echoed from the wall of the great rock of Telepylus. It was a very curious detail of life at the Abbey, that one act merged into the next insensibly. There were no abrupt changes. Life had been assimilated to the principle of the turbine, as opposed to the reverberatory engine. Every act was equally a sacrament. The discontinuity and abruptness of ordinary life had been eliminated. A just proportion was consequently kept between the various interests. It was this as much as anything else that …
1922 · PDF PAGE 369
…ook me up to the semicircular seat on the hill above the Strangers’ House, and put me through my paces. He made me tell him all my early life and especially the part just before I met you, when I thought I loved him. And he made me see that all I had done was to try to please myself, and that I had failed. My love for him was only that of a daughter for her father. I looked to him to lead me into life, but nothing meant anything to me till the night I met you. At that moment I began to live. It was you, and not Gretel’s beastly cocaine, that fi…
1922 · PDF PAGE 102
88 The Diary of a Drug Fiend at the same time he. couldn’t risk pulling off the coup of his life in case there was a hitch, so he would get @ move on and see if he couldn’t raise five thousand on his own somewhere else, in which case he’d let me have some of his own stock anyway. He wanted me ‘in the deal if it was only for a sovereign, simply because of my luck. _ So off he ran in a great hurry. Lou and I got a car and spent the afternoon in the Bois du Boulogne. It seemed as if the cocaine had taken hold of us with new force, or else it was t…
1922 · PDF PAGE 108
… of a Drug Fiend It’s stupid to hang back. If you start to do a thing, you'd much better do it. What’s that fellow say? “T do not set my life at a pin’s fee.” That’s the right spirit. ‘‘ Unhand me, gentlemen, I'll make a ghost of him that lets me.” That’s the Pendragon spirit, and that’s the flying man’s spirit. Get to the top and stay at the top and shoot the other man down |!
1922 · PDF PAGE 249
… in his breast. I understood immediately what I had to do. It was impossible to send for a doctor. The scandal of the suicide would make life impossible ever after, and he would immediately discover that it was due to dope. The burden must be on my own shoulders. I must nurse my boy back to life. I remember that I had been too weak to walk down from the north tower. I climbed to the balustrades and gasped, and slid myself, sitting, from step to step. I was almost blind, too. My eyes seemed unable to focus on anything. | But the moment I saw wha…
1922 · PDF PAGE 195
…dge of the bed. I crept up behind him. I shook out my hair all over his face, and dug my nails into his scalp. We were living the heroin life, the life of the world of the soul. We had identified ourselves with the people of the poem. He was the poet, wreathed with poppies, with poisonous poppies that corrupted his blood, and I was the phantom of his delirium, the hideous vampire that obsessed him. Little drops of blood oozed from his scalp and clotted to black under my greedy nails. He spoke the next lines as if under some cruel compulsion. Th…
1922 · PDF PAGE 386
…therhood, and all the emotional subtleties of the desire for children. PENDER AMONG THE RESIDENTS Forrest Reid This is an episode in the life of Rex Pender, who inherited and came to live at Ballycastle. It is the story of the curious spiritual experience which came to him there. It is in a sense a “ ghost story,” but it is told by an artist and a stylist. ‘“‘ The Residents,” moreover, are admirably contrasted, and in some cases deliciously humorously drawn. A charming, enigmatic, “ different ” book.
1922 · PDF PAGE 293
…s the slumber of time as we swoon With the sun half asleep in the blue. You’re a dream, you're a mystery, empress and slave, You're like life, the inscrutable beat of its wave, You are always the all-unexpected ! When you've promised yourself, then you push me away; When you scorn me, you suddenly kindle and slay ; You hate truth as the lies She rejected! I love you because you are gallant and proud, (Your soul is a sun and your body a cloud) And you leap from my arms when I woo you ; Because you love earth and its worms, you caress The stars a…
1922 · PDF PAGE 339
…he candidate in silence and darkness. He had the choice between going mad or knowing himself. And when he was brought out into light and life, restored to love and liberty, he was in very truth a Neophyte, a man new-born. Big Lion puts us through it without our knowing what he’s doing. Though I’ve been through it myself, I didn’t know in this clear way what had really happened until I tried to explain it to you.” The sense of being enchanted came over me again very strongly. I looked across at Lou, and I could see in her eyes that she felt the …
1922 · PDF PAGE 127
…o his normal self, so that he forgot all but a few lines of the poem. Similarly, we have Herbert Spencer taking morphia every day of his life, decade after decade. Without morphia, he would simply have been a querulous invalid, preoccupied with bodily pain. With it, he was the genius whose philosophy summarised the thought of the nineteenth century. But Lou and I were born with a feeling for romance and adventure. The ecstasy of first love was already enough to take us out of ourselves to a certain extent. The action of the drugs intensified an…