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Page 1 of 41922 · PDF PAGE 287
…ing in great gasps. She had understood the essence of our friend’s tactics. We looked abominably ill ; we were actually suffering at the moment from the craving, and embarrassed by the presence of Maisie Jacobs. We did not want to take it in front of her. And yet we knew that we had won the victory. It might be a matter of weeks or months ; we didn’t even care. We were content to have mastered the principle of the thing. It would be easy to attack those clusters of crosses, and eliminate them little by little. King Lamus asked Maisie to sing. L…
1922 · PDF PAGE 341
…Lou, more than any girl I ever knew, depended for her beauty upon her spiritual state. The influence of an idea would transform her in a moment from Venus to Echidna or the reverse. It was deep spiritual satisfaction that made her so lovely this morning. But even as I stood and looked, the horrible restlessness of the heroin craving nearly drove me to take the stuff without my body telling me what it was doing. But I detected the movement in time. I thought a brisk walk might help me to pass through the critical moment. Just as I got out of the…
1922 · PDF PAGE 349
…r take it again. 6. I must show I am master of it—free to say either “yes” or “no.” And I must be perfectly sure by saying “yes’’ at the moment. My refusal to take it at the moment shows weakness. Therefore I take it. 7. In spite of the knowledge of the disadvantages of the heroin life, I am really not sure whether it isn't better than the other life. After all, I get extraordinary
1922 · PDF PAGE 93
…an Feccles had been a perfect dear the night before. He had seen Lou through the worst of the business with the utmost good taste at the moment when her natural protector, myself, was physically unable to apply the necessary what-you- may-call-it. Well, of course, the way things were at the moment, I wished Feccles in the place that modern Christianity has decided to forget. But the least I could do was to ask him to lunch. But before I had time to put this
1922 · PDF PAGE 305
… You overwhelm me. But—excuse me—I don’t see why you need the money at all, or why you don’t sell the shares through a broker.”’ At this moment Lou popped into the room. It annoyed me. Did I show it? Her face went suddenly white as marble. She stood. in the doorway of the bedroom for a moment, swaying; and then went swiftly and softly through the room to the hallway. The portiére swung to behind her—and I instantly forgot her existence, after vaguely supposing that she had gone to get her furs to show to Gretel, returning to the bedroom by the …
1922 · PDF PAGE 133
The Gatto Fritto 119 of almost paternal counsel in a very confidential tone. “You'll excuse me, I know; I’m not suggesting for a moment you're not perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, but you haven’t been in these parts before, and you must never forget the quick, violent tempers of these Southern Italians. It’s like one of these sudden gusts that the fishermen are so afraid of. It doesn’t mean anything in particular; but it’s often ugly enough at the moment, and what you have to do is to keep out of any kind of a row. There may be a l…
1922 · PDF PAGE 343
…y. “You see, it’s Adam and Eve all over again! You're trying to shift the blame on to me. By the way, I see your body is nervous at this moment. If you don’t want to take heroin, as you don’t, else you wouldn’t have let yourself get as shaky as you are, you'd better take a white tablet. It won’t put you to sleep, as you've had a night’s rest, and the poor little thing won't have anything to do but run around your solar plexus and stroke all your little pussy-cat nerves the right way.” ; I took the advice and felt much better. At that moment Kin…
1922 · PDF PAGE 369
…t of a daughter for her father. I looked to him to lead me into life, but nothing meant anything to me till the night I met you. At that moment I began to live. It was you, and not Gretel’s beastly cocaine, that filled my soul with that Litany of Fuller’s. I had chanted it often enough, but it had never touched the spot. That night I used it to get you. I had only lived that I might one day find you. And all my life curled itself, from that moment, round
1922 · PDF PAGE 106
…ole idea of being a knight is that when you see a wrong it is your duty to right it. Fortunately, there was no difficulty at the present moment. All we had to do was to drive down to the Rue de la Paix. I certainly almost fell down when I saw all those pearls on her neck. And that cabochon emerald! By George, it did go with her hair! These shop men in Paris are certainly artists. The man saw in a moment what was wrong. There was nothing to match the blue of her dress, so he showed us a sapphire and diamond bracelet and a big marquise ring that …
1922 · PDF PAGE 379
… Even when she had poisoned herself to the point of insanity, her true instincts always asserted themselves at a crisis; that is, at any moment when you, the being whom it is her function to protect, was in danger. But there must be occasions in your work when ‘the little more and how much it is’ could be added to your energy by a judicious dose of cocaine, and enable you to overcome the cumulative forces of inertia, or when the effort of concentration is so severe that the mind insists on relieving itself by distracting your thoughts from the …
1922 · PDF PAGE 141
…a snob; but I really was glad for once to be of some sort of importance. The clerk ran out of the room with the paper. He came back in a moment, beaming all over, and called the attention of the commissary to one of the morning newspapers, running his finger along the lines with suppressed excitement. My spirits rose. Evidently some social paragraph had identified us. The commissary changed his manner at once. His new tone was not exactly sympathetic and friendly, but I put that down to the man’s plebeian origin. He said something about ‘“ Cons…
1922 · PDF PAGE 76
…been abolished. We were going nowhere in particular, simply because it was our nature so to do. Our beatitude became more absolute every moment. With cocaine, one is indeed master of everything; but everything matters intensely. With heroin, the feeling of mastery increases to such a point that nothing matters at all. There is not even the disinclination to do what one happens to be doing which keeps the opium smoker inactive. The body 1s left to itself so perfectly that one is not worried by its natural activities. Again, despite our conscious…
1922 · PDF PAGE 115
…oing off like this looks to me as if there were something very funny about it.” My dream of a quarter of a million disappeared without a moment’s regret. I had been prudent after all. I had invested my cash in something tangible. Feccles was an obvious crook. If I had handed him that five thousand, I should never have heard of him or of it again. ' I began to recover my spirits. “Look here,” said Lou, “ let’s forget it. Write Feccles a note to say you couldn’t raise the money by the date it was wanted, and let’s get out. We ought to economise, …
1922 · PDF PAGE 242
…outh is arid and parched, And the caves of his heart high-spanned Are choked with alkali sand!” We are living on water. It seems for the moment to quench the thirst, at least part of it. Peter’s nervous state is very alarming. I feel sure he has delusions. He got up and staggered to the mantelpiece and leant against it with his arms stretched out. He cried in a hoarse, dry voice :— “Thirst! Not the thirst of the throat, Though that be the wildest and worst Of physical pangs that smote Alone to the heart of Christ, _Wringing the one wild cry ‘I …
1922 · PDF PAGE 362
… you are driving at. Can’t you put it in plain English?” — “With all the pleasure in life,” he returned. ‘‘ Just look at the facts for a moment. Fact one: Your 348
1922 · PDF PAGE 77
…r school. In my third term he had become head prefect ; he had won a scholarship at Oxford—one of the best things going. Then, without a moment’s warning, he had 63
1922 · PDF PAGE 249
… and gasped, and slid myself, sitting, from step to step. I was almost blind, too. My eyes seemed unable to focus on anything. | But the moment I saw what had happened, my strength came back to me, at least, not my strength but the strength of nature. It flowed through me like the wind blowing through a flimsy ragged curtain. The cartridges were very old, and the powder must have lost its strength; for the bullet turned on his breast bone and ran round the ribs. It was really a trifling wound; but he was so weak that he might have died from los…
1922 · PDF PAGE 172
…used. The dire need of the drug kept Peter alert. He followed the argument with intense activity. “Quite,” he agreed, ‘‘ and just at the moment, the word of command is ‘go on.’”’ The face of King Lamus flowered into a smile of intense amusement; and the girl at the desk shook her thin body as if she were being deliciously tickled. Intuition told me why. They had heard the argument before. a “Very cleverly put, Sir Peter. It would look well in a broad frame, very plain, of dark mahogany, over the mantelpiece, perhaps.” For some reason or other, …
1922 · PDF PAGE 116
…veloped us as we left Paris behind; and this was accompanied with an overwhelming fatigue which in itself was unspeakably delicious. The moment our heads. touched the pillows we sank like young children into exquisite deep slumber, and we woke early in the morning, exhilarated beyond all expression by the Alpine air that enlarged our lungs; that thrilled us with its keen intensity; that lifted us above the pettiness of civilisation, exalting us to communion with the eternal ; our souls soared to the primeval peaks that towered above the train. …
1922 · PDF PAGE 51
…agant gaiety and luxuriant love. I was quite aware at the time that my moral sense and my mental sense had been thrown overboard for the moment; but my attitude was simply: “ Good- bye, Jonah!” For the first time in my life I was being absolutely myself, freed from all the inhibitions of body, intellect, and training which keep us, normally, in what we call sane courses of action. I seem to remember asking myself if I was insane, and answering, “ Of course I am—sanity is a com- promise. Sanity is the thing that keeps one back.”’ 37