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Page 1 of 61922 · PDF PAGE 300
…the visit. She saw it herself, and took advantage of the fact to ask Lou to take her in her bedroom and “talk clothes and leave dear Sir Peter and Mr. Platt to get better acquainted with each other.” But the process did not promise to be rapid. Dear Sir Peter and Mr. Platt seemed to have nothing to say to each other; dear Sir Peter did his best to offer cigars, cigarettes, and various drinks to relieve the tension, but Mr. Platt’s Roman virtue did not permit him to indulge in such things. Mr. Platt, however, was so sensible of the hospitality o…
1922 · PDF PAGE 210
…not ride takes a stallion out into the desert, determined to fight the thing out to a finish. Basil was not moved by the savage spite of Peter. He refused to be provoked. Whenever he got a chance to put a word in, he simply asserted the purpose of his visit. He did not even take the trouble to deny the main accusation. It tired Peter to dash himself so uselessly against the cliff of Basil’s contempt. I don’t mean that it was contempt, either, but his calm kindness was bound to be felt as contempt because Peter couldn’t help knowing how well he …
1922 · PDF PAGE 234
… complete success. The Devil, of course, needs a human interpreter if he is to communicate with this world, and so he took possession of Peter. He has been preparing Peter to represent him. He will make Peter pope, and I am to be in the Vatican disguised, to help him because he can’t do without me. , My own spiritual guide is named Keletiel. She is a wonderful being, wears peacock blues and greens. She has white wings like a swan, and carries a sheaf of many-coloured flowers. She has long, loose, black curling hair down to her waist. There is a…
1922 · PDF PAGE 233
…y shoulder. They have been sent to watch over me and guide me, and prepare me for the great destiny which is in store for me. Here comes Peter with the waiter and a tray. I must hide this book. The secrets of the spiritual life must be kept from the profane. It’s all right. Peter is my soul-mate after all. We couldn't eat much. It’s only natural ; all base appetites have to be killed out before one is ready to go on. Peter ate very little himself; and then he said :— | “IT know why we couldn’t get the Devil to come the other night. It was havin…
1922 · PDF PAGE 209
Below the Brutes 195 The fourth man to whom Peter had gone told the same story, but had been very cordial. He thought he’d help things by standing Peter a dinner and filling him up with alcohol, with the idea that that would help him to support the lack of the other stimulant. It seems that I had to pay for the prescription. No, Lou, you're a naughty girl. You mustn’t be bitter like that. It’s your fault for getting born into a world where ignorance and folly are in constant competition for the premiership of the minds of the educated classes. …
1922 · PDF PAGE 254
…lly head about it, I’ll keep on loving and trusting. October 26 I have forgotten about my diary all this time. I have been too busy with Peter. My memory is fright- fully bad. I don’t seem able to fix things at all. Peter got stronger all the time. He is practically quite well now, and took me out and taught me to shoot pheasants this morning. It was terribly exciting. I actually got one, my very first day. I got a man and wife and their daughter to come in and do for us, so we're really very comfortable, in a countrified way. I couldn’t have a…
1922 · PDF PAGE 6
…ET BERNARD GILBERT PILGRIM’S REST _ fF. BRETT YOUNG “ PIRACY ” MICHAEL ARLEN BEANSTALK MRS. HENRY DUDENEY ROSEANNE E. MARIA ALBANESI BIG PETER ARCHIBALD MARSHALL
1922 · PDF PAGE 191
…-suggestion based on my positive statement, from experience, that people of strong character and high intelligence like yourself and Sir Peter—to whom please give my most cordial greetings |—were perfectly well able to use these things in moderation as one does soap. “ But, apart from this, do you find that the life of a ‘Heroine’ makes you abnormally ‘suggestible ?’ “ As you know, I object to the methods of Coué and Baudouin. They ask us deliberately to abandon free will and clear mentality for the semi-hypnotic state of the medieval peasant; …
1922 · PDF PAGE 306
…dering into the Trustee’s private account without his suspecting it had behaved in so erratic a manner. “You are a man of the world, Sir Peter,’”’ he declared, almost blubbering, “‘ and I feel sure you understand.” I am not altogether a man of the world, as a matter of fact ; but, whether helped by the cocaine or not, I really did think I understood fairly well what had happened. ““ But why not go to the City?” I repeated, “ they ought to fight like wolves over such a plump little doe as the Schneezug!”’ “My dear Sir Peter!’”’ He raised his han…
1922 · PDF PAGE 211
…o him and got some heroin out of him. This morning has taken everything out of me. I don’t care about saving myself. I know I can’t save Peter. Why must a woman always have a man for her motive ? All I want is H. Both Cockie and I need it heHishly. “Look here, Lou,’ he said with a cunning grin, such as I’d never seen before, quite out of keeping with his character. ‘‘ You doll yourself up and try the doctors. A man told me last night that there were some who would give you a prescription if you paid them enough. A tenner ought to do the trick.”…
1922 · PDF PAGE 232
218 The Diary of a Drug Fiend. We rang again and again. Then Peter got angry and went to see what was wrong. There isn’t a soul in the place! It’s perfectly incomprehensible. What could have happened to them all? Peter says it’s the Germans. Part of a plot to perse- cute him for what he did in the war. But I don’t think so at all. It says in a book that you have to get rid of every one if you're going to start the spiritual life. I expect my spiritual guide put it into their minds to go, but I’m very doubtful about Cockie. He’s not ready for an…
1922 · PDF PAGE 217
…al. Only one thing stuck in my conscience, and fought the corrosive attack of the heroin-hunger. After King Lamus had gone this morning, Peter and I had quar- relled bitterly. I had given up Basil, I had given up all idea of living a decent life, I had embraced the monster in whose arms I was struggling, gone with my eyes wide open into his dungeon, devoted myself to drugs, and why? I was Sir Peter’s wife. The loss of my virtue, independence, self-respect, were demanded by my loyalty to him. And already that loyalty demanded disloyalty of anoth…
1922 · PDF PAGE 201
The Grinding of the Brakes 187 Peter was asleep, but he turned like a startled snake just as I made for the door. ‘“‘ Where are you going, Lou? ” His voice was both piteous and harsh. I had not thought of inventing a pretext ; but a lie slipped ready- made from my tongue. ‘‘T am going to Basil, to see if he can’t give me something to help us out.” I knew he didn’t believe me, and I knew he didn’t care where I went or what I did. He was not shocked at my lying to him—the first time I had ever done so. I took a taxi round to the studio. My he was…
1922 · PDF PAGE 192
…stupidity—or is he a devil in- carnate, as Gretel told us he was? Does he gloat? I loathe the beast—and I thought—once—well, never mind! Peter took the letter. Anything, anything to distract the mind from its boredom! Yet we haven't the energy to do anything: we take whatever comes to us, and clutch at it feebly. “ It’s true,’’ said Cockie, to my amazement, “ and we've got to be able to ¢ell him we've won.”’ There was a long quarrel—as there is over every incident of any sort. That is natural, with this eternal insomnia and sleeping at the wron…
1922 · PDF PAGE 202
…had become the truth. I could only do what I said I was coming to do; to ask him to help me out. No, not even that. I had not got rid of Peter after all. . With King Lamus, I found I couldn’t think of myself. I had to think of Peter. I was absolutely sincere when I said with a break in my voice, ‘‘ Cockie’s in an awful mess.’ I had it in my mind to add, “ Can’ t you do some- thing to help him ? ” and then I changed it to ‘' Won't you?” and then I couldn’t say it at all. I knew it was wasting words. I knew that he could and he would. He came ove…
1922 · PDF PAGE 246
… the river Of blood aflame and a-quiver With poison secret and sour— With a sudden twitch at the last Like certain jagged daggers.” When Peter crosses the room, I see him “With blood-shot eyes dull-glassed The screaming Malay staggers Through his village aghast.” It is natural and inevitable that he should murder me. I wish he were not so weak. Anything to end it all. : The medical books said that if one didn’t die out- right from abstention, the craving would slowly wear off. I think Peter is already a little stronger. But I
1922 · PDF PAGE 172
…o stop at the word of command, and go on at the word of command according to circum- stances.” He paused. The dire need of the drug kept Peter alert. He followed the argument with intense activity. “Quite,” he agreed, ‘‘ and just at the moment, the word of command is ‘go on.’”’ The face of King Lamus flowered into a smile of intense amusement; and the girl at the desk shook her thin body as if she were being deliciously tickled. Intuition told me why. They had heard the argument before. a “Very cleverly put, Sir Peter. It would look well in a b…
1922 · PDF PAGE 188
…the bank. Cockie had to write to Mr. Wolfe. “It ought to be stopped,” he cried, “ it amounts to brawling in church |” A flash of the old Peter Pan! September 8 The woman says it’s Tuesday, and we're running awfully short. Why can’t people keep their promises ? I’m sure Mabel said Sunday.
1922 · PDF PAGE 250
…etly and dozed off... . Wednesday I count the days now. We are having an Indian summer. Nature is lovely. I go out for little walks when Peter is asleep. Friday There have been no complications, or I should have had to get a doctorin at whatever risk. What troubles me is that as he gets stronger, the delusions of perse- cution have begun to return. J know now how deeply I was myself obsessed by ideas of grandeur, and how my need to be a mother determined their form. But is it a delusion that I should be thinking con- stantly of Basil? I seem to…
1922 · PDF PAGE 243
… the Sun, writing down my experiences. The other is Lou Pendragon, an animal dying in agony from thirst. I said the last word aloud, and Peter caught it up. He crawled away from the grate towards me croaking out :— “Not the thirst benign That calls the worker to wine; Not the bodily thirst (Though that be frenzy accurst) When the mouth is full of sand, And the eyes are gummed up, and the ears Trick the soul till it hears Water, water at hand, When a man will dig his nails In his breast, and drink the blood Already that clots. and. stales Ere hi…