FOLLOW A WORD THROUGH THE COLLECTION
Search the corpus.
Phrase search ignores case and repeated whitespace. All-words search finds whole words anywhere on the same page. OCR errors can affect results.
87 matching pages
Page 1 of 51922 · PDF PAGE 58
…g it up, and sent it to a tobacconist for the purpose. Oh, dear no, quite impossible without a permit from the Custom House! I suppose I really ought to give myself up to the police. Yes, as one gets into the full swing of cocaine, one loses all consciousness of the bumpy character of this funny old oblate spheroid. One is really very much more competent to deal with the affairs of life, that is, in a certain sense of the word. M. Coué is perfectly right, just as the Christian Scientists and all those people are perfectly right, in saying that …
1922 · PDF PAGE 349
The True Will 335 what he means by “ Do what thou wilt.” I wonder what my true will is? Is there really such a thing at all? My mathematics tells me that there must be. However many forces there may be at work, one can always find their resultant. But this was all terribly vague. The desire to take heroin was clear-cut. It no longer produced any particular effect to take it. Now that I was getting down to two or three doses a day, at the most, it seemed as though there were no particular object in taking it, even as dulling the craving for it. …
1922 · PDF PAGE 182
…nks of it, the more one sees it must be so. Look how Feccles let us down. For all I know, there may be some motive at the back of even a really nice -woman. like Gretel—or Mabel Black. I’m really suspicious of myself. I think that’s it. | I must go home. I hope to God Cockie’s found some somewhere! ... I met Mabel Black coming out of the Burlington Arcade. She looked fine, all over smiles, a very short, white skirt and a new pair of patent leather boots almost up to her knees. She must find them frightfully -hot. She rushed me into a tea place,…
1922 · PDF PAGE 362
CHAPTER VII LOVE UNDER WILL I BEGAN to laugh despite myself. “Well,” I said, puffing at my cigar, “I do really wish you’d let me know what this is all about. Has Lloyd George resigned? ”’ “No,” said Big Lion, “it’s just you!” “What about me?” I retorted. “Why, your success, of course,” said Sister Cypris. Something, of course, quite obvious to them was hidden from my dull understanding. I turned on Basil point-blank. “What success ?”’ I said. “It’s true I do see my way through a formula that’s been bothering me. But I don’t see how you know abo…
1922 · PDF PAGE 249
…me the day. I have been through another terrible ordeal. I don’t know how long ago since I came down from the north tower. The noise was really a shot. I found Peter on the floor with the pistol by his side, and blood pouring from a wound in his breast. I understood immediately what I had to do. It was impossible to send for a doctor. The scandal of the suicide would make life impossible ever after, and he would immediately discover that it was due to dope. The burden must be on my own shoulders. I must nurse my boy back to life. I remember tha…
1922 · PDF PAGE 248
…iting for me; some one to take me away to fulfil my destiny. I know now what it was that I thought was a shot, or a door closing. It was really both of these things in a mystical sense ; for I know now who the old man is, and that he is the father of the Messiah. ...
1922 · PDF PAGE 157
…. He is looking awfully bad, poor boy. He feels the disgrace of having been taken in by that Feccles. But how was he to know? It was all really my fault. I ought to have had aan instinct about it. I feel rotten myself. London is frightfully hot; much hotter than it was in Italy. I want to go and live at Barley Grange. No, I don’t; what I want 1s to get back to where we were. There's frightfully little H. left. There's plenty of C.; only one wants so much. I wonder if this is the night stuff. The effect isn’t what it used to be. At first everyth…
1922 · PDF PAGE 245
Cold Turkey 231 unique. But, of course, he is not really unique in the way that I am.... We have lighted a huge fire in the billiard-room. We sleep there so far as we sleep at all. We got the waiter to bring down blankets and quilts from the bedroom, and he leaves the food on the table. But fires are no good. The cold comes from inside us. We sit in front of the blaze, roasting our hands and faces; but it makes no difference. We shiver. We try to sing like soldiers round a camp fire, but the only words that come are the appropriate ones. That p…
1922 · PDF PAGE 66
52 The Diary of a Drug Fiend And that’s really very much the same spirit. “ Heart of my heart, come out of the rain, Let’s have another go of cocaine.” I know I don’t count when it comes to poetry, and the distinguished authoress can well afford to smile, if it’s only the society smile, and step quietly over my remains. But I really have got the spirit of the thing. “ Always go on till you have to stop, Let’s have another sniff, old top!” No, that’s undignified. “Carry on! over the top!” would be better. It’s more dignified and patriotic, and e…
1922 · PDF PAGE 33
…wed to ply practically unchecked in the streets of London. While eating and breathing and going about are permitted, we shall never be a really righteous race!
1922 · PDF PAGE 310
…ant synthesis. ‘ You must go at once with Miss Jacobs, Sir Peter. I needn’t say how terribly anxious I feel; but I hope there is nothing really wrong. I’ll look in late this afternoon with Mr. Platt for news; and if everything Is all right—I won’t allow myself to think that it can be otherwise—we can make an appointment for the morning over our business affairs. Don’t let’s lose any time.” I shook hands hastily and slipped my hand into Maisie’s arm. She ran downstairs with me, leaving the others to wait for the lift.
1922 · PDF PAGE 285
…or themselves. Lamus smoked no other kind ; and yet he was a comparatively poor man. Of course, the explanation was perfectly simple. He really understood and really appreciated good tobacco, and preferred to indulge in cigars disproportion- ately. It was the man’s own business what he smoked; and yet he had managed to get himself an absolutely bad name in London on that one trait alone. People felt that it was monstrous for him to dine on a mutton
1922 · PDF PAGE 161
…ed ourselves up with five or six goes of heroin. It’s no use taking cocaine unless you're feeling pretty good already... . The supply is really awfully small. Confound this silly holiday habit. It really isn’t fair of Gretel to let us down like this. We went to the Café Wisteria. Somebody introduced us to somebody that said he could get all he wanted. But now there was a new nuisance. The police find it troublesome and dangerous to attend to the crime wave. Besides they’re too busy enforcing regulations. England’s altogether different since the…
1922 · PDF PAGE 268
…was humanly impossible that he should. “A very strange theory, that about death,” he said. “I wonder if there’s anything in it. It would really be too easy if we could get out of our troubles in so simple a fashion. It has always seemed to me that nothing can ever be destroyed. The problems of life are really put together ingeniously in order to baffle one, like a chess problem. We can’t untie a real knot in a closed piece of string without the aid of the fourth dimension; but we can disentangle the complexities caused by dipping the string in …
1922 · PDF PAGE 353
The True Will 339 really, after all, expressed in Ecclesiastes, “ Vanity, vanity, all is vanity!” My relations with Lou herself were poisoned by the same feeling. The improvement in our physical health, and the intoxicating effect of the climate and the surroundings urged us to take part in the pageant of nature. Yet against all such ideas we could not help but hear the insistent voice of Haidee Lamoureux, that the end of all these things is death. She had deliberately renounced existence as futile, and there was no answer to her pleadings. Bes…
1922 · PDF PAGE 306
292 The Diary of a Drug Fiend consequences may be really most disastrous.” He broke off short, trembling with fear. He was not playing a part about this. He undoubtedly felt that it might be difficult to explain to an unsympathetic jury how a Trust Fund had lost its way to the extent of wandering into the Trustee’s private account without his suspecting it had behaved in so erratic a manner. “You are a man of the world, Sir Peter,’”’ he declared, almost blubbering, “‘ and I feel sure you understand.” I am not altogether a man of the world, as a…
1922 · PDF PAGE 214
…h a noise like a child sucking a stick of barley sugar. I saw at once the way to appeal to him. “Well, of course, you know,” I said, ‘in really smart circles one has to offer heroin and cocaine to people. It’s only a passing fashion, of course, but while it’s on, one’s really out of it if one doesn’t do the right thing.” McCall got out of the chair at his desk, and drew up a little tapestried stool close to mine. “T see, I see,” he muttered confidentially, taking my hand and beginning to stroke it gently, “ but you know, it’s very hard to get.”…
1922 · PDF PAGE 123
… let an old pal down. Any time you find yourself with a little loose cash, just weigh in. You can have it out of my bit.” “ Well, that’s really too good of you,” I said, “ and I won’t forget it. It’ll be all right, I suppose, now you’ve got the thing through, to wait till I get back to England.” “Why, of course,” he replied. ‘“ Don’t think about business at all. It was really rotten of me to talk shop to a man on his honeymoon.” Lou took up the conversation. ‘“ But do tell us,” she began, ‘‘ why this thusness. It suits you splendidly, you know.…
1922 · PDF PAGE 163
…aid. We said we'd be there at eleven o'clock. — We drove back. We had a rotten night economising. We didn’t dare tell each other what we really feared: that somehow he might let us down. ... I can’t sleep. Cockie is lying awake with his eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. He doesn’t stir a muscle. It maddens me that he takes no interest in me. But after all, I take no interest in him. I am as restless as the wandering Jew. At the same time, I can’t settle down to anything. I keep on scribbling this stuff in my diary. It relieves me somehow …
1922 · PDF PAGE 271
…rooms.” I remembered that our supply of heroin was in Greek Street. “You know, Lamus,’”’ I stammered, ‘‘ I’m ashamed to admit it, but we really can’t get on without H. We ‘tried—in fact, once we got clean away—but we couldn’t - possibly go through that again.” _-“ Nothing to be ashamed of, my dear man,” returned our physician. ‘“‘ You can’t get on without eating. That’s no reason for stopping. All I ask you to do is to do it sensibly.” “Then you won’t cut us off?” put in Lou. “ Certainly not, why should I? You take as much as you want, and when…