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Page 1 of 61922 · PDF PAGE 350
…ary of a Drug Fiend things out of heroin which I should never have got otherwise. 8. It is dangerous to stop too suddenly. g. I'd better take a small dose now rather than put it off till later; because if I do so, it will disturb my sleep. 10. It is really very bad for the mind to be constantly preoccupied with the question of the drug. It is better to take a small dose to rid myself of the obsession. 11. I am worried about the drug because of my not having any. If I were to take some, my mind would clear up immediately, and I should be able to…
1922 · PDF PAGE 349
…e must be. However many forces there may be at work, one can always find their resultant. But this was all terribly vague. The desire to take heroin was clear-cut. It no longer produced any particular effect to take it. Now that I was getting down to two or three doses a day, at the most, it seemed as though there were no particular object in taking it, even as dulling the craving for it. I found it in- creasingly difficult to fill column two. King Lamus descended on me one morning, just after I had taken a dose, and was raking my brain for a r…
1922 · PDF PAGE 287
…ly ill ; we were actually suffering at the moment from the craving, and embarrassed by the presence of Maisie Jacobs. We did not want to take it in front of her. And yet we knew that we had won the victory. It might be a matter of weeks or months ; we didn’t even care. We were content to have mastered the principle of the thing. It would be easy to attack those clusters of crosses, and eliminate them little by little. King Lamus asked Maisie to sing. Luckily there was a baby grand in the room. He sat down and began to accompany her. I found mys…
1922 · PDF PAGE 257
…his mind. I wish he’d tell me what it is... . He brightened up at dinner. “‘ Let’s go to town to-morrow, Lou,’”’ he said. ‘“‘ We'll just take small bags. We needn’t be away more than two or three days. What we need is a few decent meals in a restaurant, and take in a show or two, and perhaps get a bunch down here to liven us up a bit. The birds are pretty good this year after all.” October 31 It only struck us when we got into the train that we couldn't possibly go to the Savoy with no clothes, Peter thought it would be a joke to go round to th…
1922 · PDF PAGE 160
… wretched. We kept on taking H. and C. all night; we couldn’t sleep, we talked about the drugs. It was just a long argument about how to take them. We felt we were somehow doing it wrong. I had been so proud of his medical knowledge, and yet it didn’t seem to throw any light. It seems that in the medical books, they speak of what they call “ Drug virginity.” The thing was to get it back; and according to the books the only way to do it is to take nothing for a long time. He said it was really just the same as any other appetite. If you have a b…
1922 · PDF PAGE 203
…ver little one may believe in the truth of the book. I felt that his voice was the voice of a prophet. I felt myself already saved. “You take some of this,”’ he went on, bringing a white tablet from a little cedar cabinet, and a big glass of cold water. ‘“‘ Throw your head back, and get it well down, and drink all this right off. Here is another to take home to your husband, and don’t forget the water. It will calm you down; your nerves have all gone west. I’ve got some people coming here in a few minutes. But this will help you through the nig…
1922 · PDF PAGE 272
…in. One gets into an absolutely morbid state, in which everything that happens has some bearing on the question, ‘Shall I or shall I not take it?’; and one gets so pleased with oneself for saying ‘no’ so often that one is tempted to reward oneself by saying ‘yes’ just once. I can promise you a very interesting time watching your minds and spotting all the little dodges. The great thing I want you to remember is that you have to learn to take pleasure in what.is really the most pleasurable thing. in the world—introspection. You have got to find …
1922 · PDF PAGE 296
…f sturdy British feeling that the thing to do was to stick it out and trust a night’s rest to tone up my nerves. Lamus had advised us to take Turkish baths if we felt unduly depressed. We had found them very useful. We had got down to three goes a day two days running, chiefly by following his advice to take one of the white tablets instead of the heroin whenever the craving became irresistible. He made rather a point of that, by the way. . It was a bad thing, he said, to yield to stress. It wasn’t nearly so harmful to take the heroin when one …
1922 · PDF PAGE 99
…hose pearls, you know.” _ “She’s quite right,’ agreed Feccles. “‘ When you're through with this honeymoon, come round with me, and we'll take our coats off and get into the game for all we’re worth and a bit more, and when we come out, we'll have J. D. Rockefeller as flat as a pancake.” “ Well,” said I, ‘no time like the present. I don’t want to buttin, but if I could be any use to you about this deal of yours——”’ Feccles shook his head. _ “No,” he said, ‘‘ this isn’t the sort of thing at all I’m putting my last bob into the deal; but it’s a ri…
1922 · PDF PAGE 314
…e for all to be done with such dirt. I slipped out and came here. I’m half insane myself at this moment with craving for H.; but I won’t take it till I’ve seen this thing through. The pain of my body helps me to bear up against the mortal anguish of my soul. Oh, I know it’s heroics and hysterics—you can call me what you like—what you say. doesn’t count any more. But I want to live; and I have asked Basil to take me away as once he promised to do long before I met you. _He has promised to cure me, and I hold him to that. He has promised to take …
1922 · PDF PAGE 276
…oke. I had been covered with blankets. She came and took them off, and told me it was time to go and get my things from Greek Street and take them to the new rooms which she had engaged for us that morning. Lou, it seemed, was already there; and had fallen asleep again, said Lala, only a few minutes before she left. I could not help feeling a dislike for the way in which everything was being managed for me. I must have shown something of this in my manner. Lala, after bundling me into the automobile which I had driven to Barley Grange on that f…
1922 · PDF PAGE 248
…smiling and points downwards. I think he wants me to go back to the billiard-room. Perhaps there is some one waiting for me; some one to take me away to fulfil my destiny. I know now what it was that I thought was a shot, or a door closing. It was really both of these things in a mystical sense ; for I know now who the old man is, and that he is the father of the Messiah. ...
1922 · PDF PAGE 109
…y reading about all sorts of terrible things in history at school. But the trouble about cocaine is this; that it’s almost impossible to take it in moderation as almost any one, except an American, can take whisky. Every dose makes you better and better. It destroys one’s power of calculation. We had already discovered the fact when we found that the supply we had got from Gretel, with the idea that it would last almost indefinitely, was running very short, when the dressing-gown came to solve the problem. We had only been a few days on the stu…
1922 · PDF PAGE 129
…ritto is a pretty hot place. I wouldn’t mind taking you as long as you go in disguise and have a gun in your pocket, ~but I really can’t take it on my conscience to have Lady Pendragon along.”’ I was so full up with cocaine I hardly knew what he was saying. It was the easiest way out to nod assent and watch the clouds fighting each other to get hold of the sun. I was betting on that big white elephant on the horizon. There were two black cobras and a purple hippopotamus against him; but I couldn’t help that. With those magnificent tusks he ough…
1922 · PDF PAGE 111
The Wings of the Oof-Bird 97 What one needs is sound common sense to take reasonable measures according to the physiological indications. One needs elasticity. It’s simply spiritual socialism to tie oneself down to fixed doses whether one needs them or not. Nature is the best guide. We had got on to the game. Our misadventure at the Petit Savoyard had taught us wisdom. We were getting stronger on the wing every hour. That chap Coué is a piker, as they say in America. “Every day, in every way, I get better and better,” indeed? The man must simpl…
1922 · PDF PAGE 270
256 The Diary of a Drug Fiend ' “T believe you're right, Basil,” she said. ‘ But if | you take that bottle away from us, the responsibility lies with you.” “Ts that calculated to frighten me?” he answered smiling, and rose to his feet. He dropped the bottle to the ground, and stamped his heel deliberately on it. “Now,” he said, ‘‘let’s get down to business,’’ |_resuming his seat. The fumes of the acid enveloped the table. “* Hydrocyanic acid,” he remarked, ‘is an excellent pick-me-up when absorbed into the system in this diluted form, but to ta…
1922 · PDF PAGE 263
…dinner; but, of course, vawe couldn’t eat anything. The mockery of having all | those expensive dishes brought, one after the other, and taken away again untouched, was irritating at } first, and then it began to be amusing. ely icipating in some weird ceremony ans. The thought mind that we already died, that cking welcome ades, the offering we were unabjé to partake. d yet, between us and the unknown was the act of drinking e contents of the little bottlein my waistcoat pocket. It was nearly an hour and a half since we had some heroin, and alr…
1922 · PDF PAGE 300
… small talk could not camouflage the artificial character of the visit. She saw it herself, and took advantage of the fact to ask Lou to take her in her bedroom and “talk clothes and leave dear Sir Peter and Mr. Platt to get better acquainted with each other.” But the process did not promise to be rapid. Dear Sir Peter and Mr. Platt seemed to have nothing to say to each other; dear Sir Peter did his best to offer cigars, cigarettes, and various drinks to relieve the tension, but Mr. Platt’s Roman virtue did not permit him to indulge in such thi…
1922 · PDF PAGE 344
… a Drug Fiend Object of familiarising the mind with ideas which normally excited. The whole system of King Lamus was to enable people to take no notice, that is, no emotional notice, of anything soever in life. A great deal of the fascination of drugs arises from the fuss that is made about them; the focusing of the attention upon them. Absinthe, forbidden in France, Switzerland, and Italy, is still sold freely in England, and no one ever met an English absinthe fiend. If any one took it into his head to start a newspaper campaign against absin…
1922 · PDF PAGE 353
…by the same feeling. The improvement in our physical health, and the intoxicating effect of the climate and the surroundings urged us to take part in the pageant of nature. Yet against all such ideas we could not help but hear the insistent voice of Haidee Lamoureux, that the end of all these things is death. She had deliberately renounced existence as futile, and there was no answer to her pleadings. Besides this, my mind had eaten up its pabulum. I had literally nothing to think of except heroin, and I discovered that heroin appealed to me be…