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CHAP. IT. 199 IV. VI. Vit. Contents BOOK III—PURGATORIO KING LAMUS INTERVENES FIRST AID THE VOICE OF VIRTUE OUT OF HARM’S WAY AT TELEPYLUS THE TRUE WILL LOVE UNDER WILL PAGE 247 262 280 297 315 333 348
… somebody else. When you find that you can enjoy this instead of blindly rushing to heroin for relief, you will already have gone a long way in the direction of acquiring mental control.”’ Several times during the night Lala intervened vigorously in such a way that it was impossible for us not to give her our attention. We found out later that this was part of the plan, that we were being watched for symptoms of acute disquietude, and that whenever these appeared, she interfered to prevent our dwelling on the subject. I was astonished to find i…
… of it before it was overturned. Feccles laughed heartily at the humorous character of the incident. I suppose it was funny in a sort of way. On the other hand, I don’t think it was quite the thing to call attention to. However, I suppose the fellow had to have his cigarette case, and after all, when you do find a table upside down, it’s not much good pretending that you don’t notice it. And very likely, on the whole, the best way to pass over the incident pleasantly is to turn it into a kind of joke. _ And I must say that Feccles showed the ta…
146 The Diary of a Drug Fiend charming, light, familiar way; but every smile was an insult, every caress was a stab. , We got back to the Savoy, utterly worn out and wretched. We kept on taking H. and C. all night; we couldn’t sleep, we talked about the drugs. It was just a long argument about how to take them. We felt we were somehow doing it wrong. I had been so proud of his medical knowledge, and yet it didn’t seem to throw any light. It seems that in the medical books, they speak of what they call “ Drug virginity.” The thing was to get it …
… I couldn’t find some and steal it. And I didn’t mean to let Peter know. On the top of everything else was the torture of shame. I had always been proud of my pride. A subtle serenity made my brain swim when I got into the street. It delighted me to be alone—to have got rid of Peter. I felt him as a restraining influence, and I had shaken him off. I despised myself for having loved him. I wanted to go to the devil my own way. I found Basil in, and alone. What luck! That hateful tall thin girl was out of the way. Basil received me with his usual…
…e time, one couldn't shut one’s eyes to the facts, and I knew Lamus would have had no hesitation in giving us a little snow, feeling the way I was. I don’t know why I felt such a disinclination to go back and ask him. It may have been the instinctive dislike of bothering him; and besides, it was rather humiliating to have to admit. There was also a trace of sturdy British feeling that the thing to do was to stick it out and trust a night’s rest to tone up my nerves. Lamus had advised us to take Turkish baths if we felt unduly depressed. We had …
…I saw, through the smoke and the stink of the club, the evil smile of Mrs. Webster. Small as the woman was, she seemed to fill the door- way. She preoccupied the attention in the same way zO
Out of Harm's Way 311 feeling grew that we had somehow strayed into an enchanted country. At the same time the country was enchanting. Dionysus was all on fire to get us up to the Abbey, and tugged at our arms. | ““ Now Di,” said Hermes, “ you know it’s wrong to pull at people like that. It’s one of the rules,” he explained to Lou, “ not to interfere with people. Big Lion says that every one would get on all right if only he were left alone.” He seemed to think the statement required explana- tion. ‘“‘ Cypris is reading Gibbon to us this week ;…
… (I can’t get my hands and feet warm, and there’s something wrong with my writing). Peter Pan thought it best to remind him in a jocular way about his remark that we were to come when we needed him, and then introduced the subj ect of what we needed. But he took the words brutally out of our - mouths. “You needn't tell me what you need,” he said. “ The lack is only too obvious.” He said it in a non-committal way so that we couldn’t take offence; but we knew instinctively he meant brains. However, Peter stuck to his guns, like the game little de…
…ruck me just as I got outside the door. I sat down again on the stone seats, whipped out a note-book and began my calculations. I saw my way to a solution, jotted down my idea, and snapped the book to in triumph. It was then that I became aware that Big Lion was putting a cigar in my mouth, and that everybody was crowding around me and shaking hands. Was this another of the buffoon’s stupid jokes? “To what end ? ”’ said Big Lion, as he lighted my cigar. I had sunk back in the bench in a sort of lazy triumph. Nothing bothered me now. I could see…
…ught us wisdom. We were getting stronger on the wing every hour. That chap Coué is a piker, as they say in America. “Every day, in every way, I get better and better,” indeed? The man must simply have been carried away by the rhyme. Why wait for aday? We had got to the stage where every minute counted. As the Scotchman said to his son, half-way through the ten-mile walk to kirk, when the boy said, “It’s a braw day the day.” “Is this a day to be ta’king 0’ days?” Thinking of days makes you think of years, and thinking of years makes you think of…
…nt with my blood like the junction of the Rhone and the Arve in Geneva. We walked into a shop and bought a car on the spot, and took it away then and there. There was one at the Grange, but we wanted a racer. We drove back to Greek Streetin a flood of delight. It was a bright, fresh autumn morning; everything had recovered its tone. Winter could never come. There was no night except as a background for the moon and the stars, and to furnish the scenery of our heavenly hell. September 17 The Grangeis certainly the finest housein the world. There…
…ally, but I couldn’t help fidgeting. I wanted to get down to business. I could feel that something urgent was on hand. I didn’t like the way Lou was acting. She stayed so absolutely still and silent, it was uncanny. Lamus had taken three matches to light his pipe and it kept on going out between almost every puff. By- and-by he threw it angrily on the carpet and lighted a cigar. There was a club fender round the grate. Maisie was sitting on it swinging her legs impatiently. We all seemed to be waiting for something to happen and it was as if no…
…re no incidents to record. We were both completely anzsthetised. Nothing bothered us. We didn’t mind the waiting on the platform, or the way the old train lumbered up to London. Everything was part of the plan. Everything was perfect pleasure. We were living above ourselves, living at a tremendous pace. The speed of the ‘plane became merely a symbol, a physical projection of our spiritual sublimity. The next two days passed like pantomime. We were married in a dirty little office by a dirty little man. We took back his car to Lamus. I was amuse…
… It’s perfectly right that one should have to undergo a certain amount of dis- comfort. You couldn’t expect anything else. It’s nature’s way. ... We picked ourselves up with five or six goes of heroin. It’s no use taking cocaine unless you're feeling pretty good already... . The supply is really awfully small. Confound this silly holiday habit. It really isn’t fair of Gretel to let us down like this. We went to the Café Wisteria. Somebody introduced us to somebody that said he could get all he wanted. But now there was a new nuisance. The polic…
… radiance about her tiniest gesture. She had no affectation about being an artist. She happened to like these people in exactly the same way as a Methodist old maid in Balham might take an interest in natives of Tonga, and so she went about with them. Her mother didn’t mind. Probably, too, the way things are nowadays, her mother didn’t matter. You mustn’t think that we were any of us drunk,
…. My mind was very active, but only so within peculiar limits. I did not seem to be directing the current of my thoughts. In an ordinary way that fact would have annoyed me intensely. But now it merely made me curious. I tried, as an experiment, to fix my mind on something definite. I was technically able to do so, but at the same time I was aware that I considered the effort not worth making. I noticed, too, that my thoughts were uniformly pleasant. Curiosity impelled me to fix my mind on ideas which are normally the source of writation and wo…
… the terrific precipices we could see the remains of successive civilisations ; Greek temples, Roman walls, Saracen cisterns, Norman gateways, and houses of all periods were perishing slowly on the gaunt, parched crags. It was very hard work for Lou and myself to climb the hill in the wretched condition of our health. We had to sit down repeatedly on the huge boulders which lined the paths that wound among the well-tilled fields dotted with gnarled gray olives. - The air of the place was a sublime intoxication, and yet its enchantment merely ru…
…ying a part about this. He undoubtedly felt that it might be difficult to explain to an unsympathetic jury how a Trust Fund had lost its way to the extent of wandering into the Trustee’s private account without his suspecting it had behaved in so erratic a manner. “You are a man of the world, Sir Peter,’”’ he declared, almost blubbering, “‘ and I feel sure you understand.” I am not altogether a man of the world, as a matter of fact ; but, whether helped by the cocaine or not, I really did think I understood fairly well what had happened. ““ But…
… geometry. My equilibrium was maintained by innumerable other forces in the same system, and what I called myself was in some mysterious way charged with a duty of manipulating the other forces, and these evaded me. When I strove to grasp them, they disappeared. My functions seemed to be to simplify complex expressions, and then to build up new complexes from the elements so isolated as to create simulacra of my own expression in other forms. This process continued, repeating itself with delirious intensity through endless zons. I suffered the …