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Page 1 of 21904 · PDF PAGE 130
[132] SONG Bugger me gently. Bertie ! My arse is rather sore : Tinkety tunkety tinkety funk ! I havent been long a whore. Mash the shit into gravy ! Make me slimy and slick ! Tinkety tunkety tinkety tunkety ! Thats what does the trick. Bugger me gently, Bertie ! My arse is rather tight. Tinkers tunkety tinkety tunk ! Well ram each other all night ! Bugger me gently, Bertie, or Ill blow off your balls with a fart ! Tinkety tunkety tinkety tunkety ! Softly now, dear heart ! O Bertie, Im in heaven ! I see the golden wa…
1904 · PDF PAGE 104
… Grey penis or green twat ; If clap were what the babe is And pox were like the cot. If I were what the turds are And love were like the arse. With double sound and single Delight our farts would mingle, With music filled as birds are That walk about the grass ; If I were what the turds arc And love were like the arse ! If you were crabs, my darling, And I your love a taenia ; Wed scratch and strain together My rubber and your leather Until we both were crazy (My stage and your proscenia) If you were crabs, my darling. And I your love a taenia…
1904 · PDF PAGE 100
…d to me ! Shit of dead lobsters under the cold sea ! What fart could get between my lips and hers ? What new sweet splutter of her hairy arse ? Unless perhaps her spitting piss me shot, Kissing her twat.
1904 · PDF PAGE 131
…econd costs a quid, The third costs you nothing, But you have to keep the kid. One kids all right. Twins is a fraud, Triplets split yer arse, Yer bet yer bloody Gawd ! One Gawds Deism ; Twos Manichee ; Were bloody Prodestunts, We run three. Somes appy Cawthlics : Cuckolds an ores They like : in consikence Five they adores. All little buggers Whats gawt any sense Itches on a dildo, And damns the expense. [133]
1904 · PDF PAGE 2
…My Life in the Highlands........ 35 CAPIT 5. The Kings Appendix................... 42 CAPIT 6. My Aunts Amusement ; or, Aching for Arse-plugs ............ 49 CAPIT 7. The Frigging Photographers ; or, The Secrets of a Sommier ...... 53 CAPIT 8. Tupping a Tombstone ; or, The Corpse and the Cleric...... 56 CAPIT 9. The Birch and the Bottom ; or, A Milliners Manners.............. 62
1904 · PDF PAGE 115
… renown By sucking his come From his bugger-boys bum, Swallowing it, and keeping it down. IV There once was a Kensington Strumpet Whose arse-hole would bray like a trumpet : Besides which gift, she Had one art, repartee. As tasty and crisp as a crumpet. [117]
1904 · PDF PAGE 133
…n the oil to ease mens woes that whirl. We now produce for public use the Automatic Girl. II Shes warmed by electricity ; she wags her arse by steam, Her eye displays Marconi rays, a chemist makes her cream. An antiseptic pussy-cat assures suspicious churls That Jonathan has guaranteed our Automatic Girls. III Besides these marks of progress theres another gain to reap. French girls are dear and Dutch, I tear, are dirty, if theyre cheap. We cater for the wants of all a humble brown may twirl Its easy passage through the slot of the Automa…
1904 · PDF PAGE 97
PARODIES LONG BEFORE DAWN Sweet cunt, if prick were stronger, Arse clear of turds that wrong her, Then two things might live longer, Two sweeter things than they. J.T. the root of power, And balls, the bloomless bower. J.T. that stands an hour, And balls that droop a day. From entry to emission When passion melts suspicion, The pot is there to pish on, The paper is there for turds, As fart by fart grows colder, And shit on brows or shoulder Slides sideways now, and smoulder The lusts too sweet for words. This one thing once worth poking God gav…
1904 · PDF PAGE 122
…cunt-stricken calf : Will you have them with Bovril, or buttered ? Alas ! The lucks ill ! The house smashed like Fat Bill, And went arse over tip like a lamp ; While the rest of us asked : Are our brains over-tasked ? Theres an odour here ! Can it be damp ? Our souls went with Bowles to the heavenly goals But we asked at the end of the tunnel : Is this No. Seven ? Or can it be heaven ? He said : I am God and not Stannl. We begged the Lords pardon walked round in his garden : This bower dont smell nice ; Ill destroy …
1904 · PDF PAGE 102
…ssal, O, Stephane, saint ! Nor wall-hole nor girl-hole nor grass-hole Accepts thy implacable cock ; But the brown, wrinkled crease of an arse-hole Is thine for the furious block ; When fervent and swollen the torrent Of solid and spasmical spend Rolls luminous up through the horrent Back-side of a friend ! Thou hast come, and the great anticlimax Is pallid in face of the dawn ; But thy joy with a quickmoving eye Max B..rb..m has rapidly drawn. A penis erect is thy totem, Thy fetish a boot very quaint ! But thy visage resembles a bottom, O, …
1904 · PDF PAGE 127
…the vapour starts ; Through pox-gnawed cavities it blows : Out at the anus worn it darts. With rapture stiff my penis glows Up, up her arse ! Ye half-crown tarts, I care no more to stuff your toes When Celia farts. IV When Celia pisses, I squat low Upon the floor for golden blisses. White wine of love ! My mouth the po. When Celia pisses. The silky stream is hot : it hisses Between the farts that mumble slow Out of the sticky bum. God misses A lot of fun. He doth not know How urine lubricateth kisses. My cock doth stand : my spunk doth flow W…
1904 · PDF PAGE 128
… Celia comes, tis earthquakes hour ! The bed vibrates like kettle-drums. It is a grand display of power When Celia comes. Right up her arse my shitty thumbs Increase her rapture. Gentle flower ! Flap go apace our bulging turns. The sea hath swallowed up the tower. Spunk trickles over both our bums In one ecstatic summer shower When Celia comes. VII When Celias sick I shit my drawers, Then wipe it up with them, then stick My head therein. The poet scores When Celias sick ! The chunks I chew ; the slime so slick I mix with monthly blood som…
1904 · PDF PAGE 140
…reases Je men fous them. The sofa cracks I spunk not through them, My darling ! Italian boys have bulging bums ; Their well trained arsehole fairly hums. They shall not get my greasy comes, My darling. My hand forgets its ancient cunning. Before I knew you it was stunning : I could toss off some twelve times running. My darling ! Now I am guiltless of a stand. Only thy arse, thy twat, thy hand, Thy lips could rouse me ; that were grand, My darling ! I cannot piss : I cannot shite. Come quickly to me, warm and white ! Well fuck like buggery…
1904 · PDF PAGE 137
Micturating Mary The well-bred wife of a high-church parson Had a daughter fair and merry Who kept twelve hours a day her arse on The fine old family jerry. She poured such a stream of waters vital From a cunt so slimy and hairy That the Bishop of London gave her the title Of Micturating Mary. One day they were praying in church for rain When the heavens above with a roar rent : Came sizzle and splash on the window pane, And the road swirled down with the torrent. Cried the vicar : How quickly its come to pass ! Lets thank the Lord for his …
1904 · PDF PAGE 43
…genial jelly-bag completed my practical sympathy with the story. Come ! Continued the Archbishop, we will stroll across to the camel. My arse is thirsty for a drain of fuck as ever your Fleet-Street throats are for a two of Scotch. I will only remark, to round off your chapter, that Her Majesty has ever been sensible of my ef- forts to please, and that it is due to her that I owe my introduction to a clerical career, and the proud station in the realm which I, although by birth a foreigner, have the honour to occupy. But my farter burns for a p…
1904 · PDF PAGE 19
PROLOGUE Good, by Jesus ! cried the Countess, as, with her fat arse poised warily over the ascetic face of the Archbishop, she lolloped a great gob of greasy spend from the throat of her bulging cunt into the gaping mouth of the half-choked ecclesiastic. It is well, my daughter, if thou art pleased, he replied, when he had swallowed the cachet of her emotions. But my venerable pudendum asks at- tention. It shall have it, father ! said the lady, and forthwith she caught his purple-knobbed pillar in her hands, and violently rubbed i…
1904 · PDF PAGE 29
… moments hesitation he gave a loud snort of dissat- isfaction and walked to the table, from which he selected a card labelled Kiss my arse. I drew back abashed. The engaging animal, at a sign from his master, now mounted the fattest of the venal women whom the Archbishop liked to have lying about the floor, and exposed a superb and succulent cream-stick of some fourteen inches in length. The woman lay on her back with her legs wide apart and in the air. With a bound the brute drove his sledge-hammer into her unresisting pussy- cat, accompan…
1904 · PDF PAGE 70
…eers with long stock-whips and mighty stiff hair- splitters were guarding them and occasionally sat- isfying their lust upon the smoking arses of the negroes. My father and mother appeared with my sister and myself, and we lost no time in getting into position for those delights that are the cardi- nal of the family system all the world over. As it was my birthday, I had the chief place. My fathers handsome quickening-peg burrowed my juicy bot- tom-hole, while my mothers central furrow was crushed upon my ploughshare as I lay on my back with …
1904 · PDF PAGE 55
…he common road of the quarter : an illustra- tion of Euclids position that the Hole is greater than its Quarter. This was a dirty split-arse me- chanic with nigger blood peeping through her low- caste white parentage. She smoked an inordinate number of cigarettes per diem, and her teeth and breath told the tale. She opened her skinny legs to anything in the shape of a tent-peg that she could
1904 · PDF PAGE 30
…est. He com- plied. From his dripping schnickel frothed a hot stiff stream of greenish piss at an incalculable pace, while from his pink arse dripped the feculent and pultaceous turdlings which we associate with a diet of wash. The stench was intolerable. Minute by minute passed by, and still the unsurpassed bladder of the unclean animal of the Semite and the Mussulman shot out its hissing torrents. Her greedy mouth frothed and seethed with the oerflowing bil- lows ; for the poor lasss throat, do what she might and she had done her best to …