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Page 1 of 21904 · PDF PAGE 82
…nly asked fidelity ; and indeed Monty had grown to love him so dearly that the thought of an adultery would have been insupportable. One day, how- ever, a sudden desire came upon him towards the most popular of the lieutenants, Andrew Clayton, a man of violent passions not usually associated with fair hair and rather timid grey eyes. Andrew saw the sly looks of the midshipman and one day went into his cabin and, stepping to his side with- out a word, gave him a fierce kiss, while his hand sought to awake desire in an even more direct manner. Bu…
1904 · PDF PAGE 137
Micturating Mary The well-bred wife of a high-church parson Had a daughter fair and merry Who kept twelve hours a day her arse on The fine old family jerry. She poured such a stream of waters vital From a cunt so slimy and hairy That the Bishop of London gave her the title Of Micturating Mary. One day they were praying in church for rain When the heavens above with a roar rent : Came sizzle and splash on the window pane, And the road swirled down with the torrent. Cried the vicar : How quickly its come to pass ! Lets thank the Lord for his …
1904 · PDF PAGE 37
… Highlands of Scotland, and no doubt the story of my exploit enlivened many a dull wet night in that dreariest of countries. Anyhow, one day my father came down from his office in a state of appalling excitement, waving a telegram. He masturbated four times in his anxiety to control his feelings, and let us have the news, which when read seemed as bald and colourless as the pee-hole of an albino baby. But there was a hidden mean- ing. The telegram read simply : Self incapacitated by overwork B.lm.r.l commandeered can no more hear you can help m…
1904 · PDF PAGE 86
…E FALL A Page from the Book of the Recording Angel. Adam had gone down to the Euphrates for a mornings sport with the Icthyosaurus. The day before he had no luck at all with a rather big fly (pterodactyl-wing and angel-hackle) and meant to spin with the artificial dodo for a bit before giving up the water as hopelessly over-fished. He had better have stayed home, though, and kept a sharp look-out with the gaff for the serpent. This is what happened in his absence. Eve had done her days work, and was sprawl- ing in the sun with her tailor-made…
1904 · PDF PAGE 62
…l stone. On the other hand I will assuredly cut it off if you do not so remove it, and that bloody quick ! I dont want to wait here all day : Ive a button-hole at home that needs my nosegay. Not so frigging fast, mister, if you please ! I retorted : there are two sides to every argument. Cut it off, if you can ! He instantly raised his sword, and directed a furious blow at the root of my aspersing-tool. The weapon broke. No ! I am not boasting of the hardness of my tenant-in-tail : I would recall to your memory the scientific fact (see the re…
1904 · PDF PAGE 110
…o luck ? Lord love a duck ! The chance was she might need a fuck ! II How many months I strove to wipe My brown and corrugated pipe ! To-day I fart for all I know. She will not hear my music. So ? It is split ? Devil a bit ! Suppose Pauline had bade me shit ! III My whole life long I learned to frig. This hour I play the supreme pig And suck her pussy. Pox or clap ? She will riot give me syph ? Mayhap ! Pox who may I still can say Those who get chancre, lucky they ! [112]
1904 · PDF PAGE 107
…ou now ! The fair Ophelia ! Nymph, in thy orisons Be all my sins remembered. OPHELIA. Good my lord, How does your honour for this many a day ? HAM. I humbly thank you ! Well, well, well. OPH. My lord, I have remembrances of yours That I have longed to redeliver : I pray you now receive them. HAM. No, not I. I never gave you aught. OPH. My honoured lord, you know right well you did. [Left disputing.] [109]
1904 · PDF PAGE 105
…f you were fuckings lady And I were lord of buggery, Wed work electric handles To dildos, sticks, and candles. Till testicles kept hey-day In vulvas greasy snuggery : If you were fuckings lady And I were lord of buggery. If you were queen of spending And I were lord of spunk, Wed fuck for days together And oil your chamois-leather, And teach my tool a bending. Arid prove your twat a skunk, If you were the queen of spending And I were lord of spunk. EPILOGUE If I were bubos victim And you orchitis prey We find what strange delight is In e…
1904 · PDF PAGE 129
…en Celia croaks. Ill dress her up in cloaks and toques Etcetera, earn her away And after sundry final pokes Hire her at three-and-six a day To G...H... what a hoax ! None but the dead shall have its way When Celia croaks. X When Celia rots, each poxy hole Will serve : she hath an hundred twats. Come finger, tongue, and fucking pole When Celia rots. Here, the old ulcers ! Happy spots ! Hail, pustules ! Hail, oh central goal Wherein some sucking devil squats Now surely as ever ! Broke the bowl. Loosed the old cord yet hope unblots The re…
1904 · PDF PAGE 97
…, Two sweeter things than they. J.T. the root of power, And balls, the bloomless bower. J.T. that stands an hour, And balls that droop a day. From entry to emission When passion melts suspicion, The pot is there to pish on, The paper is there for turds, As fart by fart grows colder, And shit on brows or shoulder Slides sideways now, and smoulder The lusts too sweet for words. This one thing once worth poking God gave (alas ! in joking) The cunt that needs no stoking. The prick that always stands Were mate most fit to find her (Were any luck) to…
1904 · PDF PAGE 94
… rise, and he, beginning vexed, Would end by sundry oaths in German, Whose tendency to edification Was not clear to his congregation. By day, by night, eternal stands ! One long continuous emission He left his cure in other hands And sought his cure of a physician, Who marvelled at his tale of tooling As at a pretty piece of fooling. But, soon convinced, he diagnosed This case as clearly as could be ; You suffer, sir (no, be composed !) From a mistaken chastity. Indulge your natural desires And quench those fires ! [94]
1904 · PDF PAGE 138
… stable : There was Copulating Cora And beautiful Mensurating Mabel And Defecating Dora. Of all they did to tell you the story I may one day not be chary For it all redounds to the honour and glory Of Micturating Mary. But the Bishop ruined the Vicars daughter. Though he usually kept it hidden, he Had a tool in length a yard and a quarter. And it jiggered a hole in her kidney. Her beautiful golden urine turned To a mucus ropy and glairy And the meaning of pains in the back was learned By Micturating Mary. The doctors did all they could to …
1904 · PDF PAGE 64
…y. Every month when her courses came on I revelled with peculiar lust in the miry bloodiness of her dearest bodily part. I would lie all day with her dumb-glutton perched on my aristocratic nose and chew the stringy mucus that issued smeary and glutinous from her bleeding privates : the taste I cannot hope to describe to you : you must taste it to appreciate it ah ! You sly dog ! I see you have been there already but it was beyond all praise. Hours flew by in this delightful occupation, she herself licking my beak with her enormous tongue (…
1904 · PDF PAGE 87
…ally nice God would keep his smoking-room jokes to himself another time. And the brute never made love either. Ill be even with him one day. I do wish this hole wouldnt itch. Rubbings no good-oh ! Its better when I rub hard. There ! Its started again now Ive left off. Ill rub harder this time. Ah ! Adam ! Adam ! Ha ! I thought I was with Adam Oh, how lovely ! And she gave a delicious little sigh. Pardon this intrusion, Duchess, pray said a new voice, in the well-bred deferential manner that is so characteristic of diplomats. …
1904 · PDF PAGE 26
…his throat and began thus. The first real scene of passion that I ever saw was in this fashion. I had been left alone in the house one day ; and, weary of confinement, I determined to stroll into the street. Not far had I gone before my attention was attracted by a small galvanized iron mission room. To my surprise, the door was ajar, and from the pulpit I heard the well known tones of a Salvation Army preacher crying Whoso- ever will may come ! In the centre of the hall I saw that the forms had been removed and replaced my mat- tresses…
1904 · PDF PAGE 22
…ith my boys, the goat, and the learned pig ; after that we will go and see the camel fed over a cigar, after which I will run through my days business you shall have a couple of whores to amuse you while you wait or you can watch my butler putting cream in the tea his only amusement, poor fellow, I sucked him dry years ago ! and then we will sit down to a real morn- ings work over my reminiscences. These, dear girl, are for you. They form this pleasant book. Now strip yourself and get a can- dle ; lunge in front of a looking-glass an…
1904 · PDF PAGE 46
…ing and the night ! O fuck- ing ! What fun you are ! Sweet, when the morn is grey ; Sweet, when they clear away Lunch, and at close of day Possibly sweetest. But I am forgetting. The passion of the wild Bedawi for his untiring steed is indeed a theme for the noblest of poets. Here he indicated the camel Hassan with an airy wave of the hand, at the same time with incomparable dexterity directing the vast battering-ram into, and engulfing it within, his pile-ridden and fistula-riddled bung- hole is a camel. See with what joy he plunges in …
1904 · PDF PAGE 85
…self as an officer and a gentleman would do, provided he were also a devout Christian. He foresaw trou- ble. It came pretty quickly. Two days afterwards Clayton had to quit his lovers room in a great hurry, as heavy footsteps trod the passage. The Captain was in his dressing-gown and proved quite Arcadian beneath. He was in bed in a jiffy, and discovered heat and moisture to an extent unwar- ranted by the climate. I thought you would never come, love, sighed the charming middy, with re- sourceful tact, so Ive been whiling away the time.…
1904 · PDF PAGE 48
…nding anonyma fainted with pleasure, and the cautious Kluckchoo withdrew, only to be summoned in all haste to the royal apartments three days later, when Mrs Arthur disclosed her find to her keeper. To make a long story short, the K..g was so de- lighted with the Appendix-fuck of Kluckchoo, that he did absolutely nothing else all day and all night. Affairs of state went by the board, and to the cringing official who dared to remind him of his approaching coronation, he replied : Bugger the Coronation ! This language shocked the prudish English,…
1904 · PDF PAGE 16
…d me queerly : I suppose I must follow, he laughed, lifting her tenderly into bed with yet another kiss. Ill tell you about it one day. So I left them. She was his mistress for more than a year perhaps is so still. It turned out that he had spent six weeks driving the poor child, whose only folly was her love for him, to suicide, by a calculated series of abominable cruelties, above all by his refusal to return her love. The final coup was as I have described ; he had foreseen all, provided for all. Such incidents are characteristi…