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Page 1 of 21904 · PDF PAGE 75
[73] CAPITULUM XI It was a sad farewell when my career in the Church again dragged me from the arms of my re- luctant family. Good-bye, sunny shores of the Hidden Island of the Caribbean Sea ! Good-bye, delicious tirly-whirly of my lovely sister ! Good-bye, incestuous ingle-nook of my mother, fiery flap- doodle of my manly sire ! Never again perchance shall I see your dear faces : never again grope in your happy hunting-grounds for the game of grap- ple-my-belly. With a heavy heart I set sail, and after a pleas- ant but uneventful voyage landed…
1904 · PDF PAGE 87
…mself another time. And the brute never made love either. Ill be even with him one day. I do wish this hole wouldnt itch. Rubbings no good-oh ! Its better when I rub hard. There ! Its started again now Ive left off. Ill rub harder this time. Ah ! Adam ! Adam ! Ha ! I thought I was with Adam Oh, how lovely ! And she gave a delicious little sigh. Pardon this intrusion, Duchess, pray said a new voice, in the well-bred deferential manner that is so characteristic of diplomats. But is it the third Wednesday, is it not ? My dea…
1904 · PDF PAGE 74
…t Leila herself could give me half the rapture I ex- perienced from my sister and mother when they laid themselves out to give me a real good birthday, especially when my father, honest man ! Came to the rescue in his bluff hearty old English fash- ion. Ah ! [72]
1904 · PDF PAGE 73
…uge guffaw : By Gods bollocks, Galahad, but there is nobody to cook the dinner ! But my sister was as clever as she was beauti- ful and good. The overseers gathered a fire of sticks, and she soon had some capital nigger meat broiling. For soup she gave us some stallion jelly from her chocked-up cuckoos nest ; for fish the scrapings of the old negresses diddly-pouts made an excellent kedgeree : for entrée she did up a lot of balls, in shit sauce : also there was plenty of tripe, and some delicious sweetbread : for vegeta- bles the stomachs of…
1904 · PDF PAGE 9
…so speaks of in the following pages under the pseudonym of Sal B . . . . . s, which I retain : I might multiply examples, but to what good purpose ? On the other hand, he would employ his fine wit in the service of piety and charity. Many are the good and generous deeds done by him under the cover of a light practical joke or quaint whim. Still less need I speak of this side of my friend ; all the world knows more than I could say. His character was more than dual, how- ever. Not only did the r of predicor vanish and re- turn, as in the epig…
1904 · PDF PAGE 126
…ds I send a card Inviting all my oldest friends To tea, if they can get a hard When Celia spends. It should be easy to make ends Meet, O good comrades of the bard ! Her twat gapes wide : what Ghost descends Upon that virgin hole ? On guard ! Brave soldiers. Frig ye ! Fucking tends To clap or chancre every yard When Celia spends. [128]
1904 · PDF PAGE 107
…orkscrew turn And lose the name of pumpship. Soft you now ! The fair Ophelia ! Nymph, in thy orisons Be all my sins remembered. OPHELIA. Good my lord, How does your honour for this many a day ? HAM. I humbly thank you ! Well, well, well. OPH. My lord, I have remembrances of yours That I have longed to redeliver : I pray you now receive them. HAM. No, not I. I never gave you aught. OPH. My honoured lord, you know right well you did. [Left disputing.] [109]
1904 · PDF PAGE 111
OUTSIDE THE SPANISH CLOISTER (ODE TO A.W.P. ESQ.) Foetus-face ! I hate your swinish Snivels against what is good. Mixed with pseudo-libertinish Would-be-naughty-if-you-could Show of dirty words from drabs Picked up east of Leicester Square. Yes ! The Ocean hath its crabs. (Otherwise ? Bah ! God knows where.) Climb the Matterhorn with porters To pretend you need no guide ! You O God ! seduce the daughters That smile smugly at your side. You the debauchee of Zermatt ! ! You ! Who cannot see a snub. Skin-thick ! Skull-thick ! παχυs δεqματο…
1904 · PDF PAGE 95
…ain hypnotic vision, They tried cold water and castration, In vain the tool persistent stood it all ; Doctor and surgeon did no mortal good at all. The patient died. His coffin crowned with flowers From various ladies roses, lilies, laurel, As some last tribute to his wondrous powers Was oak, and bound with brass. The moral Of this sad tale is so extremely patent That to repeat it were banal and blatant. Learn from this fable counterfeit presentment (Shakespeare) Of Truth this fact (Ive sought it far !) The best of blessings is divine …
1904 · PDF PAGE 94
Relieved him with such sudden glee As to upset his cup of tea. Also he found inconvenient When urchins shouted Good old stand ! When at a dance, the matrons lenient Would cough and smile behind a hand. And maidens with gazelle-like eyes Observe with wondering surprise. Besides, an everlasting aching Kept him for ever on the shove. At lunch or tea, asleep or waking, He felt the gentle hints of love. A parson too (O who could doubt it ?) Is best without it. When he began to read the text Preparatory to his sermon Twould rise, and he, beginni…
1904 · PDF PAGE 91
…en. The old snake-skin dropped and Satan stood in his own shape, a radiant spirit. You bit me, said Adam, embarrassed. For your own good ! God doomed you to death. My bite has filled your blood with a poison that will take away Deaths terrors, that will make him welcome even ! What is this poison called ? said Eve. And Satan replied Syphilis ! As he went away he laughed. God did not like to hear him. [91]
1904 · PDF PAGE 51
… of our enormous circulation. When the supply of these was done, they con- tinued with the Sunday S....d and that peculiarly foul organ, Good W...s. This was her chief pleasure, since she had sought this temporary retirement from the whirl of politics. Licking her loose and wrinkled lips, she spat the glutinous relics of her nephews emission into the face of her last lover, a Scotch missionary
1904 · PDF PAGE 19
PROLOGUE Good, by Jesus ! cried the Countess, as, with her fat arse poised warily over the ascetic face of the Archbishop, she lolloped a great gob of greasy spend from the throat of her bulging cunt into the gaping mouth of the half-choked ecclesiastic. It is well, my daughter, if thou art pleased, he replied, when he had swallowed the cachet of her emotions. But my venerable pudendum asks at- tention. It shall have it, father ! said the lady, and forthwith she caught his purple-knobbed pillar in her hands, and violently rubbed i…
1904 · PDF PAGE 70
…from my father the head overseer brought forward a fattish young girl with a quite white skin. She yelled aloud for mercy, but it was no good. In a trice she found herself tied up to a triangle, and a lusty black was snipping great lumps out of her back with his whip. We raved in unison to her shrieks, and in one explosive foam of lust, jetted our family fountains at a single mo- ment. Before the woman fainted, the overseer gave the word to stop. She was a young and modest girl, and at his signal, three huge negroes bounded upon her. Heedless o…
1904 · PDF PAGE 64
[62] CAPITULUM IX The secret of Leilas affection for me, said the good old man, withdrawing his dripping jiggling- bone from a six months kid spoilt by a sound, and inserting it in the still warm bowels of a still-born baby, was to be found in her fondness for the rapid and accurate repetition of the act of love. This I could supply, as you may imagine from my previ- ous story ; so we lived together in perfect harmony. Every month when her courses came on I revelled with peculiar lust in the miry bloodiness of her dearest bodily part. I would…
1904 · PDF PAGE 57
a Teacup, my blessed little bag-of-tricks, was ever on the qui vive for a punks cuntlet, and a good old go at Cully-shangy. But now He broke off and shed a silent tear. Reaching for a honey-pot, by which I here mean an actual jar of real china con- taining the saccharine produce of the really truly bee, he dipped his nervous nilnisitando into the glucose mass, and withdrawing, leant back and wearily chewed ginseng, while he cooled his throat with a strong infusion of Cantharides in old brandy. I am not what I was, he grumbled. These tales of…
1904 · PDF PAGE 30
…gton Symonds. At Masochist the woman cried Thats me ! Master Porker lifted up his front paw and bashed her nose in. Ah ! Thats good ! she mur- mured, as the clever creature sat on its hind legs and danced a most indecent cordax dance upon her abdomen, swollen with eight months of baby perhaps by the came whispered the Archbishop, we shall see. A bright idea struck him, as the dance, appreciated as it was, did not instantly cause a recurrence of the orgasm. He picked out Coprophile. With a yell of pleasure the girl- mot…
1904 · PDF PAGE 21
…iginality. But a pleasanter glance overspread his face, and lit his kindly grey eyes, for his own wit kept him in almost perpetual good humour let us say nothing of all this but what gentlemen should say. I might find it hard to explain the ladys respi- ratory apparatus, but she could hardly account for the condition of her gigg and gut-end. A jammy proposition ! acquiesced the venal newsman. A pretty spunky, turdy, mess ! De mortuis nil nisi bonum ! insinuated the tempter. The reporter hesitated. Tuam nasam in meum an…
1904 · PDF PAGE 20
… glutinous frig. Looking around the apartment he noticed the various items of interest with pro- fessional celerity, and by the time the good Archbishop had risen and repaired the disorder of his attire, he was able to bow politely and request [18]
1904 · PDF PAGE 27
…nthippe ; Yvonne and Zelma were frigging like wild things against his voluptuous patellae. Robert, Samuel, Thomas and Ulrich goosed like good-uns between the toes of his left foot, while Victor, Walter, Xenocrates and Yeo did the same kind office for those of his right. Remained Zeno disconsolate ; but the amorous and quick-witted lad, placing his feet together, made a capital catch-em-alive-o for his horny flip- flap. At the word of command the amorous assault began ; at the word of command the two-and-fifty lovers came with a simultaneous y…