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Page 1 of 21904 · PDF PAGE 105
…ged our native rancour And broad our mouths with smiles : If you were thrall to chancre And I were page to piles ! If you were fuckings lady And I were lord of buggery, Wed work electric handles To dildos, sticks, and candles. Till testicles kept hey-day In vulvas greasy snuggery : If you were fuckings lady And I were lord of buggery. If you were queen of spending And I were lord of spunk, Wed fuck for days together And oil your chamois-leather, And teach my tool a bending. Arid prove your twat a skunk, If you were the queen of spending An…
1904 · PDF PAGE 32
…, which he kept gaily spinning in the air, and then hurling them with unerring accuracy at the exposed cab- bage-patches of his numerous lady friends. Come he said, rising, with a sad sweet smile, to our reminiscences ! This is weary work. [30]
1904 · PDF PAGE 49
nence, and tonics was to produce a cockstand or its semblance in his shrunken anatomy. Lady B....e, displaying the magnificent rolls of her saucy spleuchan in his face, completed the con- quest. The K..g smiled again. England was saved ! But o Q...n A.......a ! was it fair to those who had resuscitated your royal consorts drooping dolly from an early grave to rush in as you did, get astride the now standing leather-stretcher of the dilapidated monarch, catch it in your grey, your scraggy, your mucus-dripping, your cold and stale- smelling cell…
1904 · PDF PAGE 116
… your rump, it Is all out of tune ! She laughed yer baboon ! Yer dont like it ? All right ! yer can lump it ! V There was a young lady named Rose Who filled not one po, but twelve poes With piss, sweat, and come, Thick slime from her bum, And snot from her bloody old nose. VI There was an American whore Whose cunt was a festering sore. She caulked it with pitch Till the bloody old bitch Was A1 at Lloyds evermore. But with earthly success not content, She grew pious to Heaven she went. Son, Father, and Ghost And the heavenly host Have …
1904 · PDF PAGE 140
It gives me very little pleasure To dole out spunk by weight or measure To any other ladys treasure, My darling. The wall hath holes I do not woo them. The pillow creases Je men fous them. The sofa cracks I spunk not through them, My darling ! Italian boys have bulging bums ; Their well trained arsehole fairly hums. They shall not get my greasy comes, My darling. My hand forgets its ancient cunning. Before I knew you it was stunning : I could toss off some twelve times running. My darling ! Now I am guiltless of a stand. Only thy arse, …
1904 · PDF PAGE 98
… re- Bound, to the doctor spur : cure he Will, quickly blending Mercury With Kalic Iodide. (A verse, too indelicate for the taste of our lady readers, has here been omitted.) As when late larks give warning Of dying fucks or dawning, Girls murmur in the morning : Once more, dear boy, once more ! And Mr. Pego failing To answer to her wailing, Bursts out in wrath and railing : I shant, you bloody whore ! But soon her mouth up swallows His prick ; her poxy hollows Grow glorious as Apollos : [100]
1904 · PDF PAGE 93
… her His admiration knew no bounds. And she agreed (vide the sequel) His power was equal. All night he kept his engine going Much to the ladys satisfaction, Till in the morning, by her showing, His total (after due subtraction Of income-tax) was found in fine Eleven thousand and eighty nine ! Still, as through years the solid rocks stand, No weakness did this hero show. He still possessed a mighty cock stand When his fair mistress had to go, And he repaired to wash his balls Before he paid his social calls. But Nemesis ! The drawing-room I…
1904 · PDF PAGE 19
…when he had swallowed the cachet of her emotions. But my venerable pudendum asks at- tention. It shall have it, father ! said the lady, and forthwith she caught his purple-knobbed pillar in her hands, and violently rubbed it in a direction perpendicular to its length, increasing both pace and pressure as the excitement of the gentleman grew more intense. But in spite of all she could do he soon ejected a small but stringy morsel of veri- table sperm, which she deftly caught in her left nostril, and sniffed up, with the relish of an old b…
1904 · PDF PAGE 57
…d fuzzle for an hour or so. The flies were by this time a seeth- ing mass upon his manly master-member ; they fed like coffin-worms at a ladys eyes. The sad soul stiffened ; Captain Standish was himself again. This is an excellent method, explained the Archbishop ; I have known it to succeed even in the direst ex- tremity. When pross and prugge have done their dirtiest : when jill and jomer have given up the job : when Abbess and Artichoke have abandoned the article in derision : then has Beelzebub come to the rescue, and Father Abraham has be…
1904 · PDF PAGE 21
…im in almost perpetual good humour let us say nothing of all this but what gentlemen should say. I might find it hard to explain the ladys respi- ratory apparatus, but she could hardly account for the condition of her gigg and gut-end. A jammy proposition ! acquiesced the venal newsman. A pretty spunky, turdy, mess ! De mortuis nil nisi bonum ! insinuated the tempter. The reporter hesitated. Tuam nasam in meum anum immite ! laughed the Archbishop, and the pressman, like Messrs. Pond and Morrell in Gilberts ballad, was con…
1904 · PDF PAGE 20
…ng butter-knife within the hole thus formed. The foaming guts closed round his maddened member ; the convulsive heaves of the suffocated lady simulated nay, sur- passed ! he wildest crissations of the most ac- complished courtesans, the most domesticated ma- trons ; and the Archbishop rode to glory in a char- iot of fire truly seven times hotter than its wont. Hardly had the jets of boiling love-lotion flooded the peritoneal cavity of the now rapidly pu- trefying Countess the weather was hot, and she had been for some days a martyr to int…
1904 · PDF PAGE 48
…her greasy guts to bursting. Groping about in the dark with his exquisitely sensitive and per- fectly trained tool, he at last found the ladys Ap- pendix, into the narrow orifice of which he pushed voluptuously and there spunked out his love-lap. The spending anonyma fainted with pleasure, and the cautious Kluckchoo withdrew, only to be summoned in all haste to the royal apartments three days later, when Mrs Arthur disclosed her find to her keeper. To make a long story short, the K..g was so de- lighted with the Appendix-fuck of Kluckchoo, tha…
1904 · PDF PAGE 73
sition. Inch by inch he fought his way into her burning cave of harmony : and the lady between the extreme of rapture and agony came again and again. My own lusts were now to be considered. I de- cided upon a combination. One slave had his arse closely sewn up, and a dose of croton oil adminis- tered to him : another I smeared with sugar, and rolled in an ant-heap : a third I disembowelled and forced to feed upon his own steaming guts : a fourth and fifth man and wife I imprisoned, to be fed upon their own children, and after upon each othe…
1904 · PDF PAGE 77
…r to wipe it dry nothing is so deleterious to the proper enjoy- ment of a game at Hey Gammer Cook as the too great slitheriness of the ladys rattle-bollocks and in returning it to its sheath, the lassie was so pleased that she forgot for a second her role for protecting herself against danger of impregnation. This has always been to constrict the vagina in two places : near the vulva, to tighten on the master of ceremonies : and at the cervix, to prevent any of the fertilizing fluid, or, as she loved to call it, tool- treacle, from doing i…
1904 · PDF PAGE 34
…er ! My own modest arborvitae, though, as you may guess, shared no such disabilities. Advancing, I showed its quiet dignity to the first lady. This woman, who had so great an influence upon my after life, merits a few words of description. By race a full-blooded Ne- gress, by profession a threepenny-uprighter, by education a woman of singular charm and spiritu- ality, by inclination a sapphist and cocksucker, by disease a barrel, she was as delicious a rabbit-pie as I ever laid this knife to. Over six feet in height, she measured even more arou…
1904 · PDF PAGE 40
…ee me sink a corpse at the very breach in which so many brave men had fallen fighting. For I was determined not to withdraw, even if the lady herself had been willing to let me off. This she was not. Her greasy and rotund arms held me to her bulging belly, the bloated and ill-smelling butter- bags flopping down with fat, their black nipples inflamed with lust and alcohol. Her bristly scut scraped my boyish abdomen ; her spunk-besmeared grummet stuck ever closer to my ever wearier rubigo. So I made the best of a bloody bad job, and gave her a sp…
1904 · PDF PAGE 41
chanical effect of so much-needed respite while the lady vomited quart after quart of most noxious bile and spirits upon the bed. For nearly an hour she retched and strained, giving off putrid farts and eructations as of a dyspeptic sow, while the sticky and purulent sweat ran over her blubber flanks. But at the expiration of that time, she was again ready for action, and indeed, seemed to be so set on edge by her involuntary abstention that I doubt whether after all I gained much by the interrup- tion. Hows the hot poultice for the Irish toot…
1904 · PDF PAGE 89
…ippings of mastodon-hoof were effectual in restoring her, but Eves furs had fallen off again, and Adam di- vined the nature of his good ladys excitement. To think now, He observed, with pardonable pride, that the mere sight of me or would it be the smell ? Ill write a book about it and try to make up my mind that way. Poor girl ! I know it wont [89]
1904 · PDF PAGE 24
…es, making the kilt an unconventional, if effec- tive, wear. In erection the noble owner can lick the cheese from under the prepuce, and Lady S . . . t, who has so often accommodated an ass in the interest of bacteriologists, who had previously be- lieved that the latter animal was not susceptible to syphilis had declared in forcible though refined language that its a fair bugger, and ought to do my little Fannys job a treat. Eulogy, you will ad- mit, can no further go. To return : I was a healthy and well-formed boy, and my innate ste…
1904 · PDF PAGE 31
… to enrage, one for whom I had a deep respect. On the other hand, to offer my favours to him would be to lose the supreme suction of the ladys turd-hole. I finessed again. The girls eyes were still smarting from the acrid urine of her four- footed friend, and it was with tolerable certainty of impunity from discovery that I pointed to my chan- cre and to the plate Masochist. The pig picked up his concertina. Too late, or else too early he played with intense, wistful sadness, pointing with the tail of his eye to the bookshelf where sto…