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Then with your well worn chamois leather Youll suck up, in your loves strong tether, My last breath and last fuck together, My Darling ! [143]
[35] CAPITULUM IV Shortly after the conclusion of the events which I so lusciously described in the last chapter, con- tinued the Archbishop, I was the means, under heaven, of saving the life of a valued member of society. The whisky-distiller had many connec- tions in the Highlands of Scotland, and no doubt the story of my exploit enlivened many a dull wet night in that dreariest of countries. Anyhow, one day my father came down from his office in a state of appalling excitement, waving a telegram. He masturbated four times in his anxiety to c…
… active boys were engaged in stuffing her lucky-bag with current numbers of the Daily M..., as I observed with satisfaction, guessing at last the secret of our enormous circulation. When the supply of these was done, they con- tinued with the Sunday S....d and that peculiarly foul organ, Good W...s. This was her chief pleasure, since she had sought this temporary retirement from the whirl of politics. Licking her loose and wrinkled lips, she spat the glutinous relics of her nephews emission into the face of her last lover, a Scotch missionary
might inflict. And he plunged like a mad horse ! At last the welcome climax, and a perfect deluge of kisses bitten hard into his olive neck. And then the luxurious confession with which this story be- gan. Left to himself, Clayton invented incidentally twenty-three quite new curses, called Le W... a lit- tle bitch, kissed the mark of the little bitchs teeth on his hand, and generally conducted himself as an officer and a gentleman would do, provided he were also a devout Christian. He foresaw trou- ble. It came pretty quickly. Two days afterwa…
…urgeon did no mortal good at all. The patient died. His coffin crowned with flowers From various ladies roses, lilies, laurel, As some last tribute to his wondrous powers Was oak, and bound with brass. The moral Of this sad tale is so extremely patent That to repeat it were banal and blatant. Learn from this fable counterfeit presentment (Shakespeare) Of Truth this fact (Ive sought it far !) The best of blessings is divine contentment, (Shakespeare again) and in particular (Seek not to exceed in matters of virility God-given ability !) […
…iff : Fat Bill gave a sniff : Theres a curious sort of a scent ! Alas for Fat Bill ! Such a nosegay may kill ! Those words were the last that he uttered ; While Bowles gave a laugh like a cunt-stricken calf : Will you have them with Bovril, or buttered ? Alas ! The lucks ill ! The house smashed like Fat Bill, And went arse over tip like a lamp ; While the rest of us asked : Are our brains over-tasked ? Theres an odour here ! Can it be damp ? Our souls went with Bowles to the heavenly goals But we asked at the end of the tunnel …
I will accede. Be henceforth gifted With everlasting power to stand Without a maidens finger lifted Or touches from a harlots hand. No trusty tongue shall waste your money ; Nor sight of cunnie. The man rejoicing, went his way Exclaiming Thanks beyond expression He sought the Strand, and, sooth to say, Began to try his new possession. So, picking up a hoary harlot Who blushed quite scarlet At such immodest words addressed to her, Yet did not blush to ask five pounds, He took her home, and there confessed to her His admiration knew no b…
…, a world too wide For his shrunk prick : and his big manly piss, Turning again toward childish treble, pipes And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all That ends this strange eventful history Is second impotence and mere castration : Sans prick, sans balls, sans stand, sans everything.
[31] CAPITULUM III I was some seven years old, resumed the Archbishop, at the close of the exciting interlude described in the last chapter, when I first obtained any real satisfaction from the passion of love, which has since done so much to regulate and in- spire my career. The incident occurred on this wise. For some days my ponderous and unwieldy bollocks had become turgid and swollen with the fluid we know, my boy, you dog ! As spunk. Eighty-three pounds and four ounces they weighed on the penny-in-the-slot machine at our village station, …
… at the same time I was gather- ing myself, excited by the voluptuous nature of the struggle, for a stupendous effort. My chance came at last : the tow-wow relaxed its agonizing pres- sure, and in one rush of boiling tapioca pudding I emptied my eighty odd pounds into her cloak- room, drowning three innocent old gentlemen, and the maid who looked after their hats and sticks. It was too much for her capacity : the internal pres- sure of so much liquor neutralized that of her now wearied India-rubber-plant, and I was able at lei- sure to achieve …
…wallow the sex sauce, whereas you, haughty and selfish woman, cheated her tar bucket with your shrivelled crabapple, while, miser to the last, you took his perquisite to chew at your leisure with your minions, the dirty scavengers that gold still seduces to dip their luckless coney- catchers in the scabby duckpond that the Q...n of E.....d called her privy Paradise... The Archbishops enthusiasm had overpowered him. Impaled upon Hassans engine, and supported by the teeth of the now thoroughly excited beast, he had fainted : but the camels joy…
…le, and filled her greasy guts to bursting. Groping about in the dark with his exquisitely sensitive and per- fectly trained tool, he at last found the ladys Ap- pendix, into the narrow orifice of which he pushed voluptuously and there spunked out his love-lap. The spending anonyma fainted with pleasure, and the cautious Kluckchoo withdrew, only to be summoned in all haste to the royal apartments three days later, when Mrs Arthur disclosed her find to her keeper. To make a long story short, the K..g was so de- lighted with the Appendix-fuck of…
Abandoned in disgust. You will wonder however how it was that Leilas monthlies did not last out the 1000, by the figures only 14 hrs, 57 min. The answer was that she was peculiarly constructed in this way. Her so-called monthlies occurred every four days, and lasted but twelve hours, never more. I was consequently biffed off every time about 925 or so. The wisdom of this provision of Nature was soon evident. The desirability of breeding another Leila had lent wings (to use a metaphor) to the reproductive mechanism of the lousy-notched barr…
cat, into her shit-slot, and into her delicate mouth respectively. The last of the men was unlucky, for the teeth of the now agonizing girl scratched his treacle-tap, and hurt him. With a roar like a fiend the savage black, holding her by the hair, tore out her teeth by main force and again plunged his greasy gap-stopper into the talk-trap, thus partly drowning her pitiful cries, and nearly choking her when a second or two later his boiling bliss-blanc- mange foamed in a perfect cataract down her throat. At the same instant the twain at the low…
…r rubigo. So I made the best of a bloody bad job, and gave her a spirit-indeed-is-willing-but-the flesh-is-weak prick-scouring as if the last trump were going to sound in a minute, and I were afraid to be caught with my work half done on Judge- ment Day, as Browning says. So I leather-stretched wearily on. During all this time the Empress had kept up her strength by copious libations of whisky, (which stood in casks at a great height above her head, and trickled down in tubes into her royal mouth, on the same principles as saline injections)…
of every kind of perversion from her youth up, she at last finished by obtaining the sexual orgasm only by thinking of those people with whom she was not familiar. President R . . . . . . . t, E . . . . d VII, in spite of his impotence, the Czar, the Khe- dive, and other poxy potentates thus fell easy vic- tims to her lewd importunities. Malheur ! in her later days she caught the King of E . . . . . ds impo- tence, and was compelled to the end of her life for the disease proved intractable to solace her- self as best she could with the col…
… H......t S.....ts column in the dusty square of Abu-Klea : she had held up the dying heros head with her black knees and received the last spend- ing he ever spent this side of Heaven in her capa- cious mouth. She, and she alone, had avenged Arabi Pasha, when on the stricken field of Tel-el- Kebir, she pitched her cunt and poxed eleven thousand Tommies in one night. She was the vet- eran who stood by statued Memnon at sunrise, and with the music of her farts out sang the sto- ried stone. She, uncrowned Empress of mankind, she, carrion of a m…
…r eyes upon your mistress, you dog ! She raved at him, and pressed her hot and amorous beauty-spot against the bruised belly-ruffian. At last not even all her art could raise the drooping head : it was practi- cally mashed into a pulp ; her dainty mouth ap- proached its bleeding tip, and with infinite lust she began to chew and swallow the entire intercrural pudding of the yelling black. She finished her meal by a savage bite at his hairy hangers, which she gulped down with every appearance of intense pleasure. Not content yet with the spectacl…
…teal a kiss oc- casionally were always frustrated as if by accident, though they now knew it must be of set purpose. Andrew suggested at last that, to allay suspicion, he should choose another middy and pretend to make violent love to him. Montys jealousy said no, and only after a long time was he persuaded to agree. Katie Ambrose, the boy selected for this vicari- ous duty, was a dirty little fellow of the most vi- cious type. His favourite fancy, in public, was to [82]
… Up and up he writhed, and the mouth of her womb spasmodically closed and re- opened in vain. He penetrated more and more deeply, and at last, with a convulsive wriggle, dis- appeared entirely into the temple of love at the very moment Eve, in a strong shudder, consummated her suppressed desire and fell to the ground in a swoon. Adam was alarmed. Some burnt clippings of mastodon-hoof were effectual in restoring her, but Eves furs had fallen off again, and Adam di- vined the nature of his good ladys excitement. To think now, He observed, wi…