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1904 · PDF PAGE 50

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

but a gob of spew in my left eye convinced me that her desires were really aroused by my charms. I spat back at her, and watched the greasy morsel trickle down the open ulcer that spread across her left cheek, and had eaten away her nose and half a lip. She caught me up to her and smeared the pus into my mouth. In a sort of rapture she stowed me away in her fuck-sodden snatch-box, and rushed to her bedroom, there no doubt to initiate me into the joys of love, as known among these bawdy- minded buttered buns, and nowhere else, unless in your hea…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 87

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

… him one day. I do wish this hole wouldn’t itch. Rubbing’s no good-oh ! It’s better when I rub hard. There ! It’s started again now I’ve left off. I’ll rub harder this time. Ah ! Adam ! Adam ! — Ha ! I thought I was with Adam — Oh, how lovely ! ” And she gave a delicious little sigh. “ Pardon this intrusion, Duchess, pray ” said a new voice, in the well-bred deferential manner that is so characteristic of diplomats. “ But is it the third Wednesday, is it not ? ” “ My dear Prince, how good of you to come. I was just hoping some one would drop in…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 27

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…ween his third and fourth fingers Dick’s best leg of three vibrated. Clara’s medlar got a fair share of fun out of his knuckles. With is left arm it was the same, substi- tuting the names of Dora, Edward, Frank, Ethel, George and Fanny. Gertie and Herminia seized each one of his shoulder blades in their gaping cabbage-fields, while Imogen and Jenny were en- gaged with his elbow joints. Harry and Isaac had their drumsticks in his mouth ; Katherine got a nose-fuck, while John and Karl had him in the arm-pits, and Louis and Martin behind the ears.…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 101

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

ODE TO TITE (Fragment) When the harlot refuses the oyster, And the pandar is left in the lurch ; When the cunt is discrowned of the cloister, And the choir boy unkissed of the church ; When Aum tat Savitur varenyam The Hindu forgets to recite, We should think we had reached the millennium, Save only for Tite ! [103]

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1904 · PDF PAGE 79

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…the light of his counte- nance upon you and give you peace : both now and for evermore, Amen ! He made the sign of the Cross, spat in my left eye, and spunked in my right ; then ushered me to the door with courtly politeness. At the gate he impressed a loving kiss upon my arsehole, and gave a final but business-like frig to my weary yard. I passed out : the great Churchman was but a memory in my life. [77]

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1904 · PDF PAGE 107

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…to redeliver : I pray you now receive them. HAM. No, not I. I never gave you aught. OPH. My honoured lord, you know right well you did. [Left disputing.] [109]

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1904 · PDF PAGE 94

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…n, Whose tendency to edification Was not clear to his congregation. By day, by night, eternal stands ! One long continuous emission — He left his cure in other hands And sought his cure of a physician, Who marvelled at his tale of tooling As at a pretty piece of fooling. But, soon convinced, he diagnosed This case as clearly as could be ; “ You suffer, sir (no, be composed !) From a mistaken chastity. Indulge your natural desires And quench those fires ! ” [94]

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1904 · PDF PAGE 60

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…s. They have the immunities of their crapu- lence. Broken-hearted, with a mentule like a weeping willow, save that it would not weep ; I left the remains of my Stevie. Not without an effort to get even with the robber Death ! I flung myself upon the dear corpse ; I buggered him night and [58]

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1904 · PDF PAGE 19

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…ntense. But in spite of all she could do he soon ejected a small but stringy morsel of veri- table sperm, which she deftly caught in her left nostril, and sniffed up, with the relish of an old buck of the Regency helping himself to snuff. The tongue of the Archbishop had not been idle during this time ; but the thoughts of his see ever interfered with his more spiritual duties, and he waxed remiss. The Countess, sensible of the neglect, and ac- cepting the same as a slight to her admittedly pox- eaten charms, blew off a fiery fart in his face a…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 23

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

[21] CAPITULUM PRIMUM I came from a Bottomless Pit, began the Archbishop, and I have spent my life trying to get back. No sooner had I left my mother’s breast than she put me on to her clitoris, and I was hardly laid in my father’s arms before his doodle was between my baby legs and jerking its creamy essence into the sunny air of Rome, where, as you may be aware, I first drew breath. I was a healthy and well-formed child ; my bauble nothing remarkable, but my bollocks peculiar for their enormous size and — as it subsequently proved — the amoun…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 81

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…desire and whispered, in a voice shuddering with un-satiated lust “ Ah God ! Ah God ! I love you now ! ” He slipped through the door and left Andrew Clayton to sweet memories and disquieting thought of the future. For Monty Le W... had never given him his love before. Monty was a dark, languid-eyed boy with jetty hair ; there was about him the indefinable air that sexual per- verts recognize so quickly, a closer union than ma- sonry can boast. In fact, he had not been on board H.M.S. Osiris a week before the Captain had pro- moted him to a dign…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 26

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…id). The archbishop cleared his throat and began thus. “ The first real scene of passion that I ever saw was in this fashion. I had been left alone in the house one day ; and, weary of confinement, I determined to stroll into the street. Not far had I gone before my attention was attracted by a small galvanized iron mission room. To my surprise, the door was ajar, and from the pulpit I heard the well known tones of a Salvation Army preacher crying ‘ Whoso- ever will may come ! ’ ” In the centre of the hall I saw that the forms had been removed …

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1904 · PDF PAGE 85

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…climax, and a perfect deluge of kisses bitten hard into his olive neck. And then the luxurious confession with which this story be- gan. Left to himself, Clayton invented incidentally twenty-three quite new curses, called Le W... a lit- tle bitch, kissed the mark of the little bitch’s teeth on his hand, and generally conducted himself as an officer and a gentleman would do, provided he were also a devout Christian. He foresaw trou- ble. It came pretty quickly. Two days afterwards Clayton had to quit his lover’s room in a great hurry, as heavy f…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 16

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…y : “ I suppose I must follow,” he laughed, lifting her tenderly into bed with yet another kiss. “ I’ll tell you about it one day.” So I left them. She was his mistress for more than a year — perhaps is so still. It turned out that he had spent six weeks driving the poor child, whose only folly was her love for him, to suicide, by a calculated series of abominable cruelties, above all by his refusal to return her love. The final “ coup ” was as I have described ; he had foreseen all, provided for all. Such incidents are characteristic of the ma…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 15

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…r the sake of its vice, and he occupied a small flat in the Avenue Matignon ; I was myself living not far away, and about ten o’clock we left the Dog, and he suggested that I should walk home with him. Near the Place St. Michel, however, he sud- denly hailed a closed cab — it was the depth of winter — and motioned me to enter. I was exceed- ingly surprised, for he was fond of walking, and hated travelling in any kind of vehicle. Near the Pont-Neuf he stopped the cab, removed his great blue cloak and coat (an elaborate tunic trimmed with ermine,…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 61

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…luctantly withdrew. Yet such was my love for my darling that I buggered a hole clean through his tomb- stone, and for six months I never left the hallowed spot. My spiritual superiors, however, soon put a spoke in my wheel. I should have been going on still, but they reminded me that I had a great ca- reer before me and that it was unworthy of a man — how much more of a Christian ! — To allow a personal grief, however severe, to blind one for ever alike to the beauty and the duty of life. In vain I replied that there was now no beauty for me [5…

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