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1904 · PDF PAGE 100

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…Kissing her twat, I sat between her feet, Smelt it, and felt it : sucked and found it sweet : Made fast her legs, drew down her clitoris Long as long pricks, and juicy like a kiss : With her own fingers played upon the spot Kissing her twat. Shit were no sweeter than her spend to me ! Shit of dead lobsters under the cold sea ! What fart could get between my lips and hers ? What new sweet splutter of her hairy arse ? Unless perhaps her spitting piss me shot, Kissing her twat.

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1904 · PDF PAGE 48

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…, only to be summoned in all haste to the royal apartments three days later, when Mrs Arthur disclosed her find to her keeper. To make a long story short, the K..g was so de- lighted with the Appendix-fuck of Kluckchoo, that he did absolutely nothing else all day and all night. Affairs of state went by the board, and to the cringing official who dared to remind him of his approaching coronation, he replied : Bugger the Coronation ! This language shocked the prudish English, and damaged the K..g’s popularity in Non- conformist circles. His surge…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 82

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…ould-be lover. Andrew, with great self-command, withdrew in silence. Next day, however, they were both called before the Captain, read a long lecture on the sin of pederasty and severely repri- manded. It was evident that Captain Spelton liked his forehead very well as it was, and meant to keep a sharp look-out. Monty in his innocence was ter- ribly indignant and naturally became quite ready to cuckold the Captain if he could. At mess that evening he managed to whisper “ you shall have me if you still — ” the immediate result of which was consi…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 130

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

[132] SONG Bugger me gently. Bertie ! My arse is rather sore : Tinkety — tunkety — tinkety — funk ! I haven’t been long a whore. Mash the shit into gravy ! Make me slimy and slick ! Tinkety — tunkety — tinkety — tunkety ! That’s what does the trick. Bugger me gently, Bertie ! My arse is rather tight. Tinkers — tunkety — tinkety — tunk ! We’ll ram each other all night ! Bugger me gently, Bertie, or I’ll blow off your balls with a fart ! Tinkety — tunkety — tinkety — tunkety ! Softly now, dear heart ! O Bertie, I’m in heaven ! I see the golden wa…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 84

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…oor ; he listened to the boys’ mut- tered soliloquy, disturbed only by the noisier laughter and curses of the billiard-room. Spelton was long-damned long-coming ; no doubt of that. And Monty’s desires were getting less controllable every minute. At last he took down his trousers and began to play with himself, hoping to ease a little his discomfort. At this moment Andrew glided forward and whispered “ If you speak we are both lost. Your dress . . .” The frightened boy made a movement of agony. He was terribly angry, and yet dared not speak or m…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 62

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…eated. For seven days she buffeted my beard-splitter like Palinurus and the waves ; but she too failed. I had broken every record in the long-distance competition : and I needed rest. Even the pelvis of my boy love failed to rouse me : once the reaction had set in, nothing could stop it. On the eighth day Leila fell back with a weary and long-drawn howl : on the twenty- sixth she recovered sufficiently to try again : this time her efforts were crowned with success : a [60]

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1904 · PDF PAGE 35

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…he anus made up for the same, for the shit sticking to the hair had well manured the growth, which was in some places more than two feet long, curling over in bil- lows. But there was more to that quim than may appear on the surface. Vast and cumbrous as it appeared, at the first glimpse of my juvenile and at no time big twat-teaser, she screwed up the jaws of her rat-trap so that I subsequently (as you shall hear) had the utmost difficulty in effecting a lodgement. You have not long to wait, for excited by the voluptuous spectacle she afforded…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 110

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…I fart for all I know. She will not hear my music. So ? It is split ? Devil a bit ! Suppose Pauline had bade me shit ! III My whole life long I learned to frig. This hour I play the supreme pig And suck her pussy. Pox or clap ? She will riot give me syph ? Mayhap ! Pox who may — I still can say “ Those who get chancre, lucky they ! ” [112]

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1904 · PDF PAGE 3

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…....................................... 86 The Parson’s Prayer ........................................... 92 THE BROMO BOOK PARODIES 1. Long before Dawn ....................................... 99 Before Dawn. SWINBURNE. 2. Rondel .......................................................102 Rondel “ Kissing her hair,” SWINBURNE. 3. “ To Tite ” fragment .....................................103 Dolores, SWINBURNE. 4. Stephanos..................................................104 Dolores, SWINBURNE. 5. A Snatch.......................................…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 97

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

PARODIES LONG BEFORE DAWN Sweet cunt, if prick were stronger, Arse clear of turds that wrong her, Then two things might live longer, Two sweeter things than they. J.T. the root of power, And balls, the bloomless bower. J.T. that stands an hour, And balls that droop a day. From entry to emission When passion melts suspicion, The pot is there to pish on, The paper is there for turds, As fart by fart grows colder, And shit on brows or shoulder Slides sideways now, and smoulder The lusts too sweet for words. This one thing once worth poking God gav…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 54

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…ization to probe the immense mysteries that ever ring in our puny intelligences, our be- fogged and poxy brains. The digression has been long, but I trust not without edification ; and in our next chapter you may rely on our returning to the story of the Archbishop’s early life, and his ro- mantic career in the Latin Quarter with S...y B.....s and the Frigging Photographers. [52]

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1904 · PDF PAGE 94

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…d end by sundry oaths in German, Whose tendency to edification Was not clear to his congregation. By day, by night, eternal stands ! One long continuous emission — He left his cure in other hands And sought his cure of a physician, Who marvelled at his tale of tooling As at a pretty piece of fooling. But, soon convinced, he diagnosed This case as clearly as could be ; “ You suffer, sir (no, be composed !) From a mistaken chastity. Indulge your natural desires And quench those fires ! ” [94]

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1904 · PDF PAGE 60

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…lted The star above her garter ; Her strong-room I assaulted, And occupied her farter. From which you all may gather That it will not be long Before I am a father . . . And that is all my song. There ! Let me alone now, and I will continue the Archbishop’s recital. How was it that days so sweet must pass ? Oh Jimson ! Oh divine maestro and thy Opera “ Or- ange Pekoe ” ! To this hour the lust of thy dear shit-sewer sends the creamy essence of immortal- ity all over my drawers. But it ended, and bit- terly. The careless youth got too near S...y B…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 29

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…icked the snout of the monster with a las- civious tongue in her frenzy, till with a royal snort the accomplished porker, rapture dying along its verge, as Browning says of the rainbow, gave her jelly for juice, and the well-matched pair sank down in the rapture of a delicious orgasm. The concertina, falling to the floor, squeezed its air out with a long-drawn, plaintive sigh, from which an onomatopoeiomaniac Platonist who had read Cor- nelius Agrippa and Paracelsus would certainly

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1904 · PDF PAGE 70

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

[68] CAPITULUM X Under the broad veranda of the family mansion the slaves were drawn up in line, and the overseers with long stock-whips and mighty stiff hair- splitters were guarding them and occasionally sat- isfying their lust upon the smoking arses of the negroes. My father and mother appeared with my sister and myself, and we lost no time in getting into position for those delights that are the cardi- nal of the family system all the world over. As it was my birthday, I had the chief place. My father’s handsome quickening-peg burrowed my j…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 55

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…as she possibly could. He even slept with her till he was eighteen : and we may guess the result. H...s was a snivelling shit. L..s wore long hair, never washed and rarely shaved. His pictures were beneath criticism, and his manners — Mean little skunks, the slimy pair of them ! Now in an attic in the same building lived S...y B.....s, the common road of the quarter : an illustra- tion of Euclid’s position that the Hole is greater than its Quarter. This was a dirty split-arse me- chanic with nigger blood peeping through her low- caste white par…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 7

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…h self-respect to live the life of their choice. The boy, delicate in his youth, was not able to bear the roughness of public school for long, but he passed with honours through Oxford, respected for his piety and learn- ing by his professors and (I am ashamed to say) adored by a certain unsavoury coterie for the baby- ish beauty of his face, with its unfathomable eyes, its small and scarlet mouth, and the impudent cynicism of his — bottomless lust, I would say, but for the peculiar inappropriateness of the epi- thet. In a word he was the forem…

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1904 · PDF PAGE 67

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…in flagellation are invited to notice the difference in metre between her and the fashionable schoolmis- tress.) This went on for such a long while the same that I think it will be better if you ask your readers [65]

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1904 · PDF PAGE 21

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

…ook and cheat you out of the money ; so there’s fame and fortune at a stroke. Put away John Thomas now ; permit me, pray ! — Yes, a fine long battering-piece, with a nice hard [19]

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1904 · PDF PAGE 13

Snowdrops from a Curate’s Garden

upon the Chien Rouge. Nor could any fool live long in that light. It turned him inside out ; it revealed him even to himself as a leper and an out- cast ; and he could not stand it. In such a circle humbug could not live. Men of high intellectual distinction, passing through Paris, were constant visitors at the Chien Rouge. As guests they were treated with high honour ; but woe to the best of them if some chance word let fall led D . . . or L . . . to suspect that he had a weak spot somewhere ! When this happened, nothing could save him : he wa…

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