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Page 1 of 11904 · PDF PAGE 105
…ancour And broad our mouths with smiles : If you were thrall to chancre And I were page to piles ! If you were fuckings lady And I were lord of buggery, Wed work electric handles To dildos, sticks, and candles. Till testicles kept hey-day In vulvas greasy snuggery : If you were fuckings lady And I were lord of buggery. If you were queen of spending And I were lord of spunk, Wed fuck for days together And oil your chamois-leather, And teach my tool a bending. Arid prove your twat a skunk, If you were the queen of spending And I were lord of…
1904 · PDF PAGE 107
… turn And lose the name of pumpship. Soft you now ! The fair Ophelia ! Nymph, in thy orisons Be all my sins remembered. OPHELIA. Good my lord, How does your honour for this many a day ? HAM. I humbly thank you ! Well, well, well. OPH. My lord, I have remembrances of yours That I have longed to redeliver : I pray you now receive them. HAM. No, not I. I never gave you aught. OPH. My honoured lord, you know right well you did. [Left disputing.] [109]
1904 · PDF PAGE 79
…of the Countess : and I hope to see you again some time, and I will go on with the story of my life. Au revoir, then, and farewell ! The Lord bless you, and keep you : the Lord lift up the light of his counte- nance upon you and give you peace : both now and for evermore, Amen ! He made the sign of the Cross, spat in my left eye, and spunked in my right ; then ushered me to the door with courtly politeness. At the gate he impressed a loving kiss upon my arsehole, and gave a final but business-like frig to my weary yard. I passed out : the great…
1904 · PDF PAGE 86
…ness he was so fond of in the old days. She was rude enough to both of us yesterday though-so are all the beasts since we ate that apple Lord God made all the fuss about. The serpents as much a gentleman as ever, of course. He was at the same public school as Lord God, he says. Im sure hes got better manners, though ! The old [86]
1904 · PDF PAGE 110
… with grease. Now, hair by hair, I comb its fleece, And shew it where Pauline may pass. She will not suck me off. Alas ! What, no luck ? Lord love a duck ! The chance was she might need a fuck ! II How many months I strove to wipe My brown and corrugated pipe ! To-day I fart for all I know. She will not hear my music. So ? It is split ? Devil a bit ! Suppose Pauline had bade me shit ! III My whole life long I learned to frig. This hour I play the supreme pig And suck her pussy. Pox or clap ? She will riot give me syph ? Mayhap ! Pox who may I…
1904 · PDF PAGE 90
…aise her to my level rather than Damn that potato patch ! It must be dug over to- morrow, and only the old flint spade still. A man in Lord Gods position House of Lords, stake in the country, and all that ought to provide iron spades this is the only country planet for bil- lions of miles where science hasnt penetrated, so that young prince says dont believe hes a real prince, though took all that cursing from a sim- ple Lord like a lamb says its beneath his dignity to swear back. Id have had the bugger up for criminal libel. …
1904 · PDF PAGE 122
…e asked at the end of the tunnel : Is this No. Seven ? Or can it be heaven ? He said : I am God and not Stannl. We begged the Lords pardon walked round in his garden : This bower dont smell nice ; Ill destroy it. The mistakes on Thy part ! Its only my fart ! I hope J. and the Ghost will enjoy it. [124]
1904 · PDF PAGE 137
…lash on the window pane, And the road swirled down with the torrent. Cried the vicar : How quickly its come to pass ! Lets thank the Lord for his blessing ! But his wife whispered Hush ! You silly old ass ! Its only our Mary confessing ! Her fathers curate entered her room With the fixed intention of fucking her ; But she went Pss-boom-whz-brr-pss-boom In spite of the corks she had stuck in her. With her virgin cunt he lustily grapples, For she saucily, randily beckoned ; But she had to let go, and his rotten apples Were washed aw…
1904 · PDF PAGE 106
[108] TO PE OR NOT TO PE KING. O heavy burden ! POLONIUS. Hold on, Im coming : Ill withdraw, my lord. [Enter Hamlet.] HAMLET. To pe or not to pe : that is the question : Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous stricture Or to take arms against a closed urethra And by abscission, end it ? To fuck : to come : No more ; and, by a come to say we end The cockstand and the thousand natural lusts That flesh is heir to. Tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished. To fuck : to come : To come, perchance to clap ! Ay…
1904 · PDF PAGE 29
…nerable man, before I continue my affecting narrative, let me introduce you to the learned pig. This animal was trained by my old friend Lord B . . . and is probably the choic- est gem in my collection. Approach ! We ap- proached, and the brute, contrary to all expecta- tion, presented his rump for my inspection. After a moments hesitation he gave a loud snort of dissat- isfaction and walked to the table, from which he selected a card labelled Kiss my arse. I drew back abashed. The engaging animal, at a sign from his master, now mounted the…
1904 · PDF PAGE 87
… Duchess, what a pity and what a sur- prise ! Yes, it did feel like it. But really, Prince, youre as inquisitive as that rude old Lord God. You are not offended with me ?
1904 · PDF PAGE 66
…rict : and her schoolmistress, a tall woman of thirty with an arse like a steam-roller, a coyote like a slatequarry, and a clitoris like Lord Penrhyn, for it had been known to stand out for seven years against the demands of the work- man. They got the little girl at a disadvantage over a chair, while Leila and I looked on with eyes in- jected with frightful lust at the voluptuous specta- cle. The schoolmistress then addressed her little victim in these terms : You saucy little bitch ! You would, would you ? Excited to madness by the erotic…
1904 · PDF PAGE 85
… to both the lovers and said he thought their accomplishments, if unique, were unnatural. But the knife cut both knots at once ; he told Lord Cartington at their tête-à-tête dinner the next day that there seemed to be no end to the variety of entrees which had as a basis oysters. Katie Ambrose grew in wisdom and stature and in favour with god and man. [85]
1904 · PDF PAGE 24
…As I came, she shot off my well-oiled plenipo and was immediately split up from the fork to the shoulders by the giant callibis- tris of Lord R . . . y, whose affection for a buttered bun is only equalled by the size of his Julius Cae- sar. This truly formidable weapon is worth a mo- ments digression. It hangs below the owners knees, making the kilt an unconventional, if effec- tive, wear. In erection the noble owner can lick the cheese from under the prepuce, and Lady S . . . t, who has so often accommodated an ass in the interest of bacte…